and one of my favorites…
“I WANT WORMS!!!”-Kalen, after seeing me with a bag of gummi worms in my hand.
Y’all are going to have some fucked-up yearbook quotes . . .
I have quite a collection here. A new one:
It could be a chimney, but come on, we’re in Hell!
–M. Payne, my French teacher
Jennifer, our foreign exchange student, when an American friend was speaking to her in slow, loud English:
“I’m German, not retarded.”
CTY classmate Anna describing different musical genres:
“Alternative is like, kill yourself. Rap is like, kill others.”
CTY instructor James on debating manners:
“Don’t yell. This is philosophy. We don’t yell in philosophy… Yeah, we do, but don’t. It’s not nice.”
Allison’s version of telling people to shut up:
“Stifle yourself. Oyster it. Put the cat back in the bag.”
NV teacher/surrogate mom Leslie quizzing Austin on his rotation through outpatient surgical services:
Leslie: “What did you learn in surgery?”
Austin: “Not to touch the blue stuff.”
Me defending my position as a bassoon player in band:
“Yeah, well, I’m first chair, too. Granted, there’s only two of us, but still.”
Jenn talking to her father after I had bribed with ice cream to help me clean my room:
Jenn: “I’ll do anything for food or money.”
Jenn’s Dad: “You know, some cultures have a word for that.”
(waking up) “Hey, quit groping me!”
::mubles incoherrently::
“Hey, wake up! You were groping me in your sleep.”
(now awake) “You’re lucky I didn’t mount ya!”
Said by my best friend the morning after a girl’s sleepover.
First of all TheNerd, your friend Steve would fit in marvelously here with my friends.
We have pages and pages of quotes, but here are a few, for starters:
“Well, my god’s not that grumpy.” – Whitney
What I really want are dead bodies. – Jason, explaining what makes a good romance movie.
No one took wenches’ bosoms from me! – Jill (refering to a scattegories answer (things that bounce), but still!)
List 8 looks good, it starts with “things that are sticky.” – Eric
We’ve already used C. – Whit
She’s a big girl, too. She has bonus livers. They’re not boobs, they’re livers. – Whit, about a friend who can out drink anyone we know
I am a dreidel, watch me dance! – George, as he pranced around like well, I s’pose it was a dreidel, in the middle of the cafeteria
The king of Israel is going to come back and hurt me. – Steve
Why? – Jill
Because I’m making fun of his genitals. – Steve
It’s okay. He’d understand. If he were here, he’d make fun of your genitals too. – Jill
(if it helps at all, Jill has a little copy of the David statue.)
Maybe I was from South Dakota and nobody told me. – George
If I were directing a play, I’d make you Nero or a claymation character. You look like a frustrated emperor. Or a claymation character. – Jill, to George
Well, security came into our room on “routine safety inspection” and found a beer bong, an alligator, and a crossbow. – Aaron
Do you mean an alligator? Or is an alligator one of those things which I’m not privy to? – George
Maybe you SHOULD wear the dress. If you wore the dress, I’d be your pimp. You’d make the best transsexual whore. – Jill, to Steve, about Heather’s dress
He can be my lesbian. – Whitney, in reference to Steve and his thigh highs, after the magic 8-ball pronounced 3/4 of the room lesbians . . .
Are you pillaging and conquering George?? I don’t think so! – Whit, to Steve
She’s got . . . what is it? Necrophilia. – Whit’s mom, about Whit, meaning narcolepsy
No!!! That’s copulation with a corpse! – Whit
Don’t make me come over there and castrate you with a fork! – Suz, to Denver
That’s NOT your G-spot. – Steve
We’ve already got 8 pages this semseter, and there are many other lists too . . . but I’ll let you move on now.
Note: my bookstore tends to be quite warm.
Me, last night: Damn, why is it always so hot in here?
Co-worker, in eerie voice: Because we’re in hell. Bwahahahahah!
OK, I now officially pronounce you and your friends cool, Erika. You would fit in so perfectly with my friends at school. And at USY too. I wonder why this thread is starting to die? I’m sure more people have friends that say strange things.
A friend of mine and I were talking about a party we went to on Saturday night and he kept bugging me about looking frightened when I saw pigeons in the dark of an abandoned room while in the company of 2 girls.
