The only way you can do this is to tell people this if they ask you directly. Perhaps mention it to a chatty friend or two? If you’re lucky, it’ll make its way thru the grapevine. But there’s no way you can tell someone what to give you (yeah, I know you’re not soliciting a gift here) If you get a gift, you thank the giver. That’s about all you can do.
My suggestion: tell your parents and your honor attendants your wishes. Those are the people who usually get hit up for gift suggestions. Just tell them that in lieu of gifts, contributions can be made to XYZ Charity. If anyone insists on getting you a gift, have your “contacts” recommend American Express gift cheques - which you can then turn around and donate to the charities of your choice if you so choose.
May not be proper etiquette, but it beats the hell out of trying to return personalized silver gift trays … And you might be surprised how many people will actually honor your wishes.
Of course, Doebi, some people will want to give you something tangible. Nay, they will INSIST on giving you something tangible, whether you want it or not. Something you can use for the rest of your lives, like some nice crystal candlesticks, or a china clock for that mantel you don’t have, or a lovely picture frame covered with cherubs and a poem about the joys of being joined together in the eyes of God.
If you don’t want all this stuff, it might be well to go through and think about anything you guys want to upgrade or redecorate and register for that, then donate anything you replace to charity. You, of course, still limit yourself to sharing that info with those who ask, and you can say something like, “Well, we’d really prefer for people not to spend their money on us, but if you want to, there are some charities we really like. Or if you’re uncomfortable making a donation, we registered for a handful of things at X.”
Doebi, Skip and I had the same idea . . .
Not to poop on your parade, but we were told by a couple of people who’d tried that that it doesn’t really work. Like CrazyCatLady said, people are going to give you gifts anyway. They might make a donation as well, but generally they’ll want to get you guys something, too.
I think it’s a good idea to register for some “upgrades” as well. Skip and I, for example, each had a toaster, but we ended up with a really cool one. Similarly, I already had a coffeemaker, but now I’ve got a COFFEEMAKER.
This gives us, among other things, two perfectly lovely toasters and a coffeemaker to donate to charity ourselves.
Ohhhh. a cherub covered picture frame. I hadn’t thought of that one. Think it will go with my Phil Foglio prints?
Thanks for the suggestions. Maybe it’s time to start identifying all my “chatty” friends.
I think they’ll look just smashing together. That kind of thing goes with any decor, you know.
You’ll still probably get a few odds and ends like that, of course, but spreading the word about the charities and registry should help minimize them. We just got a couple of crystal bowls; a friend of mine didn’t register and got inundated with that kind of crap. She got so many picture frames, candlesticks, and mantel clocks (14 of them; she’s never lived anywhere with a mantel in her entire life) that she did most of her shopping for wedding gifts under her own bed for nearly 4 years.
(Yeah, regifting is somewhat tacky, but she did at least make sure that she didn’t return any gifts to their original givers, and it all looked like it had just come from the store. There is at least that.)