I’m sure someone else has started creating one of these, but I think the SDMB community can do better. I’ll start, and everyone else chime in with their contributions:
1 drink (or sip, if you prefer a lighter game) if/when . . .
The straight guy is located outside of the five boroughs
Straight guy has girlfriend
Mission is to advance guy’s relationship with girlfriend
The obligatory scummy bathtub shot
Kyan finds any scummy or dirty toiletry item
The kitchen sink has dishes
The stove has uncleaned pots/ pans
You can see the back of the fridge
Carson says the word “zhush”
Carson screams while throwing clothes on the floor
Thom uses any primary color paint (red, yellow, blue)
Benjamin Moore paints product placement
Carson drops clothes on the floor
Carson hits on the straight guy
Carson hits on Ted
Carson makes any anatomical reference or joke
Jai’s only contribution is getting tickets to something
Speed shaving
Any reference to working product in from the back
2 drinks if
The “straight guy” is in New Jersey
Straight guy is living with someone or engaged
The sink has food remnants
The fridge has fewer than six items in it
One of those items is liquor
Any decaying organic matter in the fridge
Any of the others say the word “zhush”
Kyan specifically calls the straight guy to interrogate him about either the razor or the toothbrush
Plucking of any kind
Guy never cooks
Speed shaving results in cuts
3 drinks if
The straight guy is somewhere not in New York state and not in New Jersey.
Straight guy’s girlfriend/ fiancee/ wife is hot
Waxing of any kind
Long hair is not trimmed ultra-short
Guy puts too much of something in anything during food prep (e.g. wasabi in the sushi, liquor in the drinks)
1 drink if The Outer Borough is NOT a trendy part of Brooklyn.
1 drink if they give you a quick shot of the outside of the store they’re taking the guy into.
1 drink for every shot of Thom working as hard and fast as a stagehand during Tech Week.
2 drinks for every gasp of sheer horror from the Five during the recap at the end. Another shot if Jai and/or Kyan blurts out “I can’t watch!” and pretends to cover his eyes.
2 drinks for every bitchy (though usually deserved) remark during the recap from Carson.
2 drinks if the Straight is obviously going to be gettin’ some from his wife/girlfriend after the camera turns off.
2 drinks if you can say to yourself, “OMFG, I know EXACTLY where that store is!”
2 drinks if the Five coo over how utterly adorable the guy’s mom/child/wife/girlfriend is.
3 drinks if one of the above thanks the Fab Five on-camera.
3 drinks if you’ve seen the play that Jai has gotten tix to.
Finish the bottle if you have items from one of the stores already in your apartment/wardrobe.
A new round for you and your co-watchers whenever the Fab 5 toast each other.
And I know I’m not the only person who snaps back when the Five feel moved enough to give snaps.
Mehitabel, who actually has seen and photographed the luxury apartment building the guys use at the end, and chugged her Pelligrino’s in celebration
OMFG there are not enough drinks for when the Straight is shown dressing/undressing in the bathroom getting ready for the date. Blubbery straight guys do not make for an enjoyable, sober evening. “Bartender…beer goggles, please.”
A few weeks ago, Entertainment Weekly ran a sidebar that envisioned John Ashcroft being the straight guy on the show. The first thing on the list was “You try to tuck in my shirt one more time and you’ll draw back a bloody stump.”
Wow. Good thing I didn’t read this thread before last night’s episode…I don’t have that much liquor in the house.
As far as I can remember, all of these occurred at least once:
Kyan finds any scummy or dirty toiletry item
The kitchen sink has dishes
The stove has uncleaned pots/ pans
You can see the back of the fridge
Carson says the word “zhush”
Carson screams while throwing clothes on the floor
Thom uses any primary color paint (red, yellow, blue)
Carson drops clothes on the floor
Carson hits on the straight guy
Carson makes any anatomical reference or joke
Any reference to working product in from the back
The sink has food remnants
The fridge has fewer than six items in it
Any of the others say the word “zhush”
Kyan specifically calls the straight guy to interrogate him about either the razor or the toothbrush
Plucking of any kind
Guy never cooks
1 drink for every gratuitous over the top sexual innuendo.
2 drinks for half-naked cooking.
1 drink for every desorno drink commercial (spelling?).
1 drink for every line poor Jai gets.
2 drinks if Carson is the worst dressed of the Fab 5.
Anyone on the show says “amaaaaazing”.
1 drink if they give you a quick shot of the outside of the store they’re taking the guy into.
1 drink for every shot of Thom working as hard and fast as a stagehand during Tech Week.
2 drinks for every gasp of sheer horror from the Five during the recap at the end.
2 drinks for every bitchy (though usually deserved) remark during the recap from Carson.
2 drinks if the Straight is obviously going to be gettin’ some from his wife/girlfriend after the camera turns off. (Or in this case, gettin’ some from Laurel)
2 drinks if the Five coo over how utterly adorable the guy’s mom/child/wife/girlfriend is.
A new round for you and your co-watchers whenever the Fab 5 toast each other.
One drink when the straight guys shrugs, and acts genuinely not concerned when Kyan shames him for a grungy toothbrush/razor/bathtub.
One drink when the straight guy looks bemused when Carson is throwing clothes on the floor.
3 drinks everytime Carson gets the straight guy to wear a belt “simply as an accessory”
2 drinks if Carson gets his hands within three inches of the subjects’s crotch.
2 drinks if the subject drips any bath water or sweat on the food.
1 drink if Ted uses an igniter.
2 drinks if Carson finds dirty underwear – and handles it.
2 drinks if someone talks about how they’ve taken the straight guy “to a new level.”
1 drink is “zhush” is explained.
I’m sure I missed a lot, too. I’d better go out and buy a case of Di Saronno before next week’s episode.
I have to ask though, what is it about the bathtubs? I can’t think of any episode where a filthy bathtub was not prominently shown. And some of those were even in apartments/ homes where actual women lived. I mean, I’ve been a straight single guy for most of my life, and I always managed to clean the tub once in a while.
