My wife and I have decided after 2 years of unsuccessfully trying to have children to do a domestic adoption. We just completed our home study and now we are in the waiting pool and we are expecting to wait about 2 years. Meanwhile we are gathering as much information as we can about being adopted parts. There were a few good threads on the Dope about adoption experiences, and some hysterical pit threads about people badgering couples about when they were having children, but I haven’t seen any threads on adoption books. Do you have any recommendations? Two years is a long time, and my wife and I need things to read.
I mean parents, not parts! Ugh, I proofread it three times and still missed it. I guess I am never going to be a copy editor. :smack:
Here is a good source of info:
Can I just say…
as an adopted child…
And as someone who firmly believes there’s too many babies being born already.
I applaud your decision and wish you absolutely the best. You are doing a wonderful thing by giving your love and home to an adopted baby.
General Questions is for questions with factual answers. Since you’re looking for opinions, I’ll move this to IMHO for you.
DrMatrix - GQ Moderator
NoCoolSpouseName highly recommends Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray. It has 5 stars in Amazon reviews. I think I had better read it, too. (We have 3 adopted Chinese daughters.)
If you are adopting interracially, I HIGHLY recommend “Are Those Kids Yours” by Cheri Register. Easily the best and most helpful book in my adoption library.
“The Kid: What Happened When My Boyfriend and I Decided to Get Pregnant” by Dan Savage - as long as you aren’t too squeemish about the “gay thing” and don’t mind the constant parade of fat jokes. Its possibly the best book on adoption I’ve ever read. Gay men are possibly the utimate in infertile couples.
“I Wish You A Beautiful Life” is a book of letters from Korean birthmothers to their babies - mostly written while they are pregnant. I’m starting to tear up just thinking about it.
“Secret Thoughts of An Adoptive Mother” by Jena Wolfe. Honest moving and funny about a couple who adopts domestically and interracially.
“Raising Adopted Children” Recommended by others. I