What’s your obsession with this? Why are you so interested in playing white knight?
…what about it?
His first link was to the exact same fucking thread we’ve been discussing since post 21. A single thread does not show a pattern. Especially over something that is nearly three years old.
I have no idea if the second cited thread mentions the son or not. But Azeotrope doesn’t mention it. And I’m not going on a wild goose chase to see if it does or not.
So no: post 172 doesn’t show jack shit. But hey, since your here, maybe you can give it a go.
…obsessed?
This is the Straight Dope. Fighting ignorance and all that. This is a fucking message board and we are in the fucking pit. We talk about things here. What is your obsession with this? Why the fuck are you posting here? Do we need to get permission before we are allowed to post?
And White Knight? seriously? I’m a male SJW. This isn’t the first time I’ve been called a white knight. It was a pathetic insult the first time it was used, and it is just as pathetic now.
So rather than using lame, pathetic, tired insults, why don’t you just answer the question I asked you?
I don’t give a shit either way. I’m just amused by your and BigT’s manufactured outrage.
“Oh, noes! Some random person I don’t even know is being mocked on the internet! How horrible! How will I ever get to sleep tonight?”
I think Dangerosa is doing herself a bigger favor by staying away from this thread than you are doing for her. You’re a tedious douchebag.
…you are a fucking riot. Read my fucking posts you idiot. I’m literally asking for cites. This thread is built on hot air. People are recalling a pattern of posts that doesn’t appear to exist.
You can keep on insulting me or you can show that I am wrong. Why the fuck are you being so evasive? How hard is it for you guys to pony up this pattern of posts? Why are you guys not answering the question “which posts concern you?”
Women, amirite?
This thread is being presented, by those questioning Dangerosa’s actions and motivations as a parent, as a sort of intervention. But it’s an intervention being staged in the internet equivalent of a rowdy food court in front of random passersby, on the basis of a non-sequitur observation from Green Bean, supported so far by one cited thread from over 30 months ago.
That’s not how you do an intervention folks. If you’re assuming the responsibility to help someone recognize and deal with a problem, which is a good and proper thing, it’s incumbent on you to establish the reasons you believe the problem exists and to marshal both the evidence and your argument in order to confront the person you’re purportedly helping.
So far this reads like the resurrection of an unfinished argument from 2014. As a previously unaffected observer here, I don’t blame anyone else for being unconvinced and for pushing back in this very public forum against what so far seems to be a beef between a group of some indeterminant size in concert against one individual. But more importantly, I can’t see any reason anyone’s given why Dangerosa should even ‘acknowledge’ the existence of a problem.
Weak pittings are one thing; they’re frequently amusing and sometimes instructive. Anyone who gets bent out of shape by poor pittings should probably get a more productive hobby.
But weak, amateurish or unfocused “interventions” in a forum like this should anger everyone who cares about helping people. Because to anyone casually reading it, this sort of therapy is indistinguishable from the public pillory. And to the recipient, it’s indistinguishable from bullying.
Absolutely no dog in this hunt, but I’m somehow inexplicably amused by Banquet Bear’s habit of starting posts with ellipses. As if he were continuing a prior thought each time.
Well, I do think BigT is a boorish, preachy asshole, but he doesn’t deserve the level of abuse he gets. Perhaps it’s similar for Dangerosa. I don’t know, I’m just here for the extraneous post-starting ellipses.
You do know your insistence on having this pattern spelled out for you is probably extending the life of this thread longer than need be, right?
If you really cared about Dangerosa’s feelings, you could let this thing quickly die a quiet little death. But no, you’re keeping it going with your demand to see all of Dangerosa’s cringe-worthy posts put on display.
I have a daughter with significant behavioural and emotional issues who makes me crazy, and a son who is easygoing and sweet. I love them both passionately and think they are both incredible human beings. However, a couple of years ago I went on a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends I don’t see often. As we got caught up over wine, one of them gently mentioned how when I talked about my daughter I was defensive and tense, and when I talked about my son I glowed. I had always been careful of how I spoke about them - conscious of not comparing them, and of not seeming to brag about their achievements or put them down when they stumbled, so I scoffed at the idea and asked for examples. They both really tried to think of what exactly it was, but eventually said they couldn’t quite put their finger on it, but just both had gotten the same overall impression. It was absolutely a revelation, and it broke my heart, but I am truly grateful for that conversation to this day.
I had always been wholly aware of my daughter’s strengths and successes, and also aware of my son’s flaws and weaknesses, but had no idea that when I spoke of them, I was only showing my frustration with her and my pride in him. The realization not only changed my awareness of how I spoke of them, but also how I spoke to them, and actually ultimately how I saw them, and I think it added a new depth not only in my relationship with them, but in their relationship with each other as well.
I don’t know that I agree that this thread was the best method of bringing this issue up with Dangerosa, but if so many people are getting that impression then maybe there is some value in letting her know that she can come across that way. If she doesn’t see any value in their opinion, then really, it’s just a bunch of strangers on the internet and she can choose to ignore it.
HER first link, thanks. Girls can do chemistry and carry on pointless internet arguments too, you know, Mr. SJW 
It was an attempt to show, in Dangerosa’s own words, how she speaks about the son and daughter using very different language on the same exact topic, since some people don’t want to read long threads.
