I’m way out of the loop on what is going on with teenagers these days, I’ll admit. My daughter-in-law, who is divorced from my son, told me that she is worried about my only grandaughter (14) because she is so interested in Punk rock and says she likes Curt Cobain’s music. she doesn’t dress weird, but says she is an aetheist and has tried smoking. Now, I remember that age and even though it was a jillion years ago, I know how much we struggled to be outrageous and different just to shock our parents; and I started smoking at age 15. She is 3,000 miles away but we talk on the phone. she sounds okay, but she has lied about her grades and hidden school communications from her mom. My son found out because he has the school mail him everything they send to her mom, to him. I don’t know if it’s a big deal, or if there is something here to worry about. What kind of kids are into this punk thing?
Something is definately wrong with her. She’s too normal.
From the tone of your post, it sounds as if you’re suggesting that atheism and an appreciation for Nirvana are Very Bad Things.
Nirvana’s total album sales are now well over 60 million, and I hear atheism is pretty popular too.
The grades you might want to worry about.
I just have to echo what the others have said; you have nothing to worry about.
Thank goodness she’s not dressing weird at least.
She sounds fine to me. Make sure she straightens out the grades and lying of course.
Ditto to what Not Really Too Bright said.
I have three teenagers; each has his/her rebellious mode [street hip hop, Marilyn Manson, and not quite sure how to label the third who likes the group Demented.
I was a teen in the sixties: rock, sex and dope with politics thrown in the mix as well [I went to Berkeley]. I roll my eyes when:
a. I hear “not politically correct” words come thumbling out of the mouths of my babes… especially all the sexist shit from mr street hip hop from the ghetto … and I have to remember that their basic values are pretty good [respect others, be honest, communicate your thoughts/feeings verbally not physically].
b. my daughter gets dressed every day: low hung pants which drag on the ground and tight itty bitty tops that show off her non existant belly. Boys are fine; baggy clothes are a bit of silliness I can live with; $80 NBA shirts make me freak out and start muttering about poor starving people in Africa [we live in Central Africa]. SSSHhhhhh about that expensive shirt he bought with his school bonus money.
c. they act like typical teenagers when I make them go with mr kiffa and I. For example: last New Years Eve we co sponsored a big blow out roof top party; I made the kids go because I wanted them to see what a New Years Eve party is really like; not like the movies at all. Grumble grumble until the music started playing. They actually enjoyed teaching everyone new dance steps and showing off their dance skills.
BUT all of this eyebrow raising and eyeball rolling just does not cut it when it comes to school performance. That’s all whatever. THE REAL GAME WITH RAISING KIDS AND GRANDKIDS CONSISTS OF;
- motivating them to enjoy learning
- motivating them to get good grades
- motivating them to understand how to interpret questions
- motivating them to understnd how to take tests
- motivating them to keep up their French language skills [you can pump gas in Quebec if you speak French]
So mr kiffa and I do the following:
I. we pay bonuses for good grades in all classes 'cept PE: Sliding scale for A and B nothing for a C and reductions for D and F [including no allowance, going out, playing afterschool sports]
II. we have hired academic tutors for math and science; we even did the Sylvan thing a couple years back when living in the US
III currently a friend who has expertise in understanding how people learn was working with our kids to help them understand how people learn, tricks of the trade and how to apply these lessons to their own academic lives.
We are lucky - WE CAN AFFORD TO PAY FOR ALL THIS - and we have been able to figure out some important key issues and find resources to help us. Not easy.
So I try to forget the Marlyn Manson, Demented music, pleas for body piercing and ghetto style [for a very non ghetto kid]… its the academics that count.
She sounds exactly like me when I was a teenager (I’m 29 now.) Like others have said, don’t worry about the music or the Atheism. Do worry about the grades, lying, and smoking.
I turned out ok though, married with kids and currently attending college. I’m the most tatooed member of the PTA, but they don’t seem to mind. 
Sounds pretty normal to me. What kids don’t lie about their grades at that age?
Not that it shouldn’t be taken care of, but it’s not a sign that she’s standing on the edge of some sort of abyss.
