The percentage of snark to useful information here is surprisingly high, even for SDMB standards.
That’s what happens when you talk about wanting to bang a woman who you apparently feel contempt and disgust for, despite the fact that it will likely have pretty meaningful life-changing negative consequences for her and that she doesn’t really in any way seem into it…going as far as to citing fear of freaking death. She doesn’t want to do this, and the OP almost certainly isn’t going to be giving her what she is looking for.
Nowhere in any of this does raskolnik show any affection or concern or respect for this girl beyond getting in to her pants- he doesn’t want to know tips for making it not hurt, he just wants some line he can tell her so she’ll give in.
Unfortunately, the young woman is almost certainly not on the same page as him. In rural China, women may not always wait until marriage, but generally “good girls” lose their virginity to a guy with the understanding that marriage will be on the plate relatively soon and that’s where it’s all going. In a culture where career options for women can be severely limited, marriage represents a woman’s best chance of getting any security in life, and women have a very short timespan to make that happen. A non-virgin will have much more limited dating options, since the most eligible men will expect to be their wife’s first boyfriend, and virginity is part of that package. It’s an often misogynist culture, and becoming “damaged goods” can have a very real impact on the rest of your life. She’ll still be marriageable, but she’ll be excluded from the top tier- but if she wastes too much time with raskolnik, she may lose her chance all together. And single women, unfortunately, have no place in rural Chinese society.
My horse in the race comes from having spent two years trying to explain that westerners were not all sex-crazed maniacs intent on snapping up their students, taking their virginity and leaving them out to dry, while dealing with a whole lot of westerners around me who were furiously snapping up their students, taking their virginity, and leaving them out to dry.
Go to a pink light salon and get your rocks off so that you can think straight. Then you have two choices. You can find a good-times girl who is just as game as you are and get down and dirty all you like. Or you can keep dating this girl and do it right- at her pace, with what level of physicality she is comfortable with, and with the understanding that- bar some completely cataclysmic event- you are moving towards marriage and a kid within the next couple of years.
I did not categorize your information as snark. I think the context into Chinese mores was interesting and insightful.
Garlic Sauce and Ben Gay? Not so much.
I took it to mean that she will want to continue the relationship indefinitely with her first sexual partner.
I came in to share my experience, but now that I’ve read the thread, instead I will say, thank you even sven, for that discussion.
So if you get a long enough list of people saying it’s OK, you’ll do what?
I think that’s related to the fact that seriously wondering “if women can die from the pain” doesn’t paint the girl in question as very bright at all, as if she might not make the lower threshold for the IQ differences relationship thread. People might not be comfortable offering advice to convince a stupid person to sleep with the OP, I know I’m not.
When I tried to lose my virginity I couldn’t. My boyfriend and I tried several times with all manner of foreplay and lube. He was unable to penetrate me at all and when he tried it was excruciating. It was the worst pain I had felt up to that point and was only eclipsed by labor several years later. I would grit my teeth and try to tough it out and just ended up crying and whimpering, which immediately made him lose his erection. There was a lot of snuggling and third base stuff, because I would be sore for a day or two after each attempt.
Finally I talked to my doctor and had to have out patient surgery to cut my hymen and stretch me out. We had to wait six weeks after the surgery to try to consummate. The first two times we had sex it still kind of hurt but it was bearable. The third time it hurt a lot (though not as bad as the original attempts) and I bled a bit. After that we had not more problems.
There. Tell her that. It’ll solve everyone’s problems.
Hey, I read “the Bell Jar” which would be enough to make you hide under your bed for a week.
She’s Chinese, both teachers and parents are shy about giving ‘the talk’ so even the smart ones learn it from porn and hearsay.
Where does necrophilia enter into it?
And China Guy.
I grew up in a society in which people weren’t expected to be virgins in their wedding day, but they were expected (specially the girls) to have “done it” only with the person they were marrying - a guy who promised “I’ll treat you like a queen!” and then discarded the girl would have been considered a lower lifeform than amoebas.
-I was not asking questions about relationship status…I was asking about pain. I don’t like hurting people. It’s been interesting to see what people have infered from my question.
You don’t post in a vacuum. People remember what others have posted in the past when they respond to a query.
In your case it’s obvious you’ve gotten involved with a girl who is very naive, very sheltered and from a culture where your selfish desire to get your end away can have lasting negative repercussions for her life. Not just your posts in this thread, but your posts elsewhere about her IQ, about her being “brainwashed” by her upbringing paint a picture - she’s not very worldly at all.
Your posts seem entirely concerned with how you can convince her it won’t hurt that much, and not at all concerned with the potential emotional and social fallout she could suffer, all because you want to “crack open a cold one”. You may not like physically hurting her, but posters are trying to point out and get it through your skull that even if you don’t hurt her physically, if you’re not very careful you could hurt her in a very significant emotional way.
While I don’t always agree with even sven’s take on the world, this is one situation where I feel she is spot-on. Disregard her advice at your own peril.
What does this mean?
It hurt more than bouncing my head off ice-covered concrete and giving myself a concussion, and less than having several sticks of lidocaine injected into my already painful crotch for an in-office procedure.
I am a woman. I was 21 years 3 months and 23 days old when I lost my virginity. Not that I was keeping count or anything. 
Now listen to me, this is very important for you to know: It did not hurt at all.
I didn’t have an orgasm, either, but I had a damn good time and it left me looking forward to more.
Now, a little discomfort is not unusual, but we’re talking minimal and transient, and often it doesn’t hurt. Certainly it shouldn’t be bad enough that a woman is in any way imagining she could “die from the pain”.
Key points:
[ul]
[li]She needs to be very relaxed[/li][li]She needs to feel safe[/li][li]No pressure - if she orgasms fine, but in no way should this be an expectation or requirment[/li][li]It should be all about HER - this time around, the man’s pleasure should be secondary. Your goal, as her partner, is to make her first time the absolute best lovemaking you can deliver to a woman.[/li][li]Lots and lots and lots and lots of foreplay[/li][/ul]
If she feels safe, is relaxed, and is thoroughly aroused it should be a happy and pleasurable experience, even if there is a small bit of pain (which, I add again, does not happen for all women).
OH, I wasn’t aware of the social details here - in the context of a conservative/misogynist culture, it might be better long-term for you to NOT bang this girl and leave her to someone who is actually intending to marry her.
Bolding mine. This was not the case at all for me, and I was totally into it. It’s also a pretty broad brush to paint with considering the experiences of some of the women who’ve already posted.