…we are on the straight fucking dope. Fighting ignorance since 1973. If you can show me a pattern I’m happy to agree a pattern exists. But you’ve shown me a thread from 2014. That isn’t a fucking pattern.
That’s fine, as I in no way am trying to convince you.
I am owning the question I asked Dangerosa, haven’t done anything but that.
Because of the pattern of behavior she’s exhibited, exactly what we’re trying to say. I mean why do you THINK we’d ask her about this? What motivation do we have for making it all up?
I actually DID ask her a question, and I put it in the pit, where we were told to put it. If she doesn’t want to respond, she doesn’t have to. I just want her to think about it, and it’s very easy to dismiss a PM as just being one person who has an axe to grind, or is reading things wrong, or is just a crackpot. Harder to dismiss when you see that multiple people have seen the same pattern.
That’s fine, you can think whatever you’d like.
Just want to add my voice to the whole “Dangerosa’s comments about each of her kids are kinda troubling” crowd. I’ve noticed it for a while, but (like you) I haven’t kept a log of each instance, as much as just it’s just left a lasting impression.
Sarahfeena, don’t let a few people think that you’re a lone wolf in this (although I think the thread has already shown you that you are not).
I’d like to quote IvoryTowerDenizen from earlier in the thread:
The part that is bolded is the best way this can be described. It’s a pattern of behavior on this message board over a number of years. There isn’t one post that can be pointed at, any one of them would likely sound innocuous on it’s own. They must be taken in aggregate in order to establish a pattern…much more than what could reasonably be quoted here. But my point in reposting this is to ask you, do you think IvoryTowerDenizen would make the above up? Why would she do that? Doesn’t it seem awfully specific to be something that she just pulled out of the clear blue sky?
Thanks Calatin. It doesn’t really bother me if people aren’t convinced, I only want to assure everyone I have no ulterior motive nor do I have any kind of a grudge against Dangerosa for any reason.
…what pattern of behaviour?
If this pattern exists: then prove it. I don’t believe you. I believe you believe a pattern of behaviour exists: I don’t have a fucking clue why you believe it exists, because it doesn’t appear to be based on Dangerosa’s posts. But you can prove the pattern does exist quite simply by showing us all this pattern.
I’m not asking you anything extraordinarily hard here. This is your pit thread. At least give it a bit of effort.
Well as I said I’m not trying to convince you.
…I’m not the only one in this thread who doesn’t believe you. You can keep believing a fantasy if you like. It would take you all of half an hour to find evidence of this behaviour if it actually existed. But no one has chosen to do so.
But the majority do. That’s like saying the Earth isn’t round because not everyone believes it is.
Do you really think there’s some big conspiracy to paint **Dangerosa **as a bad mom, or do you think that maybe you just haven’t read the same threads as the majority of posters in this thread?
Yes, and I’m not the only one who sees the pattern, so again, whatever. What you don’t get is that even if I could document everything, that would just be adding to the pile on that you claim I’m trying to cause. Dangerosa is the only one who I would like to take what I have said and think about it…and if I haven’t convinced the rest of the world, then that’s better for her, right? You are probably right that she’s not going to respond and really she doesn’t have to. I just want her to consider what some of us have said.
Banquet Bear- aside from what the others said above, you’re clearly committed to dismissing anything anybody might present. There would be no point in putting together a group of quotes.
The example of the double standard that sticks out most in my mind is from this thread regarding dress codes.
Post 24
So when her “very intelligent headstrong lesbian feminist” daughter defies authority by walking around in booty shorts and camisoles she’s Fighting The Power and Sticking It To The Man.
Post 33, same thread
So when her son breaks the dress code, which according to another thread is meant to slut-shame girls who only want to show off their bodies and not arouse those pesky boys who really ought to be able to rein in their hormones at will, she’s bothered enough by his appearance that she wishes the school would intervene and tell him that his fashion choices are unnacceptable.
[Moderating]
If only you’d figured that out at the top of your post, instead of the bottom, I wouldn’t be giving you a warning for ignoring moderator instructions.
