I have had a rough few days, my friends. (The ones I have left here after being such an ass) I did something the other day that was so heinous that I tried to hide it even from myself. I am ashamed and disappointed in what I did. It hurt me to my very core.
It’s a little complicated to say but as I’m still not sure what I can do to rectify it I just need to get it out of me. I tried to tell my wife and she didn’t want to hear it at first because she has some issues of her own, I don’t want to drag her into it because it’s not fair of me to do so. I just need to man up and get this off my chest because I haven’t been able to sleep or eat since this happened and I’ve acted totally out of line here as well. I took my current job because my last one I lost due to the downturn in the economy. It’s getting tough out there. For everyone. I hope we get a president we can respect. Bush begging for oil is a joke given his arrogance in the past.
Anyway, I took this job knowing the place I was working was in bad shape. I am skilled at what I do and have turned other places around both from a business standpoint and a management one as well. Well this time I came in with no job title, which does make a difference when your trying to get things done. I take care of repair shops and body shops, wholesaling new factory parts to be precise. I am in charge of all phases of this including supervising delivery and pickup drivers, shipping and receiving of said parts and generally making sure everything runs smooth in the back end of the operation.
My boss is 65 years old, set in his ways and does very little in the hands on management of our department. Mostly just getting inventory under control, making sure the parts flow in and out like they should. He’s good at that but his management skills are very lacking. He has an assistant who other than having a title and helping in the department does very little to manage the personnel. As you might imagine it’s tough for me to try to get everything running smooth without a lot of support from my management. All of the other managers in the place, service, sales, fleet sales and the like, give me a lot of support and it helps, because I have been able to gain their respect through my actions, teamwork in a new car dealer is the key to a successful operation on the whole.
Enough of the potatoes though, time to get to the meat of the matter.
One of the drivers is a black woman, who I like very much, she has three kids and drives to keep her family alive basically. She works for a driver service we employ as a whole, they just send me the drivers with their own trucks. So the other day she was at the cashier window dropping off cash she collected while out on deliveries, and the assistant manger is at the counter and doesn’t see here. He is talking to a mechanic and he cracks some joke about black people.
I can’t remember just what he said, although I know the driver remembers, hateful shit like that just burns you up when it’s directed at you, and as I was behind both him and her I tried to shush the asst. up before he could get it out, but wasn’t able to stop him. When I shushed him he says “What !! whats the problem!” still not seeing the driver. I got mad and said “Never mind!” but the damage had been done.
I was so embarrassed for the driver and ashamed of myself I just went back to my desk and as It’s busy as all get out, put it out of my mind. I know it was wrong on so many levels, and trying to forget didn’t work as the driver has been getting more and more angry with me each day since it happened. I feel like such a shithheel for not doing anything and yesterday I tried to talk to her but she really didn’t want to speak to me and I don’t blame her at all.
That was one of the most gutless and shameful things I have ever done. I told her I was sorry it was such a bad place to work and she said she didn’t care because she was going to quit anyway because she couldn’t take it. I am afraid of losing my job if I start this kind of shit but I know I have to do something. I lost another job well over a year ago over the same kind of thing, I won’t detail it. Lets just say I threw away a 110,000 dollar a year job standing up for others on these same type of principles although not racism but something almost as bad.
How in the world am I supposed to keep a job when shit like this still goes on every freaking day? In my business if you don’t make money, your out the door. It’ as simple as that. It being a right to work state means you can be fired at will for pretty much anything your bosses choose. I am not wealthy, so what?
I should get a lawyer and try to take a major business to court? I have always dealt with things on a face to face level but it’s getting to where you it just can’t be done anymore. If you speak out you are fired. Bottom line is I am going to get this driver by herself this morning and apologize and then ask for her forgiveness then I’m going to have to talk to one of the big bosses and try to dance around the subject without getting myself or others in my department fired.
Thanks for listening, those of you that didn’t say TLDR, , I have to keep smiling or I swear, I am going to lose my mind. I don’t know what I am hoping to gain by saying all this here other than just getting it off my chest. Time to stand tall and grit my teeth and just let the shit fly fast and furious like I know it will. Peace be with you. and me.
