Reception *and Shower* following ceremony. . . ?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So my mom just received an invitation to a wedding. It had the standard wedding invite lingo and all, but at the bottom, where a wedding invitation sometimes says, “Reception to follow,” it said, “Reception and Shower to follow.”

And in the spirit of mundane pointlessness, I’m wondering how that’s going to work.

Does it mean that the guests will enjoy finger food, cake, punch AND the privilege of watching the happy couple open their gifts (which is sometimes the MO at a shower)?

Does it mean “Bring your gift with you” (since guests do not always bring a gift to a wedding, but usually do bring a gift to a shower)?

Does it mean that after the ceremony, the bride and groom will be shucking their clothing and heading to the nearest bathroom for a mutual scrub-down and a few verses of “Rubber Duckie”?

I wonder.

Can’t wait to see how it turns out.

2

Maybe they’re planning to test their new weather-control device, causing a short, light rain after the wedding. Yeah, I know, and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.

That sounds like a really…interesting wedding reception, there. I can’t wait to hear about how it turns out.

3

Sounds to me like someone is taking a wedding to a new, tacky low…

4

CCL, I know that you participated in jeevmon’s pit thread about people who bring extra guests to a wedding. You know, the one that sort of spun off into a debate about proper wording on a wedding invitation (though I don’t remember if you entered that particular debate).

So here’s another one for ya.

This invitation was actually addressed to AEMama and family.

In light of the fact that my mom’s family consists of three adult daughters, two of whom are married and none of whom actually live in her house (she lives alone), I wonder what these people intended “and family” to mean . . . ?

The three daughters and their two spouses . . . ?

The daughters alone (these people know that two of us are married, but don’t actually know our spouses) . . . ?

According to my mother, it seems to mean her AND ME. Because it says “and family”, she insists, I will have to attend.

Yet my sisters do not.

OK, OK, one of them lives out of state, so I’m sure nobody expected her to come, but one of them lives even closer to Mom than I do, and she’s not married!

Yet she is off the hook.

I don’t understand.

5

Question (Stupid ones):

Was there a shower given before the wedding?
Is the bride already pregnant?
Could it be for someone else?(probably not)

6

FCM, that’s kinda what I (and I’m guessing CCL as well, what with the whole “interesting” euphemism) was thinking.

My mom is going to call the grandmother of the bride and ask exactly what it means, in case she’s supposed to be doing something that’s not typical protocol (like bringing an umbrella and soap on a rope to the wedding).

7

I don’t know, YES (I’d forgotten that!), and I doubt it.

Sekhmett, I think you may have solved the mystery! Of course,

a) this is the bride’s 3rd or 4th child–do you get showers for EVERY child?

b) I don’t even think that this is her first child by the groom-to-be . . .

c) . . . though it IS her first marriage, so perhaps a shower for an unmarried mama-to-be is not considered appropriate (though I don’t see why not) . . . ?

d) and what if not everybody knows that she’s pregnant and so doesn’t know that baby gifts are welcome, too?

e) besides, is a wedding invitation really the place to be inviting people for a baby shower?

8

Sounds like an all-new tacky low. I started hating weddings the first time I went to one and the bride and groom were dancing with the guests for a dollar a dance. Does this mean they’ll give lap dances for $10?

Fortunately for me, all my friends have either done the deed or sworn off the whole wedding thing entirely–of course, the idea of a brand-spankin’ new quisinart does seem to change people’s minds rather quickly.

So, when is this blessed event, and will you give us all the Springer-esque details of it?

9

Hmm… a wedding, a reception and a shower. Hell, why not throw in a couple of strippers (one of each sex) and have a bachelor/bachelorette party at the same time? Now that’d be a party!

Sheesh, and I was appalled when I received a wedding invite that said we already have everything we need, so envelopes are requested in lieu of gifts. Actually I still am appalled.

Etiquettehell.com will never run out of material.

10

That’s just tacky. It sounds like they’re trying to get double the gifts.

11

So, how come you’re the only one who has to go? If you have to go, so does your sister, unless your mother doesn’t count her as family. (Wait, were you living with your mom for a while before you guys got married? “And family” is usually referring to all the members of a household, so maybe that’s why she’s thinking it means just you two.) In any event, nobody is ever under an obligation to attend any function just because they were invited.

The shower in question may very well be a baby shower rather than anything wedding-related. Usually baby showers are just for the first kid (sometimes the second, too, but most people draw the line after that), but I’ve never known that to stop people who are, well, crass enough to throw a shower for themselves.