Anyway, here’s some from the past year. In the interest of fairness I’m only posting quotes from when she mentions both the son and daughter on the same topic, though there are an abundance of threads where she posts about the brilliant, accomplished, beautiful daughter on her own. Since we can’t search for 3 letter words it’s harder to find references to the son.
I’m sure there are more in the past few years, but I haven’t got all day to spend on this. I hope this puts paid to the notion that this is just “carrying on an argument from 3 years ago” over one incident.
This is what I keep thinking too…really, BanquetBear, give it a rest.
Thank you. Hopefully that will meet BanquetBear’s quota of cites.
Well, Sarahfeena declined so maybe you could pit her.
I get the impression that BigT dishes it out all the time. I don’t really read his posts because the tone generally turns me off but he’s not getting shit here in this thread just because of his actions here.
Did you know that you can’t actually search for only “son”? It would take hours and hours to find the actual cites, but as someone pointed out, that wouldn’t satisfy you anyway.
However, it’s not just one thread.
Obviously she is far too good of a mother to actually believe this, it’s hyperbole, but that is so jarring to read these things contrasted to the praise she – justifiable – lavishes on her incredible daughter.
Her daughter wanted to go into girl scouting. She couldn’t find a troop so she lead it herself. Her son wanted to join boy scouts and she wouldn’t let him because he’s an agnostic and for her that was more important to stand up to that then let him join.
She and her husband missed the meeting for football and decided, without asking the coach about it, that the policies didn’t match their family family based on what another parent’s reports. She and her husband regularly go and fight with the school for her daughter’s rights. She didn’t sign her son up for hockey because it “takes commitment.”
She thinks her son dresses “thugish.” Those are hard words, IMHO for a child and even if she doesn’t use them with him – which I presume that she doesn’t – thinking them could have an influence.
You can easily find a lot of praise for her daughter.
She – understandable – values education and sounds disappointed that her son is likely headed for trade school.
It’s all small stuff and if there were just a few of them then I don’t think people would have paid attention. It’s just that the difference between the praise for her daughter and the lack of it for the son is noticeable.
Did you miss all of the “if’s” in my post? There are a bunch of people here certain of what is happening, but I’ve clearly stated that I don’t know.
If IvoryTower, Sarahfeene or a few other posters whom I really respect tell me that they think I need to reflect on what I post, then I will.
These are great examples. One of the things that bothers me in particular is when she talks about her child not sharing her “values.” While this word can mean a lot of things, I feel like in this case what it means is that he cares less about academics than she would like, and isn’t a hard worker. I think it’s a mistake, though, to be unsupportive of the things that the kid does value (like sports) and then complain that he doesn’t want to do anything.
The dress code thing was like that as well. She and her husband fight tooth and nail with the school for her because it reflects her values, but she wants the school to back her on her fights with her son because the choices he makes go against her “morals.” That’s harder for me to understand, and it would seem easy for the son to look at that as being unfair.
It’s got to be tough when you have children so different. I totally get that.
It’s really easy to love children who mirror you. Even as babies they were different. My daughter and I “connected” easier. Same sort of sense of humor. Same sort of appreciation of things, even when she was two.
But as IvyTower pointed out, her son needed her to back him up and appreciate what he did, even if it wasn’t something she liked or valued.
Here’s another example, concerning homework.
(my bolding) Yes, this isn’t a big deal in and of itself. In fact, it’s not remarkable at all that kids are different and that she would be worried more about one than another.
However, it’s just the same pattern. She – understandably – values hard work and academic achievements so we hear all the good stories about her daughter.
It’s really wonderful that she is very supportive of her daughter and the gender identity changes she has had. That’s really cool but it also is something which she was supportive of before having her daughter.
In the school dress code, I couldn’t keep my eyes from rolling over Dangerosa’s apparent inability to apply the same rules to both kids.
Daughter should get to wear what she wants to wear. The fact that some people may think she’s a slut whore for her clothing choices isn’t her problem, but theirs. OK, I totally agree with this.
But her son wants to wear what he wants to wear too, and yet Dangerosa has a problem with this because she thinks what he wants to wear makes him look like a thug. The fact that he’s non-white only enhances this image. For some reason, it is not society’s responsibility to get over its racism like it should its sexism. It’s her son’s responsibility to dress non-thuggish.
Daughter will suffer from anxiety attacks if you monitor what she wears, so the poor thing should be left alone. After all, she’s fighting for women’s rights! But the son is just being willful and rebellious for no good reason. Can’t he see that if only he stopped dressing like a thug, he’d fit in better?
It was that thread that made me understand why transracial adoptions are fraught with special concerns. It’s one thing to have to give “the talk” to children of color–every parent of color knows this all to well. But you don’t give “the talk” to the nonwhite child and then let the white child flaunt her privilege. Either both kids get their own version of “the talk” or you let both of them do whatever the hell they want to do and let them face the consequences, so they’ll learn on their own which battles to fight.
I think both kids have had way too much of their personal lives exposed on the board.
Very well said, You With The Face. I will add that a huge part of her daughter’s privilege is having a white, upper-middle-class educated parent who will come in to fight battles for you. Ironically, this is a privilege that her son also should have but for some reason doesn’t.
So Banquet Bear, happy now? As you wanted. Got Dangerosa’s posts over years posted and analysed. Makes her feel sooooo much better now I am sure.
Compiled for your evaluation. None of the posts have been snipped. Some are quite old, others are more recent.
Oh, and FFS, stop posting ellipses at the start of every post you make.