I’ve seen many consumer products with precautions and warnings lately. Many of them are needed, such as the “do not let in to streams” warnings on ant and wasp sprays. But there are some that qualify as “you are a moron if you need this warning.”
My favorite warning is “do not drink” on window cleaning fluid. Gee, I was about to have a nice, tall glass of window cleaning fluid! Thanks for the warning! :rolleyes:
What’s next, “FLAMMABLE” warnings on candles? Sheesh!
My Windmere hair dryer says:
“To reduce the risk of death by electric shock:
2. Do not place or store where dryer can fall or be pulled into tub, toilet or sink”
I suppose if I were drying my hair while standing on the toilet with the lid up, there might be a chance that my foot would slip and both my foot and the dryer would end up in the drink.
Have you ever seen that Visa commercial where the young couple (presumably a genuinely nice guy with his pregnant wife) is looking for just the right shade of orange house paint, the natural assumption being that they want everything to be perfect for the new baby? This sweet looking pregnant woman ends up in the stands at a football game, face painted just the perfect shade of orange shouting “kill him” or words to that effect at the field.
If you watch the bottom of the screen, you see the following warning:
Impressive, I tell ya.
Seen on a bag of peanuts (the type you get on an airplane):
WARNING: May contain nuts.
My electric blanket has a generic boilerplate warning sheet that adds “do not operate while sleeping”.
My lawnmower directions say “Do not use indoors”.
And I wanted to get rid of that nasty long shag…
My BB Gun said: Do not fire in eyes
My lawnmover has nice color illustrations of a man getting his figners ripped off.- Do not touch blades.
My favorite though is the hot water heater that says- boiling water may scald. Apparently jagged red lines mean that the man’s hand was scalded.
I have a window shade that pulls across the windshield to block out the sun. In a large warning, it tells me not to drive with the shade pulled across the windshield. Duh, like I couldn’t figure this out myself? 
“This plastic bag is not a toy.”
your humble TubaDiva
On a scarf–a scarf–“one size fits most.” I tell you, I didn’t dare buy that one. What if my neck was too thick.
I know why the warning exists, but I still think it’s common sense that when I order a coffee, “The beverage [I’m] about to enjoy is extremely hot.”
The instructions that came with my stereo included the safety tip–“Do not lose these instructions. Keep them in a place you can find if you need them later,” but the funny part is, there’s this little illustration of a man putting his safety instructions in a place where he can find them later. Like I needed some visual aids on that one.
On a package of hard, waxy vaginal suppositories: “Not for use in the eye”
I’m surprized they had to add “except by consumer” to the “do not remove this pillow content tag” tag.
On an electric Halloween decoration:
“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
We can have dozers out and barricades and flags and flagmen and orange cones, and flares,
And some dudes still want to know if the road is closed.
Keep out of Reach of Children
No shit. Have you seen how filthy kids get?
…I did a double take when I read it. I got some snacks as a free gift when I bought something and on the back of the bag it said, “Avoid exposure to sunlight”. I’m afraid to try them!
Most cigarette lighters will warn you, “Keep away from sources of heat or flame.”
There’s a whole list of these going aroung e-mail somewhere…
Perhaps not exactly what you were looking for, as it predates much consumer litigation that spawned the everywhere warnings, but one of my all time favorites was an orange sticker that came on a Ghost bass drum pedal I purchased almost 30 years ago.
It’s position precluded use of the pedal until it was removed and it said:
PLEASE READ AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND THESE INSTRUCTIONS.
Admittedly, their target market was rock’n’roll drummers.