I think the smoking part is the biggest potential problem and should get the most attention.
The kind who want to imitate their elders 
. You do realize this punk thing’s a good 25 years old now? At this point it’s not that different from worrying your kid’s into :eek: rock and roll. `The greatest “danger” I can think of is she’ll be listening to more interesting music than Britany Spears, or other truely Satanic types.
Of course it depends. You don’t want her imitating Kurt Cobain too closely…any more than Jimi Hendrix…or Charile Parker. And if she starts bringing home GG Allin CDs you might want to have a talk.
As an aging punk - I can say that many kids involved in punk are creative, intellegent, sensitive kids in general. Some are attracted to the image & rebellion of punk, and some are attracted to the focus on inviduality. Within my own social group, I had friends in the scene who were good catholic girls who didn’t even smoke, to total screw ups who did everything bad under the book.
As the other’s said - don’t worry about the look and her own religion - worry about the grades & the lying.
My own dad was very supportive of me, despite my funny hair & piercings - and I got into a lot less trouble than most of the people I was in the scene with.
Sorry…I need to correct this… *Kurt Cobain
Whew. I feel better now. Anyway, worry about the grades, don’t worry about clothes, atheism, music, etc.
I don’t see a problem here. Face it, you’re a geezer who has no idea what’s what anymore.
What kind of kids are into this punk thing? Well, for my part I’m a kid in my mid 30’s, happy, reasonably successful, and well adjusted.
I’m also an atheist, so perhaps that and the punk go hand in hand, at least from our extremely small sample size of two people. But atheism is simply an expression of rationality, and you do want her to be rational, don’t you?
The smoking and the bad grades and the lying are problems. Since she’s rational enough to be an atheist, you might be able to convince her that smoking is both bad for her and addictive, not to mention stinky. While she may feel like she’s in control of the smoking, enough smoking will get her hooked, and then there’s nothing rational about it any more.
The lying will be to her detriment, because her parents won’t trust her if she lies to them. If they don’t trust her, they’ll keep her on a tight leash. It’s much better to be trusted and let do what you want.
And the grades are, of course, important for her future. There’s really no way to say that without sounding like an annoying authority figure. Oh well.
You might also want to tell her that Kurt Cobain’s music was grunge, not punk. And that she might like The Empire Strikes First, which is an album released a few weeks ago by Bad Religion, an excellent atheistic punk group that’s been releasing albums since a decade before she was born.
What was that Mike Watt song from 10 years ago? Ah yes…
‘The kids of today should defend themselves against the 70s!
Baby boomers selling you rumors of their history,
Forcing youth away from the truth of what’s real today.’
Dear God in heaven my babysitter these days (she’s just 14) is remarkably impressed that I saw Nirvana. It’s scary the way some kids aren’t moving on.
Kids who are doing well in school.
The kid sounds pretty normal to me.
It’s been suggested a couple of times that the smoking thing be taken care of. However, simply forbidding her to smoke is not going to help and, in fact, may encourage her. I know many of my friends smoke, and somehow manage to hide the fact from their parents. What you need to do is occasionally leave some random information on the terrible things smoking does to your body around the house where she might find them and read them. Lecturing her, however, will not help.
Like me! 
Nirvana isn’t Punk.
At least she doesn’t listen to Avril Lavigne.
<mutters something about country music>
Smoke… what?
Pot=Normal, a lot of people experiment with drugs blah blah
Cigs=Not Normal, would need definite attention and what not
Since she only tried it there is, let me repeat, NOTHING wrong.
And what is the deal with caring who she listens to if it is someone like Kurt? If she is not emulating the lifestyle it really means nothing. Oh, yea. A lot of kids are into the new-phase of the Punk movement (is it still a movement?). It is trendy if she did start wearing it. NOTHING to worry about.
Lying about the grades is not the worst, there are ways around it. Kids have been doing it forever and no one has died yet. Only potential for problem here is the fact that it is lying in general. Maybe she just doesn’t trust her parents or feel like she can go to them about anything? Just wondering…
What exactly about Nirvana keeps it from being a punk band and what about Bad Religion makes it a punk band?