Rapture coming this WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY!!

Depends on what kind of car.

It just turned Wednesday here in Canberra, Australia, and no looting or pillaging to report as of yet. However this brave reporter will continue to provide live updates of the sheer apocalyptic terror that reigns over us on this dark day.

Isabelle - I’ll happily “take care” of your car after you get raptured. Could you please pay for shipping costs to Canberra though? After all, as the televangelists love to say, there’s no need for money in the afterlife!

Can anyone suggest a good locust repellant for the windshields during the impending plagues?

:smiley:

Does this mean I don’t have to worry about paying my Visa bill?? OK kiddies, drinks are on me!

What will you be doing in a Yugo ? :smiley:

With the approach of the Planet of War, this would make a perfect time for them to invade us with 1920’s style “death rays”.

Isn’t this date the same as the Big Nuclear WipeOut as prophisized in Terminator 2, just a different year?

Anyone else picturing a Monty Python style skit here? I’m just seeing mrsam in one of those brown trenchcoats, ranting about the apocalyptic terror, as families walk down the streets, cars drive past, etc.

The Rapture’s tomorrow, and I haven’t a thing to wear!

Wonder if it’s OK to be Raptured in the nude? Can’t see why not - I was nekkid during numerous other moments of great rapture. :slight_smile:

Something always has to ruin my three day weekend.

There might me more of us left behind than you think.

Is this one of those purple robe/ black Nike kind of deals?

I think we can all relax. The rapture is not going to happen Wednesday. But not because of the reasons you think. Actually, it is because there are no more good people left. The rapture occured some years ago. I don’t remember the exact date. But all the “enlightened” were taken up to heaven leaving the rest of us.

Of course, that means that means that this is actually hell, so maybe we shouldn’t exactly relax :smack:

UPDATE FROM CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA

STUDENTS ON DRUNKEN RAMPAGE!!

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, students are going on a drunken rampage at the Australian National University. At approximately 1.40AM Eastern Standard Time students were heard coming from Northbourne Ave screaming in a drunken manner by none other than yours truly. One can only assume the worst has occurred. As we feared, the apocalypse is at hand! Loot what you can before the rioting begins in earnest! Save yourselves!

No, this is honest-to-Christ, Book-of-Revelations heavy Biblical shit.

(That quote alone ensures that I’ll be “Left Behind.”)

The righteous will be assumed body and soul, or somesuch.

The rest of us will endure plagues, and a holy war, and Satan, and other assorted bogeymen.

I remember getting a tract on it one time from some dude “witnessing” on the 4 train. I’ll see if I can find it and post it on the thread. I think it was called “What to do in case of RAPTURE!”

Too bad I lost it. Looks like I might be needing it.

On a related note, has anyone seen that hoax website about some dot-com set up to inscribe people with the Mark of the Beast? I’ll see if I can find that as well.

I was in the kiddie pool around 10:30 at night at Wet & Wild (this is a water amusement park) I was floating in an inner tube while my kids were at the other end of the pool flitting about. When all of a sudden I heard trumpets and angelical music. I jumped to my feet thinking this was the Rapture and was looking around to see if my kids would go. By this time I had lost track of the kids and didn’t see them anywhere and I was left standing in the pool alone.

After a minute I realized that I had floated in front of 30ft speakers that was simply playing angelical music. There was no rapture.

Phew. I was really scared!

Can anyone suggest a good locust recipe? It seems that there will be plenty of them soon and I am not going to starve.

Besides do you think a person with a “Death Ray” could injure the returnee? After all I would assume that they will be mortal for the duration of the rapture. I’ll try it anyway, what di I have to lose anyway. Ready…Aim…Waiting…Waiting

Does this have anything to do with how close Mars is? Mars must be Planet X!

We checked out the website this guy mentions in his letter “if we wanted the truth about these last hours”.

Holy Hooterites! :eek:

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

www.two-olive-trees.org


Somebodys gotta go back an git a shitload of dimes.

From http://www.hollowtop.com/finl_html/grasshoppers.htm

First, catch a bunch of grasshoppers and leave them in a jar overnight to purge (if you’re finicky). Then boil them for ten minutes, after which you can easily remove the large legs, and wings, too, if they are also large.

Next, in a bowl, beat one or more eggs, depending on how many grasshoppers you have, to which you add the little critters after removing the legs and wings. Then put the beaten-egg-covered “hoppers” in a paper sack or plastic bag which contains some yellow or white cornmeal and shake. Next, place the egg and cornmeal-covered grasshoppers one by-one into a small frying pan with an inch (2.54 cm) of hot cooking oil and fry until golden brown. After cooking, remove the hoppers from the skillet and place them on paper towels - to soak up any excess oil. Our family experimented by eating them plain, and dipped in mustard, catsup, horseradish, or honey.

Am I the only one who opened this thread thinking that it could have been about Blondie touring again. I was almost excited.

Listen, just in case this really does happen I have a question for all those good folk who will be taken up to Heaven tomorrow:

Can I have your stuff?

Oh, and in case I should be one of the good folk of whom I speak, I’ll miss you guys.

Lance a boil for me.