I dunno if this goes here, but it’s kindof a poll, so…
I assume everyone knows what spoonerisms are… y’know like the old “two pickets to Titsburgh” joke…
One time back in college I was up late drinking sarsparilla with some buddies and we ordered a pizza, with a side of “bread crusts” – this was before they got fancy names, just pizza dough cooked w/ garlic butter.
But because of the effects of the sarsparilla, I wound up ordering pizza with a side of breast cruds. Thing is, it became a running joke, and for the next 3+ years, we always refered to bread crust as breast crud. To this day, I have to stop, think, and be very careful to enunciate when I try to say “bread crust”.
When I was in high school, I developed a ravenous love for the lemon poppyseed muffins that our school vending machine carried. One night, we were at the school late rehearsing a play, and I asked one of my fellow actors to run down and get my a lemon poppyseed muffin. He didn’t really feel like walking all the way to the vending machine, and neither did I, so I kind of whined at him “But I really want a lemonseed poppy!”
If caught on, and everyone working on that play started calling them “lemonseed poppies.” I still catch myself saying it sometimes.
I always call Neiman Marcus (dept. store) “Needless Markup”, so much so, I once wrote it on a check and almost handed it to the cashier that way. I caught the ‘mistake’ on the check and then said, “Oh, I wrote the wrong amount, lemme write a new one” (my then boyfriend, now husband, thought it was pretty darn funny)
Certain people in my office are notorious for our Spoonerisms. I’m one of them.
Here are a few of my favorites:
“coff of cuppee” (cup of coffee)
“friendler usey” (user friendly)
“flotting swies” (swatting flies)
One night, one of my co-workers was a little drunk and was complaining to her her son about having to make cupcakes for a funeral the next day, or as she called them, “cockin’ fupcakes” (fuckin’ cupcakes).
Another co-worker asked for an “oasin ratemeal” (oatmeal raisin) cookie at Subway.
This one took the cake though:
While talking to a friend about the fishing excursion we planned to go on that evening, my husband told him he hoped we’d have “good fuck lishing” (good luck fishing). Bastard made me fall off the couch.
My former roomie and I were trying to come up with a name for a beer I had brewed. And no, I hadn’t had anything to drink when we were doing this – which may be part of the problem. Anyway, I intended to suggest “Lone Wolf Oatmeal Stout” – “Lone Wolf” because I had brewed it myself while he was travelling, whereas we normally brewed everything together. But what actually came out of my mouth was “Lone Meal Oatwolf Stout”. Much more interesting name than what I had in mind, so we made up some labels with the mangled name.
When I was a little 'un me and my mates used to get “betty swollocks”.
Not so much of an accident as a way of avoiding saying it. Got us out of trouble and avoided embarrassing anyone, mostly girls (who’s Betty Swollocks?)
Once, when I was still a very green engineer, I told my VP that the long expected prototypes had arrived and were “shitting in sipping” ready to be picked up. :o
Although I’ve always referred to these as Kermits, not Spoonerisms, a friend of mine woke up the ticket line at the cinema when she requested, “Two for ‘Babette’s Fist.’”
My friend’s daughter used to ask us if we’d brought any *cock porn * home from the cinema. Took me *years * to get out of the habit of calling it that.
When I was staying in a hotel once I was asked what I wanted for breakfast and after a moment of thought said coast and toffee please
Wasn’t there a Weather Person who once said tomorrow there’ll be frog and fost?
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First post here. I once said to a clerk at Smart and Final before writing a check, “what store is this? Oh, yeah, Fart and Sminal”… :rolleyes: I’d been in 10 stores that day. It’s amazing how nonexistent some people’s senses of humor are.
Not even a smile.
My dad used to say, intentionally, “You buttered your bread, now lie in it”…
A teacher I know claims that when he was observing another teacher once that she referred to Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities as A Sale of Two Titties. I have my doubts that it actually happened.
Years ago, my mother asked for the needle nose pliers by referring to them as nodle neese. She kept on repeating it that way, getting increasingly irate as the rest of the family collapsed on the floor laughing. It’s now become a family thing, and on the rare occasions needle nose pliers come up in conversation with people outside the family I have to be really careful to enunciate properly.
My mother is actually the queen of spoonerisms, so I’m sure I’ll come up with more later.
One time long ago, VunderWife wanted me to take her to the flea grounds at the fair market.
Another time, she asked me a question about our family friends, Al and Gilice (Gil and Alice).
Oh, and with reference to “Betty Swollocks”; I can’t shout ‘Band Name!’, but it would make a wonderful user handle…
(my then boyfriend, now husband, thought it was pretty darn funny)