Would it bother you if your wife suddenly developed an interest in romance novels if her behavior toward you stayed exactly the same? Would you be tempted to pick one up to see what she was so taken with?
How about if she developed an sudden interest in porn (that she didn’t seem interested in sharing with you, like you realized her browser history had porn sites or you found magazines in her dresser drawer)?
Well, I developed a sudden interest in writing romance novels (which includes reading them) and I have several gigs of porn (which I don’t particularly care to have my husband watch), and my husband didn’t care at all.
Why are you asking?
No but these scenarios are so outlandish that I can’t imagine them happening with my wife.
A husband’s reaction to either of these things would probably depend on the wife’s temperament as much as the husbands.
Why am I asking…I think a lot of married women would be concerned if their husbands developed a sudden new interest in porn. Many women might feel insecure…like “why is he looking at other women, what’s wrong with meeeee?” and I wondered if there was anything like an analogous feeling in men.
You started with a faulty premise, so the conclusion is not likely to be useful.
If my wife developed a sudden interest in romance novels, I would find it strange, but ultimately I wouldn’t care. It would be a rather radicle departure from her normal taste in books, but hey, my taste is varried and I am not going to hold it against her if she wants to read something outside of her normal niche.
If she developed a “sudded” interest in porn, I would also think it was weird. Or, well, I would think it was weird if she suddenly started hiding it from me. I don’t know that I would care all that much, but I might be interested in finding out why she was hiding her porn all of a sudden. It wouldn’t bother me in the least if she didn’t want to share it though.
I’d be worried if she developed a sudden interest in romance novels just like I’d be worried if she developed a sudden interest in Kincaid paintings.
If she developed a sudden interest in porn I’d be fine with it, but I’d be happier if I were included, or at least saw some benefits from it. But it wouldn’t bother me too much if she didn’t.
If something like this has happened between you and the man in your life, then I’d wonder if it were really a “sudden interest” and not just something that was there all along but you never knew about.
I insist that all of my girlfriends be illiterate, so I would naturally be concerned by the first scenario.
I would be concerned. Not that she would like these things…that’s OK. But that it was sudden. I would be suspicious.
The romance novel thing would generally be much worse than the porn. Almost all men look at porn or have spent some significant time doing so in the past so that is easy to relate to. I would think that it is weird but there may be some benefits to it as well. Lots of females are not wise to the ways of the world when it comes to sexual topics so I think it would at least be educational even if it is purely intellectual.
I can’t think of a male analogue to romance novels so I would think that is even more odd and threatening. I would probably suspect that I was about to be blind-sided by something because of the content even if it is just nagging and generalized contempt.
Not married, but I suspect my reaction would be, “She has let it be known that she likes romance novels. What is she hinting at? What is the secret message that she hopes I will get? Is she saying ‘This is what I want for Christmas’ or ‘our love life is boring’ or is she saying ‘I wish you would work out more’ or what?”
It probably wouldn’t occur to me that she just likes it.
Romance novels: personally I don’t understand/appreciate them on an aesthetic level, but I don’t demand that my wife shares my aesthetic tastes 100% (she also likes [del]Death Nap for Snoozie[/del] Death Cab for Cutie). I’d also be happy to know that while correlation doesn’t imply causation, some studies have shown that reading romance novels leads to fantasizing about sex, and women who fantasize about sex more often tend to have more sex. And more sex for me is always a good thing.
Porn: See above, without the aesthetic caveat. Unless it was, like, some sort of fetish porn and then I might worry that she had some sort of sexual needs/desires that I either wasn’t aware of or wasn’t meeting. I’d probably end up talking that situation to death, though. :smack:
So in both general cases no, no problem at all. People’s tastes change over time, and maybe someone’s internal fantasy life has a bit of writer’s block.
Romance novels and porn are fine. But if my partner developes a sudden interest in Kincaid paintings…we’re gonna have a serious talk.
If I had a wife and she developed an interest in romance novels, I’d encourage her (reading is good!) and use it as a conversation point; I’d also read one or two myself. (IIRC men are a substantial minority of romance readers).
She did, I tried one, she’s welcome to them.
Do men develop “sudden” interests in porn? Don’t men find porn around the age of puberty and pretty much learn to keep it a secret from then on? Plus, I’m not convinced “a lot” of married women would react that way.
Secret? It’s got its own dedicated external hard drive and cd case.
I’d be so insanely jealous and upset I would lose my mind.
There, now you have support from a man that you can quote.
olivesmarido responds below:
‘‘I would be confused as to why this wasn’t leading to more sex.’’
‘‘With you I would actually be more surprised by the romance novels.’’