I already asked this question in the GQ forum. I thank the SDopers for their input, but somehow the answers were too polite. Can you guys re-answer this question and swear a lot? I think it’ll make me feel better.
“I rent a room in my office out to a guy for his own business. He’s going on a vacation to Atlantic City for a week this month. He says he’s low on money and since he’s not going to be in the office that week, I should only charge him 3 weeks rent. What do the teeming millions think I should do?”
I say the fucker’s wrong. I mean, fuck that. It’s not YOUR business where he is. If he thinks like that, the piece of shit should just not leave any of his shit in the room! You could rent the bitch out in shifts!
So I say the fucker can take a hike. Unless he’s a friend, then the miserable bastard can get what he wants, if you’re a pansy and want to go under for him.
I say, tell the bitch, “Bitch, sorry, but either you pay the rent or I bust a cap up in yo bitch ass.” Or something similar.
Tell him he can terminate his rental agreement when he leaves, and negotiate a new one when he returns. Of course, there would have to be a cleaning fee, a charge for keys, a substantial deposit, and a closing fee.
Tell him “no.” If he asks again, tell him “fuck no.”
Your renter is obviously a fucking retard of the first order. I love it; he’s on vacation so he shouldn’t pay rent? Here, let me call my landlord and let them know I’m taking some vacation and want a break on my rent… hmm, they’re laughing. If I’m out to dinner with my wife, should I get a break on the three hours we aren’t at home?
If he’s low on money, WHY THE FUCK IS HE GOING TO ATLANTIC CITY? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM? Holy Jesus! “Yeah, yeah, I’m low on dough, dude, like, I need a break. Off to Trump Plaza!”
And make him move his stuff out for that week. Perhaps you will get lucky, and he’ll go elsewhere, allwoing you to get a better renter that won’t try to stiff you like that.
I was a tourist in the Bay Area a while back. Will this help?
Let me get this right: Mr. Clueless rents from you in Sunnyvale, where office space is renting for two left nuts per square foot and up, and he wants you to be his buddy and give him a month off for free because he won’t be in the office keeping his mousepad and potted plants company??? Where does he want the bill sent after the moving company dumps his shit off the Oakland Bridge???
Yeah, that’s right. Dump his shit in the bay. DUMP HIS SHIT IN THE BAY!!! Make sure that his name is on everything and that it lands on a sea lion, so he gets busted for endangering wildlife as well as for littering.
You may quote me if you like, but no one ever does…
Gotta agreee. Tell him to vacate the space for the week. That’s right, no rent, no space. The loan it out to an AA meeting and make sure they know it’s OK to smoke in there. I’m not sure why, but dry alcoholics seem to smoke like trains. Then he can move all his stuff back in when he gets back, with a new contract and rent increase.
>Tell him “no.” If he asks again, tell him “fuck no.”
>And make him move his stuff out for that week.
>Then loan it out to an AA meeting and make sure they know it’s OK to smoke in there
>“Cool, like, I’ll just toss your shit on the curb, and rent the place out for a week, then.”
>DUMP HIS SHIT IN THE BAY!!!
>I say, tell the bitch, “Bitch, sorry, but either you pay the rent or I bust a cap up in yo bitch ass.” Or something similar.
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Yes! Chortle deeply at his suggestion and roughly tie him down to the chair. Beat him without mercy, ensuring that he retains enough consciousness to watch you urinate all over the room, drenching his office and notes, effectively marking your territory. Loudly blast “Stuck In The Middle With You” directly into his audial canals and blow away each one of his limbs, individually and then in concert, with a well-placed blast from a rusty .357. Snap his broken limbs apart and splash the resulting thick, crimson goo all about like a puppy with Christmas Day wrapping paper. Lick the sweet marrow from his fractured limbs and as you stroll merrily from his ravaged corpse… light the place on fire!
(Hm… There’s always someone who takes it one step too far. But still, punch the freeloading cocknobber in the gob if he brings up his awful attempt at a scam again.)
While most of the respondents have the right idea, you should NOT get emotional about it. You should ignore his request, and remind him that he rents from you on a monthly basis (unless it’s a lease, which is even better). If he decides to send you a partial payment, return it and start eviction proceedings IMMEDIATELY.
Renting property is a BUSINESS, which puts food on your table. You own this property, but presumably you also have obligations (debts/mortgages) that count on the cash flow from his rent checks. Do not tolerate anybody fucking with the orderly flow of food to said table.
If it were me, I’d say, “Do what you feel you need to do, but I’m holding you to your rental agreement.” Then kick his ass out if he doesn’t pay.
Tell the fuckhead that anyone who can afford to go to Atlantic City for the weekend can afford to tone down his vacation and give you your week’s rent. If he refuses, as others have said, tell him he can either move his stuff out or be evicted for the week, in which case you will repossess his furniture. hehehe.
Don’t toss it in the bay . . . at least make some cash off it.
On a similar note, how far in advance is he telling you this? Is he saying, “In Febuary” or “In August?”
That alone should tell you the respect he has for you. I was under the impression that one usually pays in advance. I was also under the impression you give more than two weeks’ notice when going on vacation.
Give him a break, my ass. According to his agreement, the tenant has possession of the property, whether he chooses to use/occupy it or not. Unless he’s willing to surrender the property, which means turning over keys and moving all his shit out, there’s no fucking way he should get a break. Owners of rental property are NOT a fucking charity - they have bills to pay and mouths to feed, and woe be to he that fucks with putting food on the table.
The thing to do is speak softly and politely, and explain the details of the rental agreement in a reasonable manner. As others have said, if he can afford Atlantic City (he’ll come back broke, and you’ll never get paid), he surely can afford to meet his obligations. Mention this and ask him please to give you the rent due. Then, when the sick prick laughs in your face, cut out his fucking liver and let him watch you eat it while he’s dying.