“I don’t even believe in Jebus!” gets used a lot.
weirdly, “possib-LIE” has replaced “possibly” in most of my casual conversation, though I’m not sure most people get it. As in “nothing could possib-LIE go wrong” says the conductor bringing them to Itchy & Scratchy World
I made one a few weeks ago in another thread, I don’t think anyone got it.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12783888&postcount=78
I use this line also with my wife, as well as “Well, it takes TWO to lie: one to lie, and one to listen!” (And while she was pregnant, “It’s uter-US, not uter-YOU!”)
While making a speech at a wedding reception 2 years ago I was very tempted to crib from Homer: “What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines it as: the process of removing weeds from one’s garden…”
Sometimes when planning a fancy romantic dinner outing with my wife I’ll break out the Moe Syzslak gem: “Don’t eat nothin’ for three days, 'cause I am taking you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat!”
And I can’t tell you the number of times I look over in silence at someone during an interminable meeting at work and think-send, “I know you can read my thoughts… Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow…”
Oh, and how could I forget: every year while doing performance reviews (both giving and receiving), I inevitably barely refrain from using either side of the exchange:
“What initiatives have you spearheaded in that time?”
“Uh… All of them?”
“I… See.”
Whenever indecisive about food choices:
“Eww, I’ll have the crab juice.”
When I’d forgotten about the food on the stove and MrsG said “The food is burning…”
Me: “It’s a motivated seller!”
Me, I use the Principal Skinner line.
Wife: “The food is on fire!”
Me: “No, it’s just the Northern Lights.”
It was the kitchen that was on fire. And it was Superintendent Chalmers. Skinn-man ain’t got no wife. M’mmm Steamed Hams.
We’re leaving zombies open these days, but there’s no reason not to move it to the right forum.
I’ll leave it to a Simpsons fan to tell me what quote I should have used.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
You people have held me back long enough! I’m going to Cafe Society!
Even better, when Bart fell and broke his leg, and Nelson said “Ha Ha!,” Millhouse followed up with “Nelson, I think he’s REALLY HURT!” Nelson’s hilarious followup: “I SAID HA HA!” I don’t know how to do italics on this screen, but the I SAID part needs to be stressed here (as it was by Nelson).
Marge: Homer! Did you barricade the door?
Homer: Why? Oh, the zombies! No.
The wife - “It’s easy to criticize.”
Me - “Fun, too.”
When enduring a boring story:
“Yes, yes, it’s all a rich tapestry.”
So, you’re telling us that you get confused while hitting on women? Has the “cat food” line ever worked?
*FREE ADVICE FOR EVERYONE THAT SPOUTS LINES FROM TV SHOWS:
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You may be amused, but People In The World Outside Your Head may be annoyed. And they may not tell you.
With my wife I’ve used: Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
Also: How about this, I’ll try to try.
That’s one of my favorite Simpsons moments ever. David Hyde-Pierce’s voice just dripped with subdued sarcasm.
One I use a lot is for when someone describes an extremely minor conflict between themselves and their spouse: "Good thing you don’t keep guns in the house…"
That one is from the marriage counseling episode after Ned Flanders complains about Maude underlining passages in HIS bible.
You realize I wrote that 6 years ago right?
*FREE ADVICE FOR EVERYONE THAT IS FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE
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Hooked on phonics worked for me.
I use “Never!” ALL of the time.
Also: What does “Cromulent” mean? or not mean? or whatever…
So, you’re telling us that you USED TO get confused while hitting on women?
But that at some point in the last six years you figured the whole thing out…
Or are you telling us that the “cat food” line HAS worked since that post?