missdavis102, I’ve actually seen that one :). The only difference was that it said ‘Do not turn this side up’ instead of ‘Do Not Invert’ (does Joe Consumer know what invert means?). The funniest one I’ve heard of (UL time) was the one on a set of knives (made in Non English Speaking Country) with the instructions translated from the NESC’s. The clever warning? “Keep out of children”.
On those little Silica Gel packets that are used to keep moisture out of everything from vitamins to beef jerky:
“Warning: Do Not Eat”
No? Damn, I was thinking of dipping it in some hot sauce.
On the deck of my riding lawn mower:
“Caution: Do not place hands underneath while mower is running. Rotating blades are sharp.”
Really? So that’s how the grass gets cut. I never knew.
I can’t believe that no one mentioned the now famous warning on a urinal cake: DO NOT EAT.
It’s not an urban legend - I had one. They were small utility knives (with the little metal blade that slides out of a plastic sheath), that you could get from Lab Supply at MIT.
And of course, no discussion of warning labels would be complete without the words of the Master.
On my box of matches this morning.
‘Danger - Fire kills Children’
Sherlock?
How odd. Deja Vu. I think I have seen this before somewhere… Oh yeah. It was HERE> http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48533
You may continue.
Not on a product warning label, but…
“No Left Turn” signs at the end of freeway entrance ramps. I see them all the time. I blaze by them at 55 mph since I’m, you know, accelerating to merge with the very fast traffic on my left, all of which is going in the same direction. I know that they put the signs there because someone, some time, actually tried to stop at the end of an ENTRANCE RAMP and make a LEFT TURN…
Can’t they just put a “Congenitally stupid people not allowed on freeway” sign up and be done with it?
I apologize for the slight hijack but I feel this is a common misperception that should be addressed in the common interest of eradicating ignorance.
McD’s kept their coffee much hotter than was reasonable. The plaintiff suffered 3rd degree burns over 6% of her body and required 8 days of hospitalization and treatment. This was not a frivolous lawsuit. See http://www.lectlaw.com/files/cur78.htm for more info or do a google search.
Whammo I’ve seen that warning on chain saws that ** Crunchy Frog** mentioned. It’s for real. eek.
On Preperation H----do not ingest orally
Thinking of the pucker THAT would cause…
Holding a plastic (paper or?) supermarket bag on my lap as I type that says ** Caution: Keep this plastic bag away from small childre. The thin film may cling to nose and prevent breathing.**
A warning AND a rationale. Luckily, I’m not a small child.
“Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.”
I think I may know where this comes from. A kid I went to H.S. with decided it would be funny to put a Roman Candle in his mouth while it shot the little fireballs out. It backfired, and one of the fireballs shot into his mouth. He ended up in the hospital for a while, but last I heard he could still swallow, talk, etc…
My favorite warning?
On a bottle of Demerol, (the stuff they give you to knock you on your butt before/during/after surgery) Do not operate motor vehicles or heavy machinery.
Who in the world is going to pop a couple of those babies and be able to walk, much less get the tractor to the tractor pull?
{smacking head in disbelief}
Skerri
McD’s kept their coffee much hotter than was reasonable. The plaintiff suffered 3rd degree burns over 6% of her body and required 8 days of hospitalization and treatment. This was not a frivolous lawsuit. See http://www.lectlaw.com/files/cur78.htm for more info or do a google search.
In further interest of eradicating ignorance, the local news here in Philly shortly after the incident bought coffee at various fast food restaurants and took their temperatures. McD’s had the lowest temperature of any tested.
[rant] It was a frivulous lawsuit and only the cash happy juries of Philadelphia would hand out money for it. [/rant]
I don’t know about the genitals warning, having never seen it myself, but I have seen the warnings on chainsaws here in the USA that warn not to stop the chain with your hands.
Here’s some warnings I saw on a humor page. I don’t know how true these ae, but they’re funny nonetheless:
Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice
("Hey, Martha, look! I can curl my nose hairs! ARRGH!! OH JESUS, THE PAIN!!!)
On a bottle of spray paint: “Do not spray in your face.”
(Then how else am I going to get half my face blue for my Braveheart costume this Halloween?)
On a container of lighter fluid: WARNING: Contents flammable!
(Whoa! Thank God for that warning, I almost lit a cigarette with this stuff. That could’ve been a calamity!)
On a Band-Aid box: “For serious injuries, seek medical attention.”
(“What’s that Lassie? Timmy’s hand was torn of by a bear? Oh, that’s ok girl, we’ll just slap a Band-Aid on it.”)
Next time I go to the store I’m checking out all the Band-Aid boxes for this one.
On a can of powdered infant formula: “Mix with water before serving.”
(But I’ve just been spoon-feeding it dry to my neice for last last 3 months! She doesn’t seem to mind and she makes the cutest little faces as it clumps in her mouth!)
On Clorox Fresh Care: (for cleaning out odors from fabric) “Safe to use in households with pets Warning: Fresh Care is NOT intended to be sprayed directly on pets.”
(Damn, this dog smells bad! No, don’t wash him, conserve that water. Just pray him with this bleach, that’ll do it.")
WARNING: Keep out of the reach of children under 6 years of age. If you accidentally swallow more than is used for brushing, seek professional assistance or contact a poison control center immediately.
And exactly how much is too much, pray tell?
Gaaak, do I even want to put this stuff near my mouth?
But can you imagine this scene:
Ring… Ring… Ring…
“911, what is your emergency?”
“I need Poison Contro…, er, an ambulance! I think I swallowed some toothpaste!”
“Just relax Sir, we’ll be sending the police over instead…”
I just moved, and as such had to put out a lotta money for new stuff.
I came across a warning on a knife set I bought:
“Warning: Knives are sharp”
I’m so glad I read that. I might have tried to cut something with them!
Ginger
This one isn’t all that funny, but it has a certain straighforward honesty which appeals to me:
On Chinese fireworks:
Light fuse and get away.
“Step Up.”
What gets me is the hairdryer-Do not use in shower. Um, besides being dangerous, wouldn’t that be counterproductive? I mean, you’d be trying to dry your hair, but the water would get it wet anyways?
Still, some warnings should be there. You know those little tea lites? Well, my advisor had a little get together for us history majors and some of the faculty. I’m standing in the kitchen, with my back to the sink, talking to one of my professors, when all of a sudden I feel this HUGE rush of heat on my back and this big bright light followed by this WHOOSH sound. I SHOT across the kitchen. It seems Dr. Brett didn’t read the warning on the tea lites- Do Not Extinguish with Water. I was lucky my hair didn’t catch on fire!
I still tease him about that.
This isn’t one of those afraid-of-getting-sued warning, just kinda odd:
On a box of cat litter: “Safe for use around pets.”
Oh, good, I was gonna fill the litter box and then move it away from the cats because I thought it might be dangerous. Whatever.
**
What’s really scary is the thought that the warning is only there because some idiot actually did try to use it in the shower.
“Oh No! How In God’s Name Do I Get DOWN?!?!”