I dont ask for famous ppl quotes here, but quotes of friends or enemies of yours. Ppl you actually know.
I ll start:
Albita from Spain who I met in Amsterdam:
I am not stoned… I am just tired.
Dani - schoolfriend - walking home with me:
It stinks like nature.
My sis Radna from the Netherland Antilles with who I spent the summer of 2000 (Amsterdam again)
Let’s do some maaaaaaaaaaad peein’!
Radnas comment about my first time:
You go girl! You scored!
Friend Ro always said “I’m busier than a one armed paper hanger with crabs!”
my ex (one of many) “I’d be a really good hockey player if I only knew how to iceskate”. :rolleyes:
Oooh, I love friend quotes! Here are a few of my favorites.
Priya, on impressing a guy with her athletic ability:
“Does it matter how I throw a frisbee? No, all that matters is how cute I look, and I look damn cute.”
The innocent Raessa and the less than pure Austin after watching The Elephant Man:
Austin: “So, if the Elephant Man had a really good personality, would you bear his children?”
Raessa: “But… but, he can’t lie down!”
Jennifer quizzing me on why I took a semester off from school:
Jenn: “Are you ever going back to college?”
Me: “No, didn’t I tell you? I’ve dropped out to pursue my true passion, crack whoring.”
From the love (infatuation) of my early teen years:
“Yeah, it’s like in Aladdin with the old gypsy guy who tells the story and it never jumps back so you don’t know if it’s
a flashback or what. It’s irritating.”
And, lastly, a quote from my amazing logic teacher at CTY, James:
“I love you all, but you can’t be trusted.”
Background: I am from the Netherlands. In the Netherlands, there is no such thing as a desert. Thusly, desert objects such as cactuses (cacti?) and such are alien to the Dutch.
Clog Boy and friend Louis, whilst speeding through South African desert land, upon spotting a stray tumbleweed bush, effectively the first one they ever saw:
[simultaneously and/or blurred] "TUMBLEWEED!!! OH, MAN!! HOW COOL! WE SAW TUMBLEWEED!! WOOHOOO!!! YAY!"
Well, it was funny to US, at the time, anyway 
(BTW: we really said ‘tumbleweed’. There isn’t a Dutch word for it, cause we ain’t got none!)
“It’s a definite plus if you don’t cause any massive over- or underpressure in this room.”
–Me to a classmate while listening to a lecture on safety in chemistry lab
“Do you think this is a natural lake?”
–My mom, looking down at the 200-foot tall Lake Greeson Narrows Dam in Arkansas
“Tabasco sauce makes everything taste better: monkey, snake…”
–My dad, ex-Green Beret
“New York’s winning! Oh, wait…”
Me, watching game 1 of the Mets vs. Yankees World Series
I thought of some more quotes:
I d like to have a leather toilet seat
English people sound like they got potatoes in their mouths
My sister
I am not a dealer - I just sell drugs.
anonymous
We live in a plastic world.
My geography teacher
Turn off the lights off for fuck s sake!
The sunlight is reflected by the wall of the house on the other side of the road - we dont need no lamps in here.
My geography teacher (who should apparently be on meds)
My brother got very, very drunk one night, and was …molested by a younger girl.
Then, one night not long after, the subject of rape came up. His response: “I’ve been raped before. I don’t see the big deal.”
My best friend Cath went through some of our AIM and ICQ logs and culled out some quotes from me. Here are a few:
And one from my brother last Christmas. You’d think that this one might make more sense given context. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any context.
“At least now you can’t save the hippo!”
That’s what she said. 
My son at 3, talking to his echo:
“Hey! Who is copying me? God? Is that you?”
xizor, I think that’s the cutest story I’ve seen in a long time.
Mine’s not as cute (my friend said it when he was 26), but still.
Daniel: “Being the Pope ain’t all candy and tra la la, you know.”
ROTFL!!!
Poor thing… I know quite some “molested” blokes too…
LOL cute!
Said y many friends any time a horrendous smell or taste is found.
“That would gag a maggot.”
Some of our best quotes occurred during RPG nights, so they may fall into the had-to-be-there category …
"I jettison the leg and swim for shore!"
"Well, that’s why god gave you TWO eyes."
And one that made it into my email sig for a couple months:
"I’ll just have to resort to my original plan: Plan B."
