A friend of mine attended a wedding for the relative of a co-worker recently - therefore, not someone she knew well - and her description of this behavior by the bride & groom left me gaping. I’m not a big one for formal wedding tradition, but now I’m curious as to whether the following is an accepted custom I’ve never heard about previously.
At the reception, the guests found little signs on the tables that indicated that the bride & groom planned to sell the wedding gifts, and use all the cash donations, to finance the purchase translations of the New Testament and to distribute them in a foreign country. (Deliberately keeping the details as vague as possible, but you get the idea)
(a) Is it acceptable to announce that you are selling/using your wedding gifts for charitable purchases?
(b) If so, does it matter that the charitable gifts were religious, especially when many of the attendees were from the business sector and could not reasonably be expected to share the beliefs of the couple? Would it have been more acceptable if their intended use were, say, buying wells or chickens?
On the one hand, it does seem rude that the couple annnounced their intention to “liquidate” any gifts they received. OTOH, they are gifts. That means “freely given with no strings nor expectations attached”. I just wonder why the happy couple didn’t accept the gifts as given, thank the givers and then do what they wanted with the booty. If an individual later asked “What ever happened to that Ronco Slice-N-Dicer we gave you?” an explanation could be given.
Count me in as another who would have taken my gift and left.
If they had included it ahead of time, in a phone call or a separate card or even on the invite (better tacky that way than this way) - “We prefer not to have a gift, but if you really want, you can donate to this organization” - but this smacks of them going through the gifts, choosing what they want to keep, and selling the rest.
Personally I couldn’t care less if the happy couple takes their gifts down to Harry’s Cash 'n Pawn (it really does exist) and used the cash to buy crack and hookers, they can do with them whatever they like. However, to announce it is just plain old tacky. It just isn’t done.
However, a little note saying the happy couple was pawning their gifts and using the cash to buy crack and hookers would have gone in my special stash of priceless momentoes.
1.The decision to go to China with Bibles (or wherever it is) was made long after most of the gifts had arrived, and well after the registry had been set up.
The couple had no registry and were too polite to ask for cash gifts, but wanted to let the few who had brought them gifts know what they intended to do with them.
Hi Opal
I’m saying they might have a reason, not that they have any excuse for such awful behaviour…the awful behaviour is the cards, not selling the gifts, by the way. A gift is the recipient’s property to do with AS THEY WISH, a gift with conditions on its usage is, by definition, not a gift.
The classier thing to do would have been to write individual thank you cards after the wedding, thanking people for their gifts and saying, as nicely as possible, what the couple did with them.
(b) see (a) - if they didn’t announce they were doing it, this would be moot.
(c) no - they should have in no way advertised their lack of breeding.
The above being said, I once worked with a woman who deliberately registered for expensive items with the fully announced intention of returning them for cash to finance a honeymoon. Just as bad as your example.
VCNJ~
That’s another thing. I really, really despise to the bottom of my heart prosetlyzing (I know I spelled that wrong) and would be really really offended that my gift, which I had chosen with care for the couple, was being sold to espouse a cause I don’t even approve of. I know that you do what you want with gifts, but at least don’t tell me about it. If they had said the money was going to something tangible and more worthwhile in my eyes, like food or clothes or education, then it wouldn’t bother me quite as much.
So they were using the proceeds to buy copies of the New Testament? The same New Testament that tells believers that, when performing acts of charity, they shouldn’t let their left hand know what their right hand is doing? And they announced this intention to all the wedding guests? Yeah, that’s not only tacky, it goes directly against the teachings of the Good Book.
Wow. I’d do one of those goggle-eyed things if I read something like that at a wedding. In my opinion, I think it’s kind of crass to tell all your wedding guests that you plan to sell the gifts they bought for you specifically and use the cash to do something else. Kind of - I don’t know, misleading is the best word I can come up with right now. :rolleyes:
I’m invited to Jack and Jill’s wedding. I access Jack and Jill’s wedding registry at big box department store and buy a gift for the happy couple. I take gift to the wedding and hope they will like it and will be able to get many years of use out of the gift I gave them.
However, I also know that once I give that gift, they can do whatever they want with it. No strings attached, and all that jazz. Not my business what they do with it after I give it to them.
But to put out little signs announcing the sale of the wedding gifts to finance a personal project…mmm, I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it but it’s unsettling to me and just doesn’t sound right. They’d have been better off not putting the signs out and just doing what they pleased with the gifts after all was said and done. It just seemed unnecessary to specifically put out signs at the wedding telling everyone what they were going to do with the gifts. Nice thank you notes for all the gifts, then they can sell them or do whatever they want with them.
But I think **even sven ** drove a really good point home:
“Well, because then there would be no public show of their piety, and no humiliation for you for being so crass as to think they’d want material goods.”
That’s the best possible reason for the signs I’ve seen so far. Imagine the talk amongst the guests as to how very moral and Christian this newly wedded couple is, giving up their wedding gifts and buying bibles to distribute in other countries. After all, what’s the use of personal sacrifice if no one knows about it in order to praise you for it in public? :rolleyes:
Sorry. The cynic made her appearance. Now get back down to the boiler room!
I think that every gift I give from now on will be non-returnable. I usually send herb and spice boxes anyway, but if I don’t, I will make sure that the box is damaged, the UPC is missing, the store is out of business or halfway across the country, etc. To me, it would be like opening a Christmas gift and saying “Wow, this is a sweater from Kohl’s, so I can return it for cash! Thanks!”
I think the cards were crass, and in direct contradiction of the Bible itself, as previously mentioned.
It’s also a slap at people who took the time and effort to pick out something nice that the newlyweds might need or enjoy. The gift givers took the time to go to a store, select an appropriate gift, wrap it, and bring or send it. Had they but known, they could have saved the time worrying about whether the blue or the yellow would be better, or whether Sally would most like the set of glasses or the blender.
