How much should I pay my friend for letting me stay with her?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Briefly, I am in between apartments this month, so my friend has lent me the use of her couch for the interim. By the time I’m all moved into my new place next week, I will have stayed with her for a total of 3 weeks.

She asked me at the outset to give her some money to help offset the cost of groceries/water/electric I have used during my stay with her, but nobody mentioned a price so I turn to you for your opinions. I don’t want to lowball her but money’s also tight right now, so I don’t want to offer too large a sum.

Basically, I have tried to minimize my intrusion into her life. I don’t eat her food very often, actually I think it’s been a maybe 6-8 sandwiches, a couple of bowls of chili, a decent amount of tea, and some snacks here and there. I have done 3 loads of laundry, which also included some of her kids’ clothes to save water and electric. I’ve charged my phone twice and watch a couple of hours of tv per day as I’m falling asleep, though I always set the sleep timer so it’s not on all night.

In addition, I’ve tried to help with some household chores and taking care of the kids. So I’ve done some dishes, vacuumed and mopped, changed a lot of diapers and gotten the kids snacks and put the youngest down for her nap, etc. I also put my pillows and blankets away every morning and don’t leave a mess in the bathroom. That said, I don’t think I’ve been as helpful as I could or should be. I’m going through a rough patch in my life, with some personal problems on top of working and going to school full time, and I’ve been pretty depressed which for me = lazy. For example, the floors really needed to be mopped for several days before I actually did it. See, my friend is 8 months pregnant with twins and needs some help around the house and with her kids, and like I said, I definitely should have been more helpful.

So… how much should I offer? I was thinking maybe $150, because I’ve probably only eaten $20 or $30 worth of her food, used maybe $30 worth of water, and I’m not really sure how much electric. Is that a decent price, or is it to low or too high?

2

I think $150 is adequate, even generous. You’ve been a good guest. She’ll probably miss having you around. :slight_smile:

3

$150 sounds good. If there’s any doubt, ask her, and if she suggests an amount more than $150 but less than you were paying in your old apartment, pay it with a smile. If she suggests more than your previous rent, you have a wacky friend; negotiate. If she suggests less than $150, pay it and then take her out for a nice meal.

4

I’m shocked she even asked for money. Personally I’d never ask it of a friend who I’m trying to help out. I’ve done it on more than one occasion and never expected anything but a thank you. But from what you’ve listed, I think $150 is too much but then again, that’s me.

5

Left Hand of Dorkness makes a point – $150 is probably less than you would have paid in your own apartment for rent and utilities.

It’s quite possible that your friend hated to ask but she needs the money. The OP didn’t mention a husband or SO or whether she was working outside the home.

I don’t know if I’d ask for money in a situation like that or not. One of my husband’s grown sons lived with us for almost two years and never paid a cent, even for the extra TV setup we got for his room. I was glad to help him but I felt taken advantage of.

Did she invite you or did you ask?

6

I wouldn’t be so quick to say that. If money is tight for the host then of course the guest should chip in for food extra use etc,(merely providing crash space is already quite the favor), though it’s hard to know how much to weight help with chores and such. 3 weeks is a long time, it’s not like a weekend or something.

7

how about if you don’t pay her any cash at all?. Buy something nice for the house and your friends. (New twins next month—maybe a larger diaper-changing table, a stroller, or a couple truckfulls of diapers ? )
Something she will use- and thank you for-, a long time after you’ve moved out.

8

She offered to let me stay there. She also has a husband, although they’ve been having some problems so for the first week and a half he had been staying at another friend’s house.

She had let another friend stay with her for a much longer time about a year and a half ago, but he was a completely useless lump who basically slept on the couch all day. She used to call me to babysit even though he was at home, because if she left him with the kids the youngest was liable to sit in a poopy diaper for hours and the older one would probably destroy something. She eventually asked him to pay some back rent which came to about $300 a month for everything.

