I was talking to a friend today and she told me i should tell someone or at least talk to someone about my life. And she was right, i have never had anyone i could tell ‘everything’ that has happened to me to, just bits and pieces. Including her. I guess shame is a major factor, and fear of how they will react.
Anyway, the college offers free counseling (i think). What is the confidentiality level of the average counselor? I have never done anything illegal, or hurt anyone so im not worried about them thinking im evil or reporting me to police for what i say. i guess im afraid of the counselor going home and laughing about my problem(s) with his/her friends after all is said and done. This is really paranoid and most likely not true. Even if they did (which logically they wouldn’t), it wouldn’t matter much just as long as they didn’t do it when i was around and i didn’t know about it. I guess im just ashamed as hell.
Does it take a while to build up trust with a counselor, or do you just let fly the first visit?
The confidentiality level is very high, and the counselor isn’t going to laugh at you, even behind your back.
As far as building trust is concerned – you can spend the whole first session talking about your concerns about the process itself, if that’s what you need to do. The process is about getting some perspective on the stuff that’s going on with you, and a good counselor is willing to deal with whatever you need to talk about – even if you need to talk about not being comfortable talking about what’s going on with you.
It does take a while to build up the trust. I’ve been in therapy 3 or 4 times, and usually ended up feeling very close to my therapist, and trusted them, which does not come naturally to me.
Of course, as in any profession, there are therapists out there that don’t know sh*t from shinola- you just have to keep trying until you find someone who clicks with you.
It’s my opinion that most, if not all, people could benefit from counseling or therapy, even if they’ve had the perfect life, which it sounds like you haven’t. I’d strongly encourage you to give it a shot. As to your fears about them discussing you with their friends, I’d guess that it does happen. But, they can’t disclose your name, so who cares? If they see you out in public, like in the grocery store, they can’t say hello to you first, if you don’t acknowledge them they can’t acknowledge you. I’d wager that if you discussed your confidentiality issues with them on the first visit, they’d put you at ease about it.
From my own experiences, it may be that when you consider going into therapy, your mind (which has grown used to its demons and feels comfortable with them at this point) can make up “reasons” why you should just leave things alone. Many years ago I went into therapy to deal with issues about my father, who was abusive and who I no longer have contact with. Almost immediately, I began to have thoughts like “but he raised you, fed you, blah blah” and so forth. Your mind very often does not want to be therapied, maybe it’s a natural instinct to want to throw everything into the mental closet and close the door real quick, as effective therapy is very difficult and emotionally draining.
It’s my hope that you see through your fears and go for the counseling. You don’t have to settle for the first therapist that comes along- if you’re not comfortable get another. And another and another, if you have to. Good luck.
My fear with my doctor is that he thought I was boring.
Do you read this board? Have you read some of the things that people admit to doing here? I’m sure that what ever you have to say to your doc will not be the worst thing they’ve ever heard.
Share your concerns with your therapist. He/she will tell you that confidentiality (with the exception of you being a threat to yourself or someone else) is of paramount importance. Yeah, it may take some time for you to build up trust, but the job of your therapist is to create a safe and supportive environment where you are able to discuss sensitive issues. I think that you’ll feel better about seeing a therapist once you’ve actually gone, but if you don’t feel confortable with your therapist, find another one.