Him: “Well you would’ve looked good if you weren’t afraid of pigeons.”
Me: “Dammit, they could’ve been bats! Besides, I’ve got a reputation to maintain… that of a kinky clown-lovin sadist!”
This was said today during it:
"And I’ll be the minister of whores." -the ever annoyingly vulgar yet funny Blinder
Reginald G. Samples - “The more I teaches you, the dumber you gets.”
In response to one of those survey things
Innie or Outie?
Marquis- I prefer the outdoors…
The poor boy gets confused often.
I had to write down the two CDs I was going to let my friend borrow so I would remember to bring them. On my paper I inadvertantly wrote:
Orgy
3 Doors Down.
That’s just wrong…
It’s perfectly reasonable to eat a Chips Ahoy in 10 bites, what are you making fun of me?!! You probably think it’s cute, damnit!!
Yes, I do own a cat.
It’s not fair. I want in on the odd quoting monty python and douglas adams referencing class. But noo…we only get the teacher singing I’m too sexy for religion. Tasha, do I want to know what context Jason said that in?
Erika, I am my friend Steve. I mean, I am Steve. Those were quotes that my friend Cath had collected from our various conversations. Now that I know she’s doing it, I’m going to have to try to catch a few of hers too.
My roommate in college had a reputation for saying the most awful things, without knowing it until it was well out of his mouth. I’ve lost most of them, but as an example, he was talking about a game of Quake, and he uttered this sentence: “So, there I was behind these two guys, just pumping away…”
He would have gotten further, but everybody else in the room burst out laughing at that point.
That was actually rather tame compared to some of his gems. I’ll try to keep track of his latest too.
“Ignore the furniture in the catalog and embrace your hideous life.”
“Holy shit, if some guy ever said that to me, particularly whilst astride me, I’d shed every bit of inhibition in my body, along with every article of clothing I happened to be wearing at the time.”
“Sunny D is now the purple stuff! Up is down! Black is white! Dear god!”
“If you need me, I’ll be in the corner overdosing on Prozac.”
Care to supply the other end of this quote? For the record, y’know.
Alas, iampunha, that information has been lost to history. The email to which my friend was replying isn’t in any of my folders. I do remember that the statement which induced this quote was uttered during one of my first extended sessions of “alone time” with my (now ex-) boyfriend. Beyond that, I really don’t remember.
In Creative Writing class today, we were working with surrealism. The way we do surrealism is by teaming up, and each person writes a question and an answer (not the the same question) without knowing what the other is writing. The halves are then combined at random and VOILA! Ersatz surrealism. The following quotes come from today’s 80-minute session. I haven’t put them on my webpage yet. (Werthner’s the teacher. I’m Jenn. My friends are Carlee [female] and Jay [male].)
Werthner: For this I want you to shed your inhibitions.
Jay: And our clothing?
Jay: Oh, you only THINK that’s a pencil.
Surrealist Poem #1 from my group:
Why is Jay?
Because he is God, the Almighty.
Surrealist Poem #2:
Why is the sky blue?
Because Stone Cold said so.
#3:
Who’s going to win the World Series?
YO MAMA!
Jay: Why is it called the WORLD Series? It’s all American. America is NOT the world, no matter how Americentric we all may be.
Jenn: Well, technically Canada has the chance to get in there, but I don’t think that realistically the Jays have much of a chance at all. And two North American countries do not equal the world.
Jay: Canada wouldn’t count in the first place. It’s just like America, only stupid.
I beat him up for insulting Canada.
Jay: WHERE IS MY NOTEBOOK!?!?!?
Carlee: I ate it.
Jay: You ate my notebook?
Jenn: Carlee, you ate Jay’s WHAT???
Me: Hannah, are you putting lotion on the cow [stuffed animal]?
Hannah: It’s for his headlights.
Me: What do you mean, his headlights?
Hannah: They’re little bugs that make your head itch.
Me: [Uh oh.] Where did you hear about that?
Hannah: On TV.
Me: [Whew.]
is trying not to laugh too loud in the library Oh boy… those are good… the only one I can think of off the top of my head (I don’t usually collect quotes from friends… but then I don’t have many friends…)
“What we do here is Pole Play.” - said by Bobby aka Dierto Mak when explaining to someone that we were Role Playing in chat.