My girlfriend’s cousin is having a “wedding” and a “reception” next month that we just got an invite for. There is to be a shower and all that fun stuff. Here’s the thing: They’re been married for 10 years already. They went to a Justice of the Peace back in 1996 and just did a quickie nuptials, and didn’t have all the other stuff. Now they’re doing all of the stuff that they didn’t before, so……
I’m calling bullshit on this one as a greed maneuver. They have kids, and a house and cars and aren’t hurting for anything at all. If someone wanted to have an anniversary party, that’s one thing, but having the full blown wedding experience 10 years after the fact and expecting gifts and money seems beyond tacky, almost to the point of embarrassing. You had a window, and you missed it. Am I off on this, or is this rather strange?
Sounds like fishing for gifts to me. Did they actually put “weddng” in the invite and not “renewal of vows”? 'Cuz a renewal of vows in honor of their 10th anniversary and a party I could definitely see. A bridal shower is definitely uncalled for though.
The shower thing has gotten so overblown these days, anyway. Even for young couples who are marrying for the first time. It used to be a few close friends of the bride helping her get things she needed to set up a new home. Now it’s multiple elaborate affairs, to which everyone that the bride, groom, brides mother, etc. has ever met are invited, even if the couple are older, and have been living together for years. And apparently it’s running over to couples who have actually been married for years.
I agree that a renewal of vows to celebrate a 10th anniversary is a suitable occasion for a nice party, buth this sounds like people who just realized, 10 years too late, that they missed out on all the booty that goes with a traditional wedding, and are trying to make up for it.
They’re hardly alone in their greediness; check out Etiquette Hell.
Planning my wedding was enough trouble and stress- I can’t imagine why anyone would have a wedding if they weren’t actually getting married and had family members who’d expect that sort of thing.
I had been living on my own for several years before I got married, so I didn’t let anyone throw me a bridal shower (plus I hate being the center of attention, I hate opening gifts when people are watching, and I hate shower games with the fury of 10[sup]11[/sup] suns).
Ivylad and I didn’t have a wedding. It was a quick thing at the courthouse, and we didn’t invite any family. He was joining the Navy, and we had to get it done fast.
Now, 17 odd years later, I still regret not being able to have the dress/dance/flowers/ceremony/Dad walking me down the aisle/throw the bouquet thing.
I would love to throw a wedding, but no way in hell would I ask for gifts. We have most everything we need and I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone for anything other than their presence.
Why else would they throw a shower? Yes, it’s rather tacky. If they didn’t want gifts they could certainly put “No gifts, please” on the invitation.
That being said, if your girlfriend was close to her cousin she should have sent a gift ten years ago. Just because someone elopes doesn’t mean that gifts and cards aren’t appropriate and (undoubtedly) much appreciated.
Well there was a registry list included with the invite, so unless they just wanted to share the fact that they like the chafing dishes at Crate and Barrel I’m assuming gifts are part of the plan.
Good point. My girlfriend’s mother was the godmother of the groom, and as a family (she was 18 ten years ago) they gave several hundred dollars at the time of the orignal matrimony, and apparently have given other “help out” money when they were just getting started, all those 10 years ago.
Well, they could call it a shower, but doesn’t mean they’re trolling for gifts. It could be an excuse for silly party games and store-bought cake with nasty icing.
However, upon preview, I see that Cluricaun says there is a registry list included. That is beyond tacky for a couple married 10 years. I hope some family member will save them some embarrassment by taking them quietly aside and saying, "Ya know…’
Let me start by saying I think having a shower and expecting wedding gifts is pretty tacky for a couple married a decade.
However, the concept of “trolling for gifts” suggests that the point of all this is to get gifts. I don’t think that’s the case. Receptions are usually pretty damn expensive. I don’t know about anyone else, but I had my wedding on the (semi) cheap at a coffee house instead of a wedding hall, and still spent a damn fortune. If they’re doing a standard hall, I’d bet dollars to donuts that they would get more stuff by just spending the dough on themselves.
I think the goal is to give themselves the “wedding experience” not to get gifts. Still tacky, though.
That’s really bizarre. I can’t imagine the thought process that went into them making this decision. Are they weird in other ways? I still think it would have been okay for them to invite friends and family to a vow renewal ceremony, but without the shower. I doubt people would feel obligated to bring gifts to a renewal of vows.
We go to our fair share of wedding, sometimes two a month lately, and the invitation arrived and appears no different in wording or presentation than any of the other myriad invites we get. This is not, at least explicitly, being brought off as a renewal of vows.
I don’t think we’re “missing” anything. I think we’ve sussed it out correctly.
Not really. They’re actually kind of distant. My girlfriend is part of a very large extended family, most of whom reside in and around the Chicagoland area. Family events are frequent and large, and I think I’ve met them once. They seemed like nice people ( I love my girlfriends family, they’re really great people) so it’s just….odd.
