So I’ll try to keep this short.
Due to a difficult situation, my girlfriend and I had to move out immediately. Her friend offered to let us stay with her and her two kids, as long as needed and no mentioned charge for doing so.
We immediately started looking for places, have a few to check into while waiting on assistance to come through. My girlfriend has a disability and is a full time student (and still trying to work part time) while I’m also still paying other bills such as car, phones, insurance and such while trying to save up for deposits and fees for the new place as well as things we have to get done to the car and dental work etc coming up.
We’ve been here for about a week. We are overnights, so on opposite schedules with her, we buy our own food (don’t eat hers), clean up after ourselves and the house, use the laundromat, our own soap and shower supplies etc, we pretty only watch YouTube when watching anything here and this room wasn’t used at all so it’s a dead space and we stay out of the way.
Well she recently sprang on us that she also now wants $400 a month (which we’re trying to be out asap) but she doesn’t pay her own rent or groceries but tried to throw things like watching Netflix into the charge? Is this fair?
I mean, I have no problem paying for what we use (utilities) or what is right but I feel like offering to pay for everything (which we refused) and waiting until we’re here then flipping it and asking that much isn’t appropriate?
Correct me if I’m in the wrong, please.
You are correct in that any remuneration should have been discussed in advance and not sprung on you, however, if you are staying there for more than a few days it would be expected that you would have to pay something. So the question is how long will you be staying there and what’s a fair price? If you had gone to a hotel instead that would have been pretty expensive. Did you have any other options at the time?
Unfortunately, it sounds like moving out isn’t in the cards so you aren’t in a good place to negotiate. I would explain that you really appreciate having a place to stay, but nobody mentioned paying, and you’re trying to save up enough to get your own place. I would share all the financial information so she realizes you don’t really have the money to pay her right now and see if she can wait until you are out and can afford to give her something. How much is up to you since there is no contract, written or verbal,
What does this mean - someone else is paying for all her expenses? Would that person receive any or all of the $400 she wants you to pay, or would she keep it?
$400 a month for two people seems pretty reasonable to me, but that might depend on local rates.
And remember, even just being there is going to drive up the utilities costs, at least electricity and water. You’re taking showers and washing dishes, at least, I hope.
I think when the friend offered you a place to stay “as long as needed” she was thinking you would magically find an apartment in two days and ready to move into it by now.
I’m with dolphinboy that you should lay your financial cards on the table, work out at least a nominal payment now with paying the rest over time, and throwing in doing some chares around the place as a show of good faith.
I don’t know where you are, but where I am, $400 a month will get you a fairly spacious self-storage rental, but nothing habitable.
It sounds like you may not be able to move out immediately and need to save up some money. Honestly, how long do you think it will take for you to be in a financial position to get an apartment?
I without knowing any more facts in the case, I can easily see that the friend anticipated you only needed to stay a week or two, then heard more about your financial situation and is afraid that you could become long term.
It’s much better to have a frank discussion now rather than later. Figure out things more realistically.
Hopefully to be out by the 1st of February, and I’m not really sure about what’s fair. I mean what we use and a bit for the stay of course, we’ve never been in this situation so kind of why I’m on a forum now to get some opinions.
No other options at this time and it is definitely not ideal. I mean, the kids wake us up all of the time when we have to sleep for work and she has even eaten the food we’ve bought including my girlfriend’s gluten-free nuggets (she has celiac) but she’s bragged before about have literal thousands in food stamps, even showed us the amount in her account.
But hoping it’s just very short-term, it is better than nothing at the moment. She knew our situation financially and about finding an apartment which was why we were kind of taken off guard when she out of no where brought this up.
Of course, I want to pay for what we use and a bit extra for the inconvenience. We even use disposable silverware and dishes to minimize impact with our stay.
That’s the thing, she knew what was going on upon offering a place to stay. Said she wanted to help.
Our stuff is currently being stored somewhere else, just necessities with us here.
She knew it would be more than a couple of weeks but not many months upfront and I have just enough money (hopefully) saved up for the move. My girlfriend is native so we’re only waiting on the application for monthly tribal rent assistance, in the meantime were trying to find a place to apply for when that comes through and get out asap.
The $400 sounds reasonable to me. Don’t worry about what she’s spending it on. She went from living alone to having 2 extra people living in the house. To mitigate any ill feelings about the change to her living arrangement, the money seems appropriate. Even if she’s using it for spending sprees and spa days, that’s okay. You’re living in her house. She probably offered the housing out of the goodness of her heart without realizing what it would mean in reality. Getting the extra money will help to alleviate any hard feelings she has from dealing with the inconveniences of having extra roommates. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of financial issues, but those are your issues. She is not responsible for them. She has a good heart to help you out, but that doesn’t mean she needs to make sacrifices for your benefit. Many people would not have made that offer in the first place.
If she was a relative, I might feel differently. With family, there is more of a duty to take care of each other. There wouldn’t necessarily be the expectation of payment. If you needed a place to stay, you could stay with your relative. If your relative needed a place to stay, they would stay with you. But the same thing isn’t true with a random friend.
Unfortunately, you’re stuck with no leverage. Cut the best deal you can and get out. Offer her a few hundred dollars for putting you up, not making a commitment to pay the entire $400 or whatever she thinks you owe her. If she doesn’t accept it, and kicks you out, you’ll have to find another transitional situation until you can get into your own apartment. You need to move on with your life.
I think saying “from here on” is reasonable. Maybe she didn’t realize how uncomfortable she’d find living with others to be. If they can’t pay, they are juat back to where they were when they moved in, as if shed said no at the start.
Honestly, your friend may be shooting herself in the foot here. Standards vary by state, but by charging rent and allowing you to stay for more than a few days, she’s likely making you tenants. And as such you’ll be entitled to whatever tenant’s protections exist in your state – e.g. typically a 30- or 60-day notice to vacate before you can be evicted from the property.
You aren’t really in any worse situation that you were a week ago, are you? Do you have the $400/month?
I assume you are aware that you have few cheaper alternatives. Don’t know how good of a “friend” this is/was, but being protracted houseguests can strain even the best of friendships.
Both of you should’ve been more up front in the beginning. But now that she has asked for rent, your options seem to me to be:
-pay it
-negotiate a lower rate
-don’t pay it and force her to evict you
-move out.
Without knowing any of you, I can imagine the friend didn’t realize beforehand what it would be like having you live there and now realizes the inconvenience should be worth something. Or maybe she wants you to decide to leave. Or she wants to profit from you. Whatever her motives and needs, your options remain the same.
I think there’s a bridge here, the value of which you’d have to figure out.
If it’s a bridge worth nothing, burn it and have a frank discussion about how she blindsided you with the $400 thing, and you don’t think you owe her the money.
If it’s a bridge worth something, then negotiate for what you all agree is a reasonable amount.
If it’s a bridge worth a fair amount, then write the check, do the very best you can to get out quickly and recover financially, but never forget that this happened (forgive, don’t forget ).
My $0.02. YMMV. Closed course, professional driver, etc., etc.
Sounds like you’re in tough times. May 2023 bring you MUCH better circumstances that last the rest of your life.
I’m not suggesting that the OP obtain leverage with this, but you do raise a good point that potentially has a couple more implications: first, it seems likely she’d owe taxes on the rent money. Second, if she suddenly has $400/month in income, perhaps her benefits would be affected.