Prospective employees: Quit brownnosing, and leave me the farq alone!

The BBQ Pit
1

I really hate it when people get wind you’re doing the hiring for a job, and they keep sniffing around your office. I guess I can understand how college professors feel the day after finals. But for love of God, will you knuckleheads leave me the fuck alone?!?

A little background:
My office is undermanned. We need another civil service worker, which after the paperwork was done, got rated as a GS-8. Friendly forces require reinforcement, to lessen the workload on an already stressed shop. The job listing has already closed out, and Personnel is working on a ‘prospective list’ of candidates.

Due to knowing too much about certain applicants, my boss the Engineering flight chief has chosen to defer the hiring process to the Shop Chief (me) in order to make a more informed - yet unbiased decision. Many people have dealt with many of the prospective candidates in the past, and my boss may have difficulty making an objective decision both for good and bad reasons. It’s a ‘deconfliction of interest’ issue (i.e. taking the politics out of it). Therefore, the I’m making the hiring decision with the ‘yea’ or ‘nay’ recommendation of the Flight chief.

Long story short: I’m doing the hiring, and people have gotten wind that I have “the Power”.

I haven’t seen the prospective candidate list yet. Personnel indicated it’s coming out in mid-to-late October. This past week alone, I’ve had four “prospective candidates” stop by my office to suck up:

Note: Names changed to protect the innocent.

Candidate 1: Hi Trip! How’s it going, ol’ buddy? How are the wife and kids?
Tripler: I’m not married.
C 1: Oh! I thought you just got married. I’d heard you did. Hey, not to change the subject, but have you hired anyone for that job yet? I’m pretty qualified, ya know. . .
Tripler: :mad: I have a 2:00 meeting. Go away.

Candidate 2: Hey Trip! Any word on that Inspector job?
Tripler: Nope, not yet. Personnel says they won’t have a list to me until mid-to-late October.
C 2: Wow, that long? Well, I guess they take their time.
Tripler: Yeah, the investigate the candidates, make sure they’re qualified and aren’t Taliban in disguise or something.
C 2: Fair enough. Talk atcha later!
Tripler See ya!
Note I sorta like this guy. He was straight to the point, and quick-to-wit when I told him the story. At least he’s honest.

Candidate 3: Hey LT! How are you today? How’s the little one doing?
Tripler: Little one?
C 3: Yeah, your son! I heard he had a cold.
Tripler: I’m not married, and I don’t have kids. Why do people keep asking me about that. I’m the beer-drinkin’ bachelor of the squadron. Everyone knows this. . .
C 3: Oh, I must have been thinking about someone else. . . Anyway, I heard they were hiring for a job, and I put my name down. Wanted to know when you were going to start interviewing. If I could, I can interview right here, right now.
Tripler: I haven’t decided to do any interviews yet. I haven’t even seen a list of candidates. Hell, I don’t even know your name. . .
C 3: Oh, I’m so-and-so, and I used to work back in the SABER office. I get around a lot. I’m surprised we haven’t met before!
Tripler: How long have you been up at Minot?
C 3: Three weeks.
Tripler: :smack: I have a 2:00. Go away.

Candidate 4 (In passing in the hallway): Hi, Tripler, how’s it going? Have you hired anyone for that job yet?
Tripler: Nope. Haven’t seen a list yet. They say I should get it by late October.
C 4: Really? When you get it, give me a call. I can help you scratch off the names that won’t be any good for you.
Tripler: :mad: I have a 2:00. I gotta go. . .

Gawd I hate these vultures. What a bunch of pansies. And the problem it, I have another 3 weeks until “mid-to-late October”. How many other vultures are gonna start circling?

But, I have made it extremely clear that whatever notes I take, whatever thoughts I muse, and whatever decision-making goes into the process after my decision will be completely TOP SECRET, and that’s final. It’s nobody’s business but mine, and a few select other coworkers. I can already see the whining begin when the decision gets announced. :rolleyes:

My hatred is smoldering and subtle. I reserve the right to rant more at a later date. . .

