I’ve been feeling less and less sexual as I age. Which is normal to an extent, but I’m still fairly young and I’d say my feelings toward it are abnormal. It’s to the point now where I’m thoroughly disgusted with the psychological games people play (sometimes even unconsciously) to find someone to fuck (even long term), and I’m seriously considering the possibilities of entering into a relationship that establishes abstention at the get-go.
But I do still have emotional needs. It would be nice to get married to (or domestically partnered with) a person who shares similar interests with me, so I’d have someone to love and who is a good companion, without all the worrying about sexual incompatibility or having to adhere to “standards of fuckability” (like leg shaving, pube shaving, losing looks or succumbing to gravity as we age, whatever). Ideally I would like to adopt a child with this mythical person, share finances, and have all the perks of marriage or domestic partnership, without the accessory of sex.
Backstory aside, the reason I’m posting is I’d like to know: where should I be looking? I’m not one to discriminate on age, size, or looks–even in the past when I’ve been looking for partners with whom I have planned to be sexual. I would be perfectly fine dating people who lack sexual function because of a disability, providing they’re not just looking for a financial sugar momma (lol). I’m pretty simply looking for an atheist with a job and a work ethic who shares my enjoyment of gaming and wants to raise a kid together… *without *the sex stuff. Gender is irrelevant. Up until this point I’ve identified primarily as heterosexual with unexplored bicuriosity. But if I’m not having sex with a partner, I don’t have any reason to care what’s filling their pants or shirt!
I ask that you do not question or criticize my motives or reason for feeling the way I do, or suggest psychological treatment to “get over” my aversion to sex. I’m just trying to gather information on how to get into this area of dating, hopefully from folks in non-sexual relationships who have experience in this realm. Any unsolicited advice in that area will be disregarded, so don’t waste your energy or my time.
Alot of those “standards of fuckability” will not apply much with someone who cares about you much. I would never get involved in a relationship under the terms of no sex ever. At the same time I know a long term relationship or marriage is going to include that our bodies change as we age and requiring certain grooming affectations above and beyond basic clean is not very nice IMHO.
I thought regular sex with the person I love is one of the big perks of marriage.
Did you miss the entire disclaimer at the end of my post? I don’t care about your experiences with sexual relationships, they are not relevant, I’ve had many of my own, I do not want to hear about them from you or anybody else.
This is why I wanted this in MPSIMS and not IMHO. -_-
I’m a happy ho and have never felt the slightest inclination to turn down an opportunity for sex, but I do know where you might be able to find some companionship that feels similarly.
Asexualitic.com is a free dating site for asexuals. Presumably, people you meet on there won’t have be looking for sexual relationships and are instead looking for non-sexual partnerships. Some may want romance (just without sex) and some might want an intimate, but non-romantic friendship.
If that one doesn’t work for you, I suggest checking out other asexual communities. From your OP it sounds like you don’t identify as asexual and this is simply an aversion you’ve developed over time. So long as you’d be happy with a partner who has no desire for sex, though, an asexual might be a good choice. Even without sex, many (though not all) people still want romance and emotional intimacy.
I agree with the thoughts already posted that your best bet would be to get involved in the disabled community or asexuality community (another website for that is http://www.asexuality.org ).
I don’t think there is anything wrong with what you’re looking for. Just because many people do want a sexual relationship doesn’t mean it’s wrong for you to look for something different. I’d expect that many disabled people are interested in companionship even if they are limited in their ability to have sex and would likely really welcome meeting people like you who aren’t interested in a sexual relationship.
Not threadshitting at all. drachillix wasn’t questioning your decision concerning sex at all-the inquiry was about what you would or would not allow your hypothetical partner to do. This is a reasonable question.
You say tomato, I say moderator? Wandering into a thread about asexuality saying how great sex is working out for you is the very definition of a threadshit, in much the same way as wandering into a gay thread and talking about the awesomeness of heterosexuality would be. Particularly if the OP had outright stated they didn’t want to hear about the awesomeness of heterosexuality.
But I’ll just report it next time, sorry to be usurpy. I am upset because the thread was started in MPSIMS and I never wanted it in IMHO to begin with. =(
I’d actually be cautious about that line of thinking. While some people who are physically disabled may not be capable of having traditional intercourse, there are far fewer of them than you might think. And it isn’t as though people wear signs explaining how their disability affects their sex lives. For example, the difference between someone who has a spinal cord injury high enough to inhibit erections and someone whose injury is below that isn’t apparent unless you ask some really personal questions. Plus, even in cases where the physical ability for traditional intercourse is gone the desire usually remains and alternate means of expressing that desire are found. If rachelellogram doesn’t want to deal with sex or the pursuit of sex, she’s better off focusing on people who specifically don’t want sex.