Just leave him be.
Well I appreciate you good thoughts and they do make a diiference. I have been between a rock and a hard place many times in my life before, and I’ve had to cut my hand off on more than one occasion, figurativly speaking, and I’ve never went on the news about it, so to speak. I just need to suck it up and do whats right. Apologize to the driver and seek council as delicately as I can. Sometimes you have to put your faith in others in times like these and writing it off without trying is really just judging the big boss to be weak like I have been. All of your council is appreciated but now is the time to act. Leave the light on for me.
Without knowing exactly what was said, I think you’re overreacting, too. Jokes that create a hostile working environment are indeed a pain in the rear, but practically speaking, you can only do so much. Maybe the driver was initially mad at you because she thought you were covering the manager’s tail moreso than trying to look out for her, but I’m sure she knows that’s not the case now since you apologized.
Whatever you do, don’t go over the assistant manager’s head. As nonconfrontational as possible, tell him that someone overheard his joke and was offended, and then let it drop. Don’t bother to do more unless he acts like a jackass about it, and even then I’d be smart about it and not try to be America’s Greatest Hero. It’s not worth losing a job over.
Um…OK. Act how? What are you planning on doing, exactly? Take care of yourself, seriously.
I’m wondering about that, too.
Your posts would be a lot easier to read if you didn’t insist on filling them with so many irrelevant facts about your past, your personal life, and your belief that you are personally responsible for improving the entire world. Seriously, you need to stop overreacting to everything that happens around you, and taking everything so personally.
Got it. Thanks.
… deleted, redundant …
ISTM that you “took shit” in not explaining to the co-worker what it was you objected to.
Of course. That’s why I said
Are you ok?
If your compoany has an HR department, maybe you could file a discrimination or harrasment complaint. You don’t have to work in that kind of a hostile atmosphere even if you aren’t the target. I don’t think they can fire you for complaining about it either, but it might not hurt to consult with a lawyer.
OP, may i direct your attention to this post.
Jodi did not write it specifically for you, but you should read it anyway.
Omegaman, I agree that you did the wrong thing, but it has little to do with the driver. It’s almost irrelevant whether she was there or not - the fact that you let somebody tell such a joke in your presence is the problem. I can’t quite tell from your post whether you’re his superior or he’s your superior, but either way the way for you to do the right thing is not just to talk to the driver, but to talk to him. Tell him calmly that the “joke” was offensive. You could then talk to the driver, apologize for not having said anything at the time, and let her know that you have since talked to the offender.
While I’m assuming (hoping) that you’re being overly dramatic for the sake of story-telling, I do know how something like this can get to you. I was recently at a gathering where a rape joke was told, and I still feel bad for not having said anything. Simply not laughing was not enough - my silence made me complicit.
I took shit from the asst manager as apparently he feels it is his right to make and kind of crude or racist joke he pleases.
I’m fine, thanks for your concern. I tried to use smileys to let you know I am attempting to keep a sense of humor about myself. After to apologizing to the driver, this a m , I am not so cheerful anymore. She informed me that tomarrow will be her last day as she could not tolerate the environment due to that comment and also another that she told me about that was made to her while picking up a part at another dealer. This one was directed at her by a counterman by him refering to her as “the little black driver” and I could tell it hurt her by the look in her eyes. I consider myself to be very tough but I almost came to tears. I just spoke to the assistant, confronted him about it and he feels bad I can tell, but the damage has been done. I am no teacher nor do I have any right to expect any of you to listen to what I will now say but here goes.
This is what happens when you hold your toungue. Do not let your fear make you hesitate. Carpe Diem, I believe it is in Latin.I am crestfallen and at this point I don’t know what else to say.
Rest assured that although I attempt to employ humor to lighten the mood I do not embellish my relation to you of events of this magnitude. Nor do I “tell storys” except to children. I appreciate your sentiments and receive them in the way they were intended.
Well thanks for bringing it to my attention. I feel it would be futile to offer my apologies to her as she would not have read my op, and I gather that many did not either. Might I offer my most humble apologies to all who manage to get through it. My intent was to rid my self of something I found to be offensive in the hopes that it might offer a respite, however brief, from what has been troubling me for some time.
Omegaman, I appreciate that you shared this story and my heart hurts for your friend.
If the assistant feels bad about what he said, is there any way you could convince him to apologize to your friend the driver? It’s difficult and embarrassing to admit fault, but even a mumbled, “Sorry I made you feel bad,” from him might help your friend to feel as though she doesn’t need to quit immediately. Oftentimes people make hurtful comments thoughtlessly. If he saw the hurt in her eyes, it might help him to see things from her point of view.
ETA: clarification
Nothing to add but good wishes for your good heart, OM.
Regards,
Shodan
‘Manning up’ doesn’t involve posting your problem on a message board. The fact that you won’t talk to your boss about this because you’re afraid of getting fired just shows that your convictions aren’t quite as strong as you might think they are.
Your whole song and dance about the economy and your job status don’t change what your moral imperative is, if you truly feel yourself to be a crusader for anti-racism. If you truly felt the joke was out of place, the best thing to do is to have an immediate response that is based around the action itself, not the feelings of someone who’s hearing it. I recommend a quirked eyebrow, shaking your head slowly, and saying ‘Not cool, dude’, but I’m sure there are plenty of other appropriate responses.
And you sure as hell shouldn’t apologize to the driver for the guy who made the joke. That’s not your place. Apologize for not doing anything at the time, not for not doing something ‘in time’.
Right now you ought to be pitting yourself for composing one friggin’ huge paragraph that will surely blind the next person that tries to wade through it.
Please man, paragraph breaks are your friend and mine.
Me too. I wish your heart and mind peace.