[/Moderating]
Banquet Bear, as has been pointed out, Sarahfeena had something to say to Dangerosa and by board policy was instructed to bring it here because it concerned another poster. You can’t really equate Sarahfeena’s OP to a classical pitting.
Both she and IvoryTower are some of the most thoughtful posters on the boards. Neither of them are attacking Dangerosa on this.
They are not among those with pitchforks. They are simply pointing out something which a number of us has felt to be jarring.
It’s damn tough to be a parent. It’s even more so when children have tough struggles, which is seems that Dangerosa’s son has. I feel for both of them.
However, from personal experience I have seen the pernicious damage which occurs when there is a golden child in a family. If that is what is happening (which we really don’t know of course) then it would be worth an attempted wake up call.
The sensible posters here have done just that. They have gone out of their way to show that they aren’t blaming Dangerosa for her son’s struggles. (Yes, there are those who have, but I think that’s really beyond what we can possible tell and it would be terrible to say so even if it were true.)
QFT
I do feel for her boy as well as for her. Having gone through my own substance abuse problems, it’s tough to deal with for everyone. My children are still too young to have that issue, but I really hope we are going to have other problems and not that particular one.
…bullshit. I would hazard a guess the overwhelming majority of members here don’t even know who Dangerosa is, let alone think that she is a problematic parent.
Since when has asking for a cite been some sort of huge conspiracy? There is only one pattern here in this thread: and that is a pattern of a whole bunch of people not providing a cite. Are you all remembering that one thread back in 2014 and conflating it with something else? Because it sure as shit looks like that to me. It doesn’t have to be a conspiracy.
You believe that Dangerosa’s comments are “kinda troubling.” I don’t think asking you “which comments are you talking about” is an unfair question to ask. So which comments are you talking about?
…how hard is it to find some examples of Dangerosa using “describing her daughter’s successes, failures, and tribulations is consistently empowering, positive, and validating”, and to provide examples of “the language she uses to describe her son’s successes, failures, and tribulations is consistently minimizing, negative, and invalidating?” These aren’t subjective measures. You can see examples of this in the 2014 thread. So if there is a pattern of this: then you have no excuse not to show it.
If you need to point to an aggregate of posts then fucking point to an aggregate of posts. But you keep asserting a pattern exists and when I ask you to show me this pattern your response is “trust me. It exists.”
Why the fuck should I just trust you? Do the fucking leg-work. This is your fucking pit thread. You’ve just provided the measure we can use. So do it already.
…to be clear: the instruction was “Green Bean, let’s avoid making this personal, in this forum. Use the Pit if you need to.” Sarahfeena is not Green Bean. Pitting Dangerosa was not the only option. Who starts a fucking pit thread for someone you want to help?
I actually think that Sarahfeena is trying to help.
But Sarahfeena started this pit thread. IvoryTower has made claims about another poster here in this pit thread. Asking them to back up their claims is not unreasonable in the slightest. No matter how “thoughtful” they may be.
And yet here we are. BigT stood up for Dangerosa and look what happened to him. This is the pit. Don’t start something here if you want to run away from the consequences.
Can you show me the posts that lead you to believe Dangerosa’s family has a “golden child?” And please, not that same thread from 2014. Azeotrope has just cited that one again. This is getting embarrassing for you guys. If you wanted to give her a “wake up call” then you are three years too fucking late.
Please be precise and tell me what her son has gone through over the last three years. What do you really know?
Pitting someone is a remarkably stupid way to show concern.
The reality is that you have no clue what she is going through. You’ve read a handful of her posts on a messageboard. We all go through shit. If, one day, (and I hope it doesn’t) when your kids are no longer young and they start having problems: I hope that you don’t slip up, say something that maybe you shouldn’t have on a messageboard and then three years later people start to lecture you on how to be a parent.
Between you and BigT, your finger-wagging generates a pretty nice breeze in here, you know that?
…hello random person number six to address me!
I’ve asked the other people a very simple question. Would you care to give it a go? Do you see this pattern the other people are talking about? Can you provide some cites?
Post #172?