Tripler
I have a 2:00. Gotta go. . .

2

What you should do is carry around a PalmPilot or little notebook. Whenever one of these brown-nosers talks to you, very ostentatiously write down their name (or just pretend to). Make sure you have a less-then-pleased expression on your face while you’re doing this. You could also have a few questions prepared beforehand, like you’re conducting a mini-interview on the spot, and also ostentatiously (pretend to) write down their responses. Raise your eyebrow skeptically and make little snorting noises. Make sure that the amount of time you spend writing (or pretending to write) is long enough that the silence becomes awkward. The idea here is to make them think that they’ve completely blown any chance of even being considered for the job. Word will get around and these vermin will eventually stop bugging you. Most of them, anyway. The truly dense will still approach you, but you can have fun playing with them.

3

So I guess now would be a bad time for me to discuss my resume with you???

[sub]God, I’m so so sorry, but I just couldn’t resist. I am sorry. Really.[/sub]

4

I wish I could sympathize with you, really I do. But I lost that sympathy sometime over the last five months as my job prospects have slowly withered away into the dust. I just started working again today.

Harsh economic times, bub. Jobs is hot property.

5

Still, it’s pretty bad form to bug a potential employer, even if you know the person.

Maybe you should have gotten their names, Tripler, so you could count their overanxiousness against them, if necessay.

Oh, and SpazCat, my impression is that these characters aren’t unemployed, they just want the better job.

6

**

I already knew most of 'em, except for that one guy. Go figure, apparently they all knew me. . . :rolleyes:

Exactly. They’re circling vultures. Like I don’t have enough to do with people lining up for my signature, the phone ringing, my boss(es) on e-mail pinging me for information, memos need a typin’, spreadsheets are due, presentations comin’ up in a few days, the coffee maker’s dead, and I’m all out of bubble gum . . .

Pisses me off to no end. I hate suck-ups without tact. At least I have tact. . .

SpazCat, I’d point you to the web submission form, but they already closed out the submission date. Know anything about construction inspection?

Tripler
I need coffee.

7

Yeah, see, you’re suddenly the BMOC. Being the one with a lot of input into a promotion or a hiring can cause one to become quite popular, but not in a good way.

Were I you, and I knew who those yaboos were, I’d count their behavior against them if I interviewed them. I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on it, but on the ledger of their conduct I’d put a mark in the negative column.

8

Depends. Does it require me to teach high school English without being foisted off with the drama, yearbook, or journalism class?

Spaz"Teacher shortage my ass"Cat

9

So, Trip, how’s the wife and kids?

10

Dammit, cut it out!!

Tripler
Tripler’s Law has yet to be broken.

11

Tripler - I know you aren’t married and I’ve been out of work for a while.

Make it worth your while, cutie :):wink:

12

Do you have a dog? Would it help my chances if I asked how the dog was?

Or cat or whatever…

13

I COMPLETELY sympathize with your position! Those other people are way-out-of-line jerks to waste your valuable time! Your boss has clearly made the best possible choice in selecting YOU to make the decision.

Your wisdom is legendary! Your experience is irreplaceable! Your tact is laudable, and universally respected! I cringe when I imagine the possible horrors of someone ELSE being entrusted with such a critical decision!

Need I continue? Well, yes, of course, your virtues deserve to be sung to the heavens, and though I’ve never met you, and can’t recall any of your former posts, I can tell from your proactive, to-the-point language that you are one savvy individual worthy of continued attention, and dare I say, ADORATION!

I have decided to build a small shrine to you next to my monitor, including the text of your OP. I cannot HOPE that my own paltry contributions to the SDMB will be a 1/10th as cogent as yours!

14

I’m not sure if you’re kissing up, or what. . . :smiley:

Tripler
But I think I like it. . .