Reclusive

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I like reclusive weekends. I send my days amongst lots of people, rushing about, chatting all day long.

My bf is the same, I suppose, as a web-developer he fits into a cliche.

This weekend my friend is coming past my neck of the woods to go to a wedding. My bf doesn’t want to meet him. It’s my bf’s house, his name is on the mortgage, he has every right to say this - but…I’be been dating my bf for 3 years and he hasn’t met any of my friends.

I’m not sociable, to the point of being a bit of a hermit sometimes, and I like that my bf and I understand each other’s need for solitude.

…I just wish I could invite my buddy over for a quick tea.

Do you relate to this, anyone?

2

I don’t relate, sorry. A few thoughts:

1.)If you two live together, you two should have equal say WRT who gets to visit. It doesn’t matter if it’s his name on the lease.

2.) If he can’t just grin and bear it on this one off occasion, I’d say your relationship has issues.

3.) Three years and he hasn’t met any of your friends? Have you met any of his? Because that there is WAY beyond weird.

Best wishes.

3

I must take issue with this. I know it’s “common knowledge” that there’s something wrong with solitary people, but that’s just the way some people are put together. Unless it stems from some sort of social phobia, it’s ok.

4

Your statement is a bit extreme. Living a solitary or *shared *solitary life is fine…no one is saying that’s WRONG. I live alone and prefer my own company over most other people’s. But after three years, **never **meeting each other’s friends? Not good. **Doesn’t mean **you have to socialize a lot or throw parties, have people over every weekend or anything like that. Are they going to meet the friends for the first time at the funeral?

5

Gosh, what a reactive comment!

Solitary lives are actually very common. People I visit, while working, live largely solitary lives for numerous reasons. Some people are lonely, yes, but other are not. You could label them all ‘beyond weird’, too - if you wanted to.

Couples live together for all sorts of reasons, my boyfriend is very solitary, but has friends at work that he occasionally goes out with, but they never come back here. I have met them briefly, yes. They’re fun - but I don’t make an effort. Plus, my friends live YEARS away, and it’s such a pain in the arse to travel to them.

Anyway, by the time the WE comes around, I’m usually happy just to get on with life without seeing people. This has been the norm now for a couple of years - partly because most of my undergrad buddies now live on the other side of the world, but also because I just can’t be arsed to travel, and am happy in my own company.

It’s become normal - which, yes, is bad of me - but I wouldn’t say this is so grossly weird. Although you would :wink: hehe.

It’s cool. I have a hunchback, too. I wander around muttering ‘The bells, the bells’.

No. What I mean is, does anybody else live a solitary life with their partner? And, if so, how do you negotiate being sociable? It happens my buddy is a very confident, extrovert sort - one that many introverts might not be in the mood for.

…I can totally understand where my BF is coming, but it’s tricky sometimes because I’m less introvert than he is.

Oh, I dunno. It seems to me being introverted is viewed as being a kind of sickness. Maybe it is.

Thanks though, buddy. I appreciate the dogmatic responce

6

I can relate to being very introverted and preferring your own (or each other’s) company, especially after a work-week full of talking to lots of people.

That said, it does seem a little strange that after 3 years you have had hardly any contact with his friends and he has had no contact with yours. But I do understand what you said about how it came about.

THAT said, it seems all the more a pity to pass up the opportunity of having your friend visit. So why don’t you both compromise a bit? Your friend comes over, your boyfriend sits with you both for a while and then leaves the two of you to catch up (he can even offer the excuse of being busy with something he has to finish). Obviously this would not work if you live somewhere like a studio apartment.

Alternatively, you could go somewhere with your friend outside the house, for a ride or a meal or something.

My main point is that I think you should be able to have a visitor at your home without the bf being a part of the visit if he doesn’t feel comfortable with it.

7

Hmm, I do agree that i should have my own buddies visit. Totally. He’s being a dick for sure. I just think I sorta let it slide by being so lazy. I like not socialising.

I probs look like a right weirdo now. I did used to be very sociable, honestly. Socialising left, right, n centre. I even played sport.

Then I just stopped bothering and started sitting in my pants watching south park… It’s been a terrible decline into a contended sort of isolation.

Oh I dunno. Whatever. Obs given off a totally weird and down trodden vibe here.

I’ll just meet him in the pub, anyway,

8

Sounds to me like your “terrible decline” is because of your boyfriend. If you like socializing some, then do. Why let solitude become isolation?