I don’t think there is a consensus at all to what everyone is saying. As for rebound romances? I think that they are highly difficult, but what you’re obviously hoping is that she’s already out in her mind. That’s probably true to some extent if what you hope is true, but then despite how emotionally unattached she appears now, she’ll be upset by it.
Also, Guinastasia, remember that he said that he was picking up signals from her too. Its not like its totally his choice, now is it? Think about the situation? Girl with gf, going over to boy’s house. That right there is one signal.
Also, you guys need to be more open to the idea that he might actually know what he’s talking about. We’ve all had similar situations, but human experience isn’t always the same.
I say this: You know the stakes, if they are worth it then go for it. Just don’t be an asshole. There’s no need for that at all. But also don’t be scared. You know that she likes you, so let that give you the confidence you need. Take the chance if you want, and tell us how it worked out.
I mean seriously people, there’s no way we can have any idea what the girl is like. He may have a biased representation based on what he wants or it may be the truth. Might as well take him for his word.
Whoa, Guin, I was just asking about what exactly qualifies as a rebound. Maybe my opinion differs from yours (I’m still not sure). I wasn’t trying to complain.
Keep in mind that this wasn’t intended as a “what should I do” thread, but nevertheless some of the advice has given me some food for thought. And thanks for the thoughtful response, Merkwurdigliebe.
Have you considered that you might actually be making things harder for your girl who is a friend, Mr. Krebbs? She might feel like she’s sneaking around with you on her official boyfriend, and is having guilt and mixed feelings over it.
There are a lot of good reasons why most people end one relationship before starting another, and you and your lady friend are probably going to find out about some of them.
Evolutionary biology has a plausible – I don’t know if it’s correct, nor even if I can recall to any satisfaction the basic argument – explanation for why women might prefer an “asshole” (of a certain kind). If you google “cads and dads” mating strategy, I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff on the topic more lucid than what I can recall inchoately.
I think the idea is that a woman would want to mate with a cad (high-testosterone, assertive, alpha-male, risk-taker, promiscuous, handsome) in order to increase her chances of producing a “sexy son,” who would presumably mate with and possibly impregnate many females over the course of his young, not necessarily long, life. Selfish gene, what. Presumably the female is also attracted to men who is more likely to (a) stay alive long enough to protect her children and herself and (b) provide the materials required to raise children, etc.
Or something like that. Nothing in nature precludes that one woman may not desire these two types of men within the course of, say, a menstrual period. A man may, short of concerted effort to change his personality, have to simply decide if he is a Bob Saget or a Mickey Rourke. Nothing wrong with being yourself.
Sorry – I obviously meant evolutionary psychology, and for “menstrual period,” substitute “menstrual cycle.” The several other grammatical errors and errors in usage shouldn’t affect the sense of my summary.
I have considered this, yes. I know that she does have mixed feelings* about the whole thing, but she swears she doesn’t feel guilty about anything we’ve done together. I’ve made it clear to her that I will not be offended if she decides to forget about me and pretend that nothing has ever happened between us. IMHO, this is the best that I can do.
Keep in mind that do to her home situation, I never initiate contact with her, but she instead calls me. I don’t think it would improve her situation very much if I stopped taking her calls.
*Mostly, she’s worried about leaving her boyfriend without giving him a chance to imrpove his behavior.
Everyone here makes it out like he’s some kind of predator. Jesus, give the girl some responsibility for her own actions. Its not like he’s coercing her or something. Also, clothahump, its kind of annoying that you quoted the first thing he said. Whether you did or not, it appears if you haven’t read any of his subsequent posts.
I mean apparently there is a long and complicated backstory here guys. Mr. Krebs decided that he wanted something out of it, and that’s why he asked for advice. Its so annoying to me when people fly of the hook like this without considering the situation further that maybe my experiences (read prejudices) might not fit in this situation. Not everyone is happy in their relationship. I know I’ve been in a place like that before, and looking back I wish I would have cheated on her, only to have a reason to break it off earlier. I was simply too nice, and that ended up being a waste of time and effort on my part. I would have been happy to have a girl come and steal me away. Sometimes we make mistakes in choosing our relationships and a lot of times we’d rather live with it than avoid the pain.
So basically, I don’t think that people in relationships are ALWAYS off limits, and I also disagree with the way people assume its a one-sided thing. She calls HIM.
I’m beginning to consider posting a detailed explanation of this situation as there seems to be some mild interest in it. That way I can get some meaningful advice (again, not the original intent of this thread) or, at the very least, some well-informed flames.
So, is anyone interested in hearing the whole tale? If so, would it be better to create another thread or merely put the story in this one?