Well, I finished my first week at the prison. Very interesting. So far, I’ve been lied to, threatened, and had inmates try to scam me. It’s definitely reminiscent of my former private practice. Except here I can use two extremely useful words to deal with my patients. “No” and “Go”. And, if at the end of my working day, the waiting room is still filled with inmates waiting for their intake physicals, which we didn’t get to because we were dealing with more imperative things, I can just tell the secretary to reschedule them all. Then I get to leave.
One prisoner was brought to me because he had body jewelry, a post thru his penis, and one thru his tongue. That is not allowed in prison, but he claimed they were permanent piercings and could not be removed. After I successfully unscrewed the penis post, he claimed that the tongue post was a ‘custom-made’ piece of jewelry and did not unscrew. It was placed in his tongue only after gentle stretching by a custom-made tool over two months time. He said he’d need a similar tool and two months of gradual dilation of the hole to get it out.
This however, was not an option. I informed him we’d remove it today, and that we would inject his tongue and enlarge the hole enough with a scalpel to get it out. I warned that bleeding might be an issue, so we’d do this at the ER. Then I told him to sit in the waiting room, and not mess with his piercing, while we made arrangements.
In the waiting area, he promptly unscrewed the post and presented it to the nurse.
I don’t know why, but this thread title made me think of Humphrey the Good Magician under his castle in a dank dungeon with strange looking “instruments” hanging on bare rock walls.
And then I read the O.P. and the vision was confirmed.
P.S., If you ever open a private practice again can I be one of your patients? I promise not to threaten you or make you remove a post from my penis.
Nothing quite like a scalpel to make people cooperative, eh? Glad it’s going well–the type of work you’re doing is admirable, and I’d hate to see anything mess it up.
And now that I’ve got you sufficiently buttered up, would you mind taking a look at this thread? I’d really appreciate it.
I think it would be interesting to make a “piercings file” – what, how big a hole, etc. Photos too, for sick giggles.
Though if you come across (ir create) any stats of piercing/tattooing related medical treatment for inmate populations, I’d be interested. Though I can’t imagine why.
Qadgop, you have got to keep a diary. We all know you can write and with material like this, you’ve got at least a book and probably a movie. Please note the total absence of smilies in this post.
Thanks for writing back doctor dude, i think we wondered what happened to you in prison & were expecting you to write about shivs in the butt sort of thing. But I guess not.
PS: Do they have guards in the room with you when you are with a patient?
it is imperative that you keep a journal of the people you meet and the stories you will be experiencing. One day you will have a) one hell of a bio for your kids b) the basis of a screenplay c) that you can sell the rights to to pay off your daughter’s edjumacation.
Also, I want to buy this book that could be entitled: My life behind bars…Con’s, scams, murdererers and penis rings.
There is something a little unnerving about seeing the phrase, “a post through his penis.” No matter how small it actually it, it sounds huge (the post, not the penis).
I don’t have guards with me while I see patients. What I have is a “man-down button”, an electronic signalling device which I wear at work. When it is pushed, 8 burly guards immediately rush to wherever I am to lend whatever assistance is necessary. I was told to try really hard to not set it off accidentally while I’m in the bathroom.
And Fredge, the mouth is by far and away the dirtiest orifice (in terms of harmful bacteria) on the human body. A little hole thru the underside of some con’s schlong? It’s just skin. His tongue and teeth? Eeeeeeuuuuuuwwwww!
Does this thread now constitute a penis post about penis posts?
Eh, he doesn’t need another diary. This board is his diary.
After a few months let’s dredge up all his prison-practice posts and make it into a book for him to give on his retirement. We’ll read the especially good ones to his parents and young relatives.
Glad it’s going well–the type of work you’re doing is admirable, and I’d hate to see anything mess it up.
!