(said in a non-gaming context, but it occurred at a game night so it counts.)
My three year old neice
My mom owns a beauty shop and one day she was in there playing with a mannaquin’s hair,
Customer: Do you want to be a hairdresser when you grow up
Alana: No
Customer:Then what do you want to be?
Alana: I dont want to be anything
Customer: Everyone has to be something
Alana: I think, I just want to be a customer!
Have to admit she has the right Idea!!!
-Mandi :o
I was really depressed until I reallized I was an idiot.
-Me
She stole my Walrus and she was chewing on it.
-Tasha
I’m too sexy for religion.
-My english teacher
I’m a chinky monkey.
-A chinese friend.
I like Chinese…
OK, I was just going through all my old IM conversations and here are some good ones that I came up with.
I still think that ::insert name of jackass I was dating at the time:: has the potential. You just need to work with him. Work with him like a metal, though. Bend him into shape, beat him if necessary.
-Natan
Me:He told me ::some idiotic thing said jackass told me::
Natan:What???
Me:I don’t care to repeat. Scroll up if you must.
Natan:That was a “What the fuck reason could that fucking dickless shithead have to say such a thing, may he die a long, excruciatingly painful death.”
How can you love someone who tells you to suck his dick?
-Rivkah
(I love how my friends stick up for me)
Trust me. You wouldn’t like me when I’m horny.
-The jackass
Me:I would like to thank all the little people that helped me get where I am today.
Jackass:Little? :::Gives quick glance “downward”::: You can’t possibly mean me.
Even the most evil, vile person is still live. (Notice that all the words have the same letters.)
-Natan
Me:Blah blah What if I’m nothing without him? Blah blah
Arnon:If you’re nothing you wouldn’t have existed before this. You definitely existed before this, though, because you’re in a bunch of old photographs.
How are you? How’s life? And where is the frog? Oh, never mind the frog, he has been eaten by French people.
-Arnon
Yee-Hoink! I’m happy-ish.
-Arnon
Me:No one’s as nutty as you are, but when you’re tired you really take the cake.
Arnon:I have never taken cake. It was always offered to me… no… I lie… there was that one time a few days after my sister’s birthday.
Too many alts before a space and we’re all goners.
-Arnon
Chemistry is only important if you’re good at it. If not, give up while you’re still breathing through gills.
-Arnon
We all have gills. We just forget about them sometimes. How do ya think people invented bubble gum? Actually they invented it with old airplanes. They had to plug up the bullet holes with something, so they invented bubble gum. It’s only logical.
-Arnon
Seven eighthththths. That’s a funny Number. It’s not quite one and it’s not quite seven sevenths. Seven sevenths is one. And seven eighths is another one. But neither are twelveteen.
-Arnon
Wouldn’te ite bee weirde ife everye worde endede ine Ee?e
-Arnon
This quote is from my platonic friend from college, Tammy. We had lunch one day soon before her wedding date. She was going through all the last minute details, and I had just started dating a wonderful woman named Christine. I was going on and on telling Tammy about Christine when Tammy said, “People who are getting married don’t want to hear from people who are only in love.”
Then there was my accounting professor, Jose Gonzalez, back at dear old Kent State. Prof. Gonzalez said during class, “Back in Puerto Rico my name is ‘Joe Smith’” and, “In accounting, you must always remember these three things: (1) Debits on the left, credits on the right; (2) ‘Beginning inventory’ plus ‘purchases’ minus ‘ending inventory’ equals ‘cost of goods sold’; and (3) a pop foul down the third base line is the shortstop’s play.”
Tasha has suggested that I add her lovely quote "But they don’t have winky’s.
“If it does, you’ll claim you ate a green carpet last night, and all the toasters jumped out.” -Omnithetical Bob [otherwise known as Jessica’s friend, Natan… This was from an AIM convo.]
This happened today at Subway. [Jess is putting a toy in her mouth that was just on the counter.]
ME: Eeeeew, Jess, you know where the counter’s been?
JESS: Right here, silly.
ME: No, I meant, do you know what’s been on that counter?
JESS: Your tits?
ME: Not on that spot.
“My elephant’s shy… Her name is Tuskers, not Dumbo!” -Lauren
“Benny, how do you make the elephant noise?”- Me