I have had a rough few days, my friends. (The ones I have left here after being such an ass) I did something the other day that was so heinous that I tried to hide it even from myself. I am ashamed and disappointed in what I did. It hurt me to my very core. It’s a little complicated to say but as I’m still not sure what I can do to rectify it I just need to get it out of me. I tried to tell my wife and she didn’t want to hear it at first because she has some issues of her own, I don’t want to drag her into it because it’s not fair of me to do so. I just need to man up and get this off my chest because I haven’t been able to sleep or eat since this happened and I’ve acted totally out of line here as well. I took my current job because my last one I lost due to the downturn in the economy. It’s getting tough out there. For everyone. I hope we get a president we can respect. Bush begging for oil is a joke given his arrogance in the past. Anyway, I took this job knowing the place I was working was in bad shape. I am skilled at what I do and have turned other places around both from a business standpoint and a management one as well. Well this time I came in with no job title, which does make a difference when your trying to get things done. I take care of repair shops and body shops, wholesaling new factory parts to be precise. I am in charge of all phases of this including supervising delivery and pickup drivers, shipping and receiving of said parts and generally making sure everything runs smooth in the back end of the operation. My boss is 65 years old, set in his ways and does very little in the hands on management of our department. Mostly just getting inventory under control, making sure the parts flow in and out like they should. He’s good at that but his management skills are very lacking. He has an assistant who other than having a title and helping in the department does very little to manage the personnel. As you might imagine it’s tough for me to try to get everything running smooth without a lot of support from my management. All of the other managers in the place, service, sales, fleet sales and the like, give me a lot of support and it helps, because I have been able to gain their respect through my actions, teamwork in a new car dealer is the key to a successful operation on the whole. Enough of the potatoes though, time to get to the meat of the matter. One of the drivers is a black woman, who I like very much, she has three kids and drives to keep her family alive basically. She works for a driver service we employ as a whole, they just send me the drivers with their own trucks. So the other day she was at the cashier window dropping off cash she collected while out on deliveries, and the assistant manger is at the counter and doesn’t see here. He is talking to a mechanic and he cracks some joke about black people. I can’t remember just what he said, although I know the driver remembers, hateful shit like that just burns you up when it’s directed at you, and as I was behind both him and her I tried to shush the asst. up before he could get it out, but wasn’t able to stop him. When I shushed him he says “What !! whats the problem!” still not seeing the driver. I got mad and said “Never mind!” but the damage had been done. I was so embarrassed for the driver and ashamed of myself I just went back to my desk and as It’s busy as all get out, put it out of my mind. I know it was wrong on so many levels, and trying to forget didn’t work as the driver has been getting more and more angry with me each day since it happened. I feel like such a shithheel for not doing anything and yesterday I tried to talk to her but she really didn’t want to speak to me and I don’t blame her at all. That was one of the most gutless and shameful things I have ever done. I told her I was sorry it was such a bad place to work and she said she didn’t care because she was going to quit anyway because she couldn’t take it. I am afraid of losing my job if I start this kind of shit but I know I have to do something. I lost another job well over a year ago over the same kind of thing, I won’t detail it. Lets just say I threw away a 110,000 dollar a year job standing up for others on these same type of principles although not racism but something almost as bad. How in the world am I supposed to keep a job when shit like this still goes on every freaking day? In my business if you don’t make money, your out the door. It’ as simple as that. It being a right to work state means you can be fired at will for pretty much anything your bosses choose. I am not wealthy, so what? I should get a lawyer and try to take a major business to court? I have always dealt with things on a face to face level but it’s getting to where you it just can’t be done anymore. If you speak out you are fired. Bottom line is I am going to get this driver by herself this morning and apologize and then ask for her forgiveness then I’m going to have to talk to one of the big bosses and try to dance around the subject without getting myself or others in my department fired. Thanks for listening, those of you that didn’t say TLDR, 
, I have to keep smiling or I swear, I am going to lose my mind. I don’t know what I am hoping to gain by saying all this here other than just getting it off my chest. Time to stand tall and grit my teeth and just let the shit fly fast and furious like I know it will. Peace be with you. and me.
You tried to shush the guy, he failed to take notice. It’s not your fault, as far as I can tell. I don’t know why the driver would be angry with you; maybe she’s embarassed about the whole thing, as well. You could’ve done nothing; that would’ve been worse.
BTW, hit Enter now and then when composing a post; it helps with readability.
Sweet fucking Jesus, man. Learn how to compose paragraphs for independent ideas. Seriously.
That said, you’re being an overreactive drama queen. Not about the racism, but how you’re handling the incident. You did your part; you can’t change the fact that some people are just asses. Had it been me, I may have called him out on exactly what the problem was, since he was apparently too dense to notice. “The fact that your remark was entirely inappropriate for the workplace and made me uncomfortable is the problem” sounds about right. But if you’re generally a non-confrontational person, you did all you could be expected to do.
Unless you’re this guy’s superior. In which case, no, you didn’t do your job. I can’t tell if you are or aren’t; again, your formatting needs. major. work. If you are, then you failed to maintain a respectful environment in the workplace.
