Really lame engineer joke

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Missy2U

I cannot be a coincidence but someone else in the UK reads this board and has great influence.

I was trying to relate your tale to my coworker but he interrupted me and said that the morning dj on BBC Radio2, Sarah Kennedy, had literally just broadcast it on air minutes before he arrived in his car to collect me.

It seems she got the joke from an e-mail that a listener had sent in that very morning, and that was the day after your post appeared.

I bow down 2U, we are not worthy…

22

Shouldn’t it be e^x? e is just a constant…

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says “Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish.”
The hardware engineer went first. “I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries.” The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. “I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries.” The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager’s turn. “And what would your wish be?” asked the genie.

“I want them both back after lunch” replied the project manager.

These are math jokes, but I found some of it funny, so…:

How to put an elephant into the refrigerator:
Analysis:

  1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig.
  2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant).
  3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem.

Linear algebra:

  1. Put just its basis and span it in the refrig.
  2. Show that 1% of the elephant will fit inside the refrigerator. By linearity, x% will fit for any x.

Set theory:
It’s very easy! Refrigerator = { elephant }

Geometry:
Declare the following:
Axiom 1. An elephant can be put into a refrigerator.

Statistics:

  1. Bright statistician. Put its tail as a sample and say “Done.”
  2. Dull statistician. Repeat the experiment pushing the elephant to the refrig.
  3. Our NEW study shows that you CAN’T put the elephant in the refrigerator.

Happy weekend!

23

A psychologist wants to know the difference (psychologically speaking) between an engineer, a physicist, and a mathmatician. [sub][sup](I’ve got to learn some jokes that are easier to spell.)[/sup][/sub]

He gets one of each to volunteer, and puts each one in a separate bedroom.

After the subjects have all gone to sleep, the psychologist sneaks into the engineer’s room and sets the trash in the wastebasket on fire. He leaves the room, makes a noise to wake the engineer, and watches the results on closed-circuit TV.

The engineer wakes up and sees the fire. There is a pitcher of water on the bedside table, and the engineer pours all of the water into the wastebasket. Then he takes the wastebasket into the connecting bathroom, flushes the ashes down the toilet, and leaves the wastebasket upside down in the tub. He returns to the bedroom, braces a chair under the doorknob of the door to the hall so no one can get in to start another fire, gets back in bed, and goes to sleep.

The next experimental subject is the physicist. When he sees the fire in his wastebasket and the pitcher of water, he scribbles a few calculations on the back of an envelope. Then he pours exactly enough water in the wastebasket to put out the fire. He sees that it worked, smiles, gets back in bed, and goes back to sleep.

Lastly, the psychologist starts a fire in the mathematician’s room. When the mathematician wakes up, he sees the fire, sees the water, and does a quick calculation in his head. Then he says to himself, “A solution exists,” rolls over, and goes back to sleep.

24

Back when I was an engineering student (many, many years ago), the favorite mathematical joke among the engineering students was the following.

2 + 2 = 3, for small values of 2.

25

Here are a few math jokes:

Q: How do you tell physics majors from math majors?

A: Put them at one end of a room, and a hot babe at the other end. The math majors won’t move, because they know they’ll only get half as close, half again as close, ad infinitum. The physics majors, however, know they’ll get close enough.
Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog Cauchy?

A: Because he left residues at all the poles.
I was a physics/math/computer engineering triple major (with unofficial minors in computer science and English Lit), hence my handle…