I was at Wally World yesterday and saw a 3 liter of Sprite. On top of the label in big bold letters it said “50% MORE THAN A 2 LITER!!” WOW! I mean is this really necessary? It’s not like you’re getting 50% more for the same price, just 50% more.
“A quiescently frozen desert”
What did you do, sneak up on it while it was sleeping and freeze it?
I recently bought some marbles for a friend. You know marbles. Those little pretty glass spheres that you shoot and stuff.
Any way they were in a CLEAR plastic jar with a lable stating the name of the product “CLASSIC MARBLES”. But the fine print read and I kidd you not
Really! Is thats what in there?
Just got a big screen t.v. The user manual warns me not to hook it up “in or near water.”
A candle I just purchased says “WARNING: To extinguish the candle, blow out the flame. Always keep candle away from flamable materials.”
Rectal suppositories: “Not for use in the eye”
On a can of tomatoes: Open Can with Can Opener.
I don’t even want to imagine how they thought I might open it if I had not been properly instructed.
On a four-litre jug of water I just bought: “Natural spring water”. Well, duh.
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I bought an insulated travel mug, which as you might suspect is sold empty. It has an imprinted statement on the top which warns that the contents may be hot.
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My new hair dryer has a Ground Fault Circuit Interruptor on its cord (one of them newfangled thingies they use to cut power if the appliance gets “grounded”, say, by dropping it in water). Not only does it come with a warning to test the GFCI before every use, but it also comes with a warning not to use the dryer within cord’s reach of any water source. In other words, you can’t use the hair dryer in the bathroom without violating the usage instructions.
Okay, so the oatmeal we buy has little trivia questions and fun facts about dinosaurs. Seems like a pretty hard topic to mess up, right?
Until I got to yesterday’s question.
“True or false: Dinosaurs are only found in the US.”
Aargh! I wanted to tear my hair out. Do they really consider me to be that stupid?
I bought a stack of CD cases that proudly proclaimed that they “become portable when carried!”
Really. Imagine that. What will they come up with next?
A few years ago, I bought a Dremel tool. It’s a fine product - a little rotary tool with interchangable bits for drilling, sanding, buffing, cutting, etc. Imprinted on the inside of its case is:
" This is not a dental tool "
Ewwwwwwwwww.
The instruction manual for my Conair hair dryer contained the following warning:
“do not use appliance while sleeping.”
I refuse to believe this.
“Warning: may contain traces of peanuts” on a SNICKERS bar is all I’ve got. You know, just in case you missed the whole point of a Snickers bar.
I saw the same warning - on a packet of peanuts!
I’m sitting hear sipping on a can of diet Pepsi Twist, the lemon flavored Pepsi. Says on the side of the can: “contains no juice.” Ummmm…don’t know how the lemon flavor gets in, but I have always suspected that a cola would “contain no juice.”
My wife has this thingy for doing hair. kind of a foot long plastic hair pin. I believe it’s meant to do some kinda fancy braids.
It somes in a paper sleeve, like chopsticks. The sleeve bears the helpful warning “For external use only” She brought it to a Douglas Adams book signing in Seattle and got his sig.
He said, “You’re a very sick woman.” and “Americans.” in an exhasperated voice as she walked away.
hehe
And for the full list of (probably apocryphal) labels, go here amonst other places.
Or better still, here.
Woolworths used to sell an aerosol can of, I assume, air freshner that was called “Good Luck Spray” and there was mention of playing bingo and the lotto on it, among other things. It also had the disclaimer : “Has no supernatural powers”.