In my time teaching 7th grade, I have had two students who could fart on command. One of them sometimes had to sit with his ass out the window because no schoolwork could get done if it was taco day in the cafeteria.
The other I once challenged that I didn’t believe he could fart on command. He said nothing, but slowly grinned. About 15 seconds later, I realized what my dare had unleashed. I swear the air in the room turned green for about 10 minutes. I never doubted that child’s powers again.
The hilarious thing was, both of these boys was, on separate occasions, taken to the nurse by this one teacher’s aide who found their farting offensive. What the hell is the nurse going to do for them?
Answer-- she gave them a mint.
Yeah, count me as someone who finds farting hilarious. Perhaps this is why I relate so well with 12 year olds.
She is notorious for giving mints to kids for everything. It’s actually a running joke. Stomachache? Mint. Farting? Mint. Sore throat? Mint. That, or an ice pack, aka 5 cubes in a baggie (any pain symptom). She is not allowed to give out medications without parental permission, so she is freshening their breath. Eh, it’s something. And anyway, what would she give to counteract Taco Day?
But one wonders if she is not thinking along similar lines as beanpod when she dispenses her candy goodness.
Gawd, that reminds me! The mister delayed dutch-ovening me. That’s right, kids. Delayed effect. He goes to bed at least an hour before I do… and when I got into bed the other night, I pulled the blankets up over my shoulders only to have my olfactory senses waylaid by this foul stench. It was the aroma of rotten eggs mixed with septic waste.
I, of course, upon utilizing my astute observation skills, managed to gasp, “Holy Mother of God, did you fart?!” to which my very sleepy husband replied, “Yeah. A long time ago, though. Why?”
I couldn’t be mad at him. In fact, I was rather in awe of him - busting ass like that and having it linger under the covers to assault me nearly an hour later - mad skillz right there.
featherlou, I’ve seen that card, and nearly peed myself laughing.
Farting is funny! And in the immortal words of my children:
100+ blokes in the sorting office all busily sorting short coded mail…plus one guy on his own 50 yards away sorting large flats (big envelopes)
He was held in awe by the rest of us, his farts could strip paint, cause cars to overheat and make grown men whimper in fear.
He farted all the time, constantly, never stopped, fart…fart…fart…plaaarrrppp…fart.
Loudly and with a grin on his mush. He delighted in it, he stood surrounded by a noxious cloud of methane the smell of which defies description. Imagine if you can a mixture of rotting flesh, bad eggs, sulphur, sprouts and other foul smelling stuff…that was it.
He worked alone in that far corner of the sorting office, he wasn’t married BTW.
Myself? I just ease 'em out as and when the occasion arises, I aint a picky man
I kinda felt like Dr. Leavitt when the red light started flashing. I just kinda froze - not a full-on epileptic seizure, just stunned.
And Ellen Cherry, I’ve been awakened by my own butt-mint-needing emissions. How bad is that? I woke up thinking there was sewer (septic) gas in the house, but then realized later it was me. :eek:
Zsofia, were you kinda proud of him? Just a little?
Hey all, just got back from the butt-mint patent check. Let’s just say, if you’re over my house and need to use the bathroom, after washing your hands you might be tempted to chose from the bowl of assorted, pastel, lozenge shaped mints next to the sink – do not put them in your mouth.
My friends and I worked at a carwash in highschool. Every Saturday and Sunday morning were spent unleashing hangover farts into customers cars and then closing the door so that it all stayed in there until the customer got in. (We were supposed to leave the door open so that the customer could just walk right in.) It was a competition to see you could create the most pained faces on the poor guy who had to get in his car with that toxic cloud.
50million, now, that’s the way to use your powers for awesome.
One night after my husband and I had been dating for a few weeks, we were driving back from dinner and I decided then and there that finally, this was going to be the special night. I quietly sneak one out with a tiny noise. He gets a confused look on his face and wrinkles his nose. “Did you just do what I think you did?” He asks. I say, with a sheepish face, “Uh…ha ha…probably. Yeah, I farted. Sorry.” He laughs says, “Well, thank god, I’ve been holding this in for hours!”
