Mr Burns on his investments in International Spats & Trans-Atlantic Zeppelin.
Either Carl or Lenny saying, and I’m paraphrasing, “Whose banana do you have to peel to get a drink around here?”
You know the more I think about it, the more I come up with.
I remember being hungry and I started to sing, “Dancin’ away my hunger pains, moving my feet so my belly don’t hurt”
Personally, I like “I wash myself with a raaaag on a stick”. I also refer to “yams stuffed with gunpowder” as a handy vegetable to serve with dinner. Any references to famous scientists will be met with “Batman was a scientist!”
When we were younger, my brother and I used to stay awake at night and try to come up with quotes the other one wouldn’t recognize. Obviously it worked as a learning tool. When our youngest brother was born, I tried to say “D’oh!” instead of cursing when I could. (Really I guess it was more like “when I could be bothered to” than “when I remembered.”) Anyway, with two older brothers saying “d’oh” a lot, the youngest one was soon doing it too. Which drove my parents crazy. He’s 12 now, so he still does it sometimes, whereas I’ve gone back to my good friends “crap,” “hell,” “shit,” “damn” and “fuck.”
“What a country!” - Dr. Nick.
Glaven!
64 slices of American cheese, 63 slices… I think I’m blinnnnnd
199 springs to flush down, 199 springs, you flush one down, it swirls around, 199 springs to flush down.
You will now be singing that all day!
He did it because he’s stupid! That’s the only reason anybody does anything.
My favorite is Marge’s uncle’s line: Shoot them all and let God sort them out. Said whenever I have a bunch of tasks to do, and decide to just dive in.
I try to work in “It tastes like burning” a lot - pisses the wife off when she cooks.
I’ve used a handful of the above, including “embiggen” with some frequency. (“Cromulent” is the one I really want to introduce into the language, but it doesn’t come up as often.)
Also, whenever my wife accuses me of doing something she finds annoying (a frequent occurance), I typically response with “And I’d do it again” while holding my fingers as if they were grasping a teacup, from the sugar episode.
–Cliffy
the two lines that I use constantly:
“it’s funny cuz i don’t know him”
and
“remember, we’re in the Itchy lot”
“CrapBoobsCrap!”
I work on a helpdesk and a particuarly exasperated user told me “You guys just don’t understand what we go through here.” I should have thought twice before I told her “Just because we don’t caaaaaare, doesn’t mean we don’t understand.” But I didn’t.
And I still have a job today!
I can’t believe there’s so few Apu quotes! My roommates and I use them frequently.
During weekend chores when someone sits down before we’re done.
“Oh no you don’t. No dying 'til they’re out of college.”
“Look, I’ll die when I want to.”
To end arguments:
“I can’t believe you don’t shut up.”
And when exciting news is met with no enthusiasm.
“Must you knock everything we do?”
On the way out to the bar.
“We’re going to party like it’s on sale for $19.99.”
You have a wife and a girlfriend? No wonder you answer the door sans-pants.
Here’s mine: When verbal-sparing with friends I know I can always fall back on:
“You win this round…” or
“I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.”
And whenever my wife denies me anything:
“But doing <x> is my life-long dream!”
Well, since the girlfriend one was ‘one time…’ it could be a previous affair… or even Mrs. JJ before she was a Mrs, or even a fiancee. 
My husband and I quote or misquote the simpsons on a daily basis.
Woohoo, D’oh, I"m on my way…
One of our favorites is “I like you too, Pepsi.”
And, it just so happens we have a daughter named Magaggie…I mean Maggie.
She had a Maggie Simpson pacifier when she was a baby.
Bart: You killed zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?
I haven’t watched new episodes in their first run in several seasons (I’m catching up on DVD) so most of mine are older.
I think you’d be surprised how easy it is to work “That’s my retirement grease!!” into a conversation. I also get a lot of mileage from “Buh? Guh.”, “I’m old! I only like Matlock.” and “Well excuuuuse me for having enormous flaws I don’t work on!”
When a conversation or joke is getting away from me and the penny finally drops I can’t seem to stop myself from saying, “Oh, SideSHOW Bob!”
“Don’t worry, Todd. There’s no sugar in pixie sticks.” also comes in handy. Oh and “That’s a load bearing poster.”
The online photo album for my cross-stitch projects is called “Less Artsy/More Fartsy.”
Please, they prefer to be called “the living impaired.”
If I’m ever feeling a bit stressed about money, I’ll say “Oh, I have three kids and no money. What can’t I have no kids and three money?”
I’ll occasionally mutter “Stupid flounders.”