Recommend a Manly moisturiser

My mother swears by Crisco. Is that manly?

Bag Balm contains an antibacterial agent (I think) with a powerful penetrating smell; I can’t abide the stuff. There are some other products intended for livestock that aren’t as nasty, except for their names: Udderly Smooth is one. KMart sells that one, or used to.

If it’s just the girly scent you object to, look for unscented moisturizers, like Eucerin. I look for them myself; I hate a lot of girly smells, and I’m female. True, fragrance-free lotion is often labeled as being for “ultra-sensitive” skin or “hypoallergenic” or something else that isn’t very rugged. But if no one can smell you’re using it, why not just hide the bottle?

Vaseline intensive care? Oil of Olay? Bah! Don’t listen to them, man! You’ll end up a metrosexual.

Get a barrel of waste oil to keep outside your garage. Dunk your head in before you go out. An occasional roll in the mud adds a zesty undertone to the scent.