When come back, bring composition.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re making way too much out of this. The guy is a dick, and you can’t do much about it. You tried to shut him up, unsurprisingly he didn’t listen, so blame the guilty party. Are you even listening to yourself? ‘Your failure to stop racism?’ How’s one person going to stop racism?
Well ATBR, I’m a fucking dick! Understand? I don’t take any shit off of anybody except customers because they pay my bills. I appreciate your words, but drama gueen? Be fucking realistic! Do you let people say shit like that around and to you? Who’s the queen in our little group? Oh, and since I’m back I’ll throw one more gear into the grinder. The mechanic he was speaking to was a BLACK GUY! Yeah ! Excellent job I did blocking that shit out, huh? Boy your opinion of me has probably hit a new fucking low now, hasn’t it? This is going swimmingly. Sorry for all the exclamation points. Damn I’m a dumbass. Fuck. Me. Runnin. :smack:
I have no title at this place except Lead Dumbass!
Gee, I don’t know maybe You with the face or Monstro will stop by and tell you how to do it. There is only one way. One person at a time. That’s how I stopped myself so I know for a fact not only does it work but it can be done. But allowing that shit on my watch is doing a piss poor job of it. You can say whatever you like but it will not change the fact that it is wrong. I don’t know whether to shit or go blind. Is it too early for a cocktail or what! :smack: :smack: :smack:
I think you’re right to hate yourself.
Ok, so the Asst Manager is telling a “black guy” joke to a black guy, and you’re trying to shush him because there’s another black person in the room? That’s idiotic.
Secondly, you don’t “stop racism” by getting racists to hush up when their targets are in ear shot. All you’re doing there is hiding racism, and preventing the person from knowing who is and who isn’t a racist, protecting the racist.
Maybe you should tell one of the more reasonable managers that this sort of work environment puts the business at risk, people sue over this stuff.
It’s not too long to read, so I won’t say TLDR. It just hurts to read. So I gave up. Sorry.
Seriously, paragraphs - I might even sympathise with you if I can read the post without my eyeballs imploding.
Look, Omegaman, this sort of thing can be hard to deal with. I know. I stopped speaking to a former friend after her husband and another friend made some incredibly bigoted remarks last time I was at their house. She knows we’re on not on friendly terms any more, but she doesn’t know why because I don’t know how to tell her her husband is a bigot. Like you, I made my displeasure (actually anger) quite clear, but they still didn’t get it.
I suspect the reason your driver’s upset is because the guy who made the remarks is still there and, as far as she can tell, hasn’t suffered any consequences. She also has to deal with a guy who thinks less of her because of who she is and who probably sees nothing wrong with his remarks. She can’t confront him; it sounds like she needs your business as surely as you need your job. She can’t do anything about it, but maybe she thinks you can.
You cannot change what you’ve done. We’re not God; we don’t have that ability. You can change what you will do. If you can, maybe apologize to the driver and let her know you hated what happened and you tried to stop it. Also, check your PMs.
I’m not sure I get it.
Someone said something racist. You tried to stop them, but failed to do so soon enough. A black person is mad at you for something someone else said.
Que?
The OP becomes readable if you turn your brightness up and put a sheet of lined paper in front of the screen.
Seriously, though - it isn’t your job to seek out racism wherever it lurks and crush it. You tried to speak up, and that’s more than enough.
What was the joke, or at least the nature of it? Hard to judge how heinous an offense it was, absent that information. The race-joke offense spectrum ranges wildly, after all—from “innocuous” to “well-intentioned, but clueless” to “Michael Richards.”
And did the mechanic seem offended, or are they in the habit of sharing that sort of humor?
Um, Lib, this is a whoosh, right? Right? Please say it’s a whoosh.
I’m not trying to be a dick, and I didn’t edit any of the actual content of your post, but I thought that maybe if it was broken into a few paragraphs instead of a crusading wall of text then it would be more readable. Sorry if this breaks the rule about editing posts in quotes, but damn, I couldn’t read it the way it was.
You did drop the ball, but you’re self loathing is a bit much I think.
Omegaman’s action can easily be interpreted as trying to protect the assistant manager from embarrassment, rather than trying to protect the driver.
Kind of like on TV, when a character is about to insult someone, and that someone is standing behind them… if you rush in and interrupt, it’s not to protect the insultee.
OM is under the delusion that racism is eradicated if we could just keep the black guy jokes out of earshot.
I hope this isn’t too patronizing, but between this OP and your reactions in this thread, I’m kind of worried about you. Really, you seem to be kind of…off. Are you OK?
Well they are used to sharing it and the same mechanic knows I don’t go in for it and I can’t help but think he would rather not hear it either. He is a tough guy, a lot like me, but being smaller he works out with weights and some people fear him just because he looks that way. Muscular, shaved head, never smiles. The thing is I feel like I know how he feels because I am big and ugly and although I smile a lot more know, I remember when I was younger and didn’t smile at all because I didn’t wan’t to talk to people. When you are judged all the time it is easy to get that way. Your standoffish and you just get used to it.
Don’t be. You read what I do for a living. I have done it almost my whole life save for when I was younger, I went through jobs like hotcakes, because when bosses got rude with me I would just tell them at what time I left work and if they had any other smart remarks, we could speak about it then.