Leave a log in the water as long as you like; it will never become a crocodile. Which is good, because then we’d have a lot of stories of harmless driftwood becoming big, scary predators with sharp teeth.
I prefer:
- People who live in glass houses shouldn’t. Really, who thinks this is a good idea? Buy a normal house like everybody else. You can throw all the stones you like.
Also…
- A penny saved is pointless.
- Walk softly, but don’t carry a big stick. Or anything that could be construed as a weapon, because the authorities will probably take it away from you. Possibly at gunpoint.
- You’ll catch more flies with honey, but what the hell do you want with all those flies, anyway?
- He strains to hear a whisper who refuses to hear a shout. Unless he’s deaf. Or doesn’t give a damn what you’re saying at any volume.
- The man makes the clothes, dummy. Who taught you biology?
- Love is sometimes a many splendored thing, and other times a giant pain in the ass.
- All work and no play makes Jack a lot of money, which he will need when he’s admitted to the emergency ward with a severe heart condition and high blood pressure.
- Never put off for tomorrow what can be done today, unless it’s the last of the small details and you’ve still got a few days left on the contract.
- Let sleeping dogs lie. Unless the house is on fire.
- Time waits for no man. But you can always catch next month’s issue.
- A friend in need had better be a friend indeed if you hope to be paid back.
- The enemy of my enemy could just as likely be my enemy, too.
- Everything in moderation, including moderation.
- He who hesitates does not lose his money to a nice Nigerian prince.
The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train
He who laughs last is slow on the uptake and never gets jokes.
If you can keep your head, while everyone around you are losing theirs, probably means you are wrongly assessing the situation.
Lucky in love, who has time to play cards?
I always thought that was literal. I figured it worked like garlic on vampires.
Haste makes waste, but the waste from rumination smells a lot worse.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder – just ask the truancy officer!
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but makes Jack’s boss very happy.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if thrown with sufficient force and accuracy and provided the doctor isn’t very determined.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but still more with shit.
And you still end up with flies.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving wasn’t the sport for you.
My take:
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will die slowly of starvation.
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you should be able to make a comfortable living selling him beer, bait and tackle.
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll spend the rest of his life in his basement tying flies and neglecting his personal hygiene.
And buying those stupid magazines full of photographs of men holding fish and grinning inanely at the camera.
I always heard…
“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and you will never see him again on the weekends.”
Too many cooks spoil the broth. Unless of course some of them were working on other dishes.
You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Really. You can’t. Trust me.
Many hands make light work, if “Many Hands” is a Native American who’s changing the light bulb.
Do you know what happens when you assume? You make an ASS out of U and ME. So never assume.
Unless you come home from work and your seven year old runs up to you with a big smile on her face and says “Guess what, Daddy? The IRS called today, and I told them what you said about them not having any balls and how they can kiss your ass! They got all angry and I hung up on them!”
Then you can safely assume that you’re fucked.
“Many a Mickle makes a Muckle, but who the f*ck cares, have you ever seen a Mickle? And whats a Muckle when it’s at home, you don’t know do you? So why do we care how many lardy-dardy Mickles it takes to make a Muckle, you wouldn’t know even if you had enough of them ‘coz you don’t know what either of the bleedin’ things are.”
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts will!
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but it may give you psychological and possibly financial satisfaction.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights make the first airplane.