9

I think $300 would be asking too much for your stay, since you helped out with the kids and the chores. It’s too bad you didn’t agree on a figure right off the bat, but you couldn’t. You didn’t know how much you’d eat or how many showers you’d take. I think $150 for what you’ve described is plenty. You can only hope she’s okay with it.

If she’s not, I’d love to see this on Judge Judy. I think you’d win. :slight_smile:

10

I would ask her to give you a number. It sounds like she is burned from the last guy, having her name the price will make her feel like she is in control and not being taken advantage of.

$150 would be a lot for just utilities and use of the sofa. But groceries can add up, even if it’s the occasional sandwich or bowl of ice cream. So she insists that you come up with a number then I’d say $100-$150 would put you in the clear. If she expected more then she should have mentioned that upfront.

11

If $300 per month was a reasonable amount (damn that’s cheap) for the other guy to pay, then you should pay at least that amount. You don’t get paid for cleaning up a bit around that house. That is common courtesy.

If you want to prorate the $300 for only 3 weeks go ahead, but your friend is the one who is helping you out, not the other way around, so you ought to be pretty sure you pay her back in spades. IMO.

12

$50 a week for food plus any spare change. So $150 and dinner.

13

I’d pay her three quarters of what you would have paid for your own apartment. This isn’t about her asking or not asking; adults pay their own way in this world. Don’t be one of those people who don’t get this.

14

If I were putting a friend up for three weeks I wouldn’t ask for any monetary compensation. You helped out around the house and minmized your food intake so you sound like a very good guest. However, since the money thing was pre requested, I’d agree with the $150.00.

15

Good figuring. But I’d figure 3/4s of half her rent.

16

Put me in the camp of I-can’t-believe-she’s-asking. My feelings would be mitigated if your friend premised the whole situation with “Money is really tight right now, and I feel bad for asking----.” In fervour’s world of etiquette you don’t charge friends for helping them. That said, friends receiving favors from other friends offer something to show appreciation.

$150 seems a generous offer to offset any inconvenience that your hostess might have incurred. I can’t see viewing this as a business transaction. If you had been negotiating a place to stay in a business sense you would have at least gotten a bed out of the deal. Staying on someone’s couch is not the same as them offering a bedroom–which is why $150 seems high. I understand offering $150 but if she takes it all I probably would think less of her. Her total expense for your stay couldn’t be more than $75.

Whatever amount, you could say, “When your bills come in, let me know if I didn’t give you enough to cover the increase.”

17

I wouldn’t go quite this far, because presumably your own apartment is your own apartment and not a couch and use of shared facilities. A lot less of it is yours. I’d say $150 sounds good.

18

It sounds like you’re a good friend and an ideal guest. That makes a big difference than someone who is just an acquaintance. Expecting the going rate for full rent, or even prorated would be a huge rip off to you, since, as zweisamkeit pointed out, if you rented a place you get a room, not just a couch. Also, like I mentioned, you are her friend, and your stay is only 3 weeks, so it doesn’t sound like you’re putting her out or inconveniencing her much at all. Offering the $150 that many have mentioned seems like a nice gesture. If money is really tight, and every dollar counts right now, then telling her that for her hospitality you’re giving her $100 plus the cost of the food you ate (rounding up to the nearest 5- or else it’d seem pretty petty listing a number like $112.58) I think would be fine too.

19

I disagree. If it were me, I’d probably wind up asking for less than I thought would be fair in order to not seem greedy.

I suggest saying to your friend with a smile, “Hey, I was thinking about giving you $150 to pay for the groceries I’m eating and for you letting me crash on your couch for these 3 weeks. Is that enough? If not, let me know soon so I can work out my budget before I go.”

20

Yeah, that makes sense. I think a lot of you are doing a lot of complicated math to come up with a fair number, and I don’t think it needs to be that hard. I like this formula just fine - ideally, RedRoses shouldn’t be looking for a way to cheap out on her friend - her friend has done her a very nice favour, and paying her a respectable amount to show appreciation for it should come willingly. But I also agree with those who said this should have been nailed down before she moved in - things like this can end friendships and end up in court.