The marital status of the mother-to-be is not an issue when holding a baby shower, at least not in modern society. There was a time when premarital pregnancy was a shameful burden, but those days are pretty much over, and good riddance. (Although I admit that I’m old-fashioned enough to still look a little askance at people who have multiple “baby daddies” without ever tying the knot. It’s judgemental and probably silly, but I never claimed to be perfect.)

And no, a wedding invitation is NOT the place to be inviting people to any sort of shower. For one thing, it’s inappropriate to throw gift-giving parties for yourself. It makes you look greedy. If you’re going to get hard-core about the etiquette thing, it’s inappropriate for someone in your family to throw such a party either. For another thing, it is inappropriate to mention gifts in any way in a wedding invitation. (Yes, yes, I know some people love the registry cards in invitations, but I’m talking about traditional etiquette, not some people’s preferences.) It is also inappropriate for anyone but the host/hostess to invite people to any sort of gathering (unless, of course, you are specifically given permission to bring extra folks along).

By including shower invites with her wedding invitations, she’s either hosting her own shower, or issuing invitations to someone else’s party. Either of these are inappropriate under any circumstances, doubly so when done in conjunction with a wedding invitation.

12

I hate everything about formal weddings in America today. I’m so glad we did the Vegas thing. Then, sammichs in our yard six months later. It was simple, fun, and no mystery invitations. I highly recommend it.

13

I hate everything about formal weddings in America today. I’m so glad we did the Vegas thing. Then, sammichs in our yard six months later. It was simple, fun, and no mystery invitations. I highly recommend it.

14

CrazyCatLady:

I did live with my mother for about a year when I first moved back home. Then I bought a house. And that was almost four years ago. FWIW, I told my mother that I wasn’t going. I was dying of curiosity about the whole reception/shower thing, but not really enough to spend a whole afternoon with people I don’t really know all that well. And FTR, I’m sure my mother knows that it’s perfectly OK to politely decline a wedding invitation, but for some reason, she still tries to convince me that I’m somehow obligated when I’m somewhat haphazardly (in other words, in an “and family” way) included in some of these things.

As for the marital status of a mother-to-be, I hear you (I mean, if you need baby stuff, you need baby stuff, right?), but truthfully, the bride’s family is quite disgusted with her. IIRC, she has kids by two different men (one of whom she’s about to marry), both of whom were long-term, financially stable, live-in relationships for her. So really, it’s not like she’s screwing all over the planet; it’s more like she’s a divorcee who is about to marry again–only without having to get out of a legal entanglement with the first guy.

Quite frankly, I don’t get why everyone is so uptight. I personally would rather have this bride for a daughter than to have my own sister, who got married specifically because she wanted to have kids, and is now stuck in perpetual poverty with a husband who doesn’t work (and a non-working BIL who lives on their couch) so that my mother, sister, and I are constantly sending alms. I told my mother that if I had to choose, I’d much rather have an UNmarried daughter who makes good money, owns a home, and can afford to take care of her own children!

But I digress.

At any rate, because the bride’s family is so disgusted with her, I don’t see them sharing the happy news of her latest unwed pregnancy with a whole lotta folks (which means that quite a few people may be confused about the shower part). But then again, maybe there aren’t a whole lotta folks invited to this shindig.

Hey swampbear, what kind of envelopes did you end up giving to the happy couple? Window envelopes? Security envelopes? Ivory laid? :wink:

15

That’s exactly the thought that occurred to me.

16

My impression is that an invitation to “reception and shower” means that the attendees are going to be taking a bath for the event.

This invite goes to Etiquette Hell, under “Gimme, Gimme!”

17

The whole problem with Etiquette Hell, Scuba_Ben, is that I get all wrapped up in the stories every time I go there to make a contribution. :wink:

18

Call me old-fashioned, but I think it’s inappropriate to draw attention to one’s pregnancy at one’s wedding.

19

dang I was really hoping it was the bride and groom get naughty in a shower for the enjoyment of the guests …
you know, sorta a strippers wedding!

Like that Way better than the, “Oh, and by the way, bring us baby stuff along with our wedding stuff!”

But I can beat it … a close friend’s sweety passed away about 5 months after their wedding. (They’d been together for years, but had actually postponed the wedding so the bride’s nephew would be big enough to star as ring-bearer) …
Several members of her family requested their wedding gifts back …“Since we were thinking of her when we bought it, it will be a sweet reminder of her …” The wife of the Bride’s brother threw a hissy fit till she got back the art print they’d given the bride 3 years earlier …“Because her (the bride’s) mother really should have it, now, it was from family…”

does that rate a place etiquette hell?

20

Wyatt:

:eek:

Yes. Start writing.