Kimstu? C’mere a minute. ::gives Kimstu a hug and a big smacker on the cheek:: That was GREAT! Can I please bookmark it to append to all of my stupid Jenny stories? If so, I’ll actually send some of the stupid things on!
Kimstu, that’s great!
Kimstu, I agree with Jess. Excellent work! Do I have your permission to append your addition and use it as a reply the next time I receive an e-mail containing Jess’ sad story?
I sense a nomination for threadspotting!
Why bless all your hearts, yes, use it however you want! What I’d love to see is if it got inserted right into the Jenny poem and passed around by sincere glurge spammers who didn’t bother to read the whole thing carefully. Glurge sa-bo-tage! Glurge sa-bo-tage! Rule!! 
Man, and I thought Homer’s pick of a stretched open anus was bad.
I need to go check my blood sugar now, I might need a booster shot of insulin.
You know, I found the entire SERIES that one is from, if you want me to mail them to you. 
–Tim
Kimstu, you rule.
Oy vey ist mir. :wally: You know, it’s a good thing that those dingoids that resend these sorts of tripe can’t be traced by Bill Gates or the Gap or Disney or me (send this to 10 friends and you’ll get a gift certificate for a free pass to HELL) because we’d all get our guns, go to their houses and put them out of our misery!!! 
Kimstu rules the free world. Snopes is God. I am but a tool. The truth will set you free, but the microcephalic cretins will keep mailing bullshit no matter what you tell 'em.
:eek:
Did anyone actually go to the link reprise posted? I remember seeing that in Chicken Soup For The Soul. But take a look at the end message:
Bwahahahahahahahahah!!! The president! I actually laughed out loud at that one. I’m sure the president could be working out a new health plan, or solving economic crisis and negotiating with Iraq, but…hmmm, no, his time is better spent reading a sappy story about someone dying because they drank. But after all, it’s not like the president’s job is to change things in America (oh, right, that sappy story is going to change everything.) The only catch is, he won’t take it seriously if it has less than 5,000 signatures on it (I mean, come on, wouldn’t you want 5,000 signatures if you were president?)
Bwahahahahahahahah sniff. And that “You’re selfishness knows no bounds” part really kills me.
I don’t believe you! If this is a real chain e-mail how come my stupid niece or her mom hasn’t forwarded it to me yet? Huh?
If she had just stayed and made out with Jeff, her Mom and Dad would still be alive. Makes you think.
A bit off topic, but as long as we’re admiring prose masterful enough to be fired back at people who forward chain letters (at least people you don’t know very well); I submit this axual email message–which also had been forwarded several times, but at least it was worth it:
No no no no no!
Don’t you get it? Jenny meets Mom and Dad in the Afterlife, and they give her a beating for killing them!
See, it’s all kiwi?
This “Jenny” letter reminds me of the one that either Dear Abby or her twin sis Anne Landers used to reprint every year. It was called, “Please God, I’m only 17.” The gist of it was some kid drove wrecklessly and ended up dead, and the letter is his thoughts as he lays dying in the hospital and then in his coffin, watching friends and family go by.
This was the basis of a “mental hygene” films I saw in high school, only that time it was about drinking and driving. Luckily, neither version attempted to rhyme and were not nearly as sappy as the “Jenny” letter. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Does that thing still get reprinted?
Shoot, how about a “don’t drive and talk on your f**king cell phone” version?
Patty
Dear Kind Stranger:
I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t.
She is crying. Don’t cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it’s notmy fault. I asked her if it was God’s fault, but she didn’t answer, and only started crying harder, so I don’t ask her that anymore.
The reason she is so sad is that I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I go to sleep.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.
Mommy doesn’t work because she said employers don’t hire crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy,” and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she’s allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr.Johansen said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from
schoolchildren all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better.
Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them.
The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels.
Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don’t want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don’t forward this e-mail, that’s OK. Mommy says you’re a mean heartless jerk who doesn’t care about a poor little boy with
only a head. She says that if you don’t stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long, slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell. What kind of person are you that you can’t take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless 9-year-old boy?
Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it’s hard.
I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.
Thank You.
Billy ‘Smiles’ Evans,
The boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.
AxeElf:
That was the funniest bit of sarcasm I’ve read in ages! I hope you don’t mind, but I sent it to a few “friends” whom I’ve been trying to get to stop sending me sappy chain letters. If that doesn’t convince them, nothing will. Were these AxeElf originals, or did you get them somewhere?
I swear, if I’d’ve been drinking milk whilst reading this, it would’ve come out my nose.
KP235 just made me choke on tea.
katie
“Only drunks notice the laws of nature.”
Maybe it’s this poem?
I went to a party, Mom, I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom, so I drank soda instead
I really felt proud inside, Mom, the way you said I would.
I didn’t drink and drive, Mom, even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom, I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom, as everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom, I knew I’d get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me, so responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, Mom, but as I pulled out into the road,
the other car didn’t see me, Mom, and hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom, I hear the policeman say,
the other guy is drunk, Mom, and now I’m the one who will pay.
I’m lying here dying, Mom… I wish you’d get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom, and most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom, I’ll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom, I swear I didn’t drink.
It was the others, Mom. The others didn’t think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank and I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom? It can ruin your whole life.
I’m feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom, and I don’t think it’s fair.
I’m lying here dying and all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom. Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom, put “Daddy’s Girl” on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom, not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom, I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom. I’m becoming very scared.
Please don’t cry for me, Mom. When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom, before I say good bye.
I didn’t drink and drive, so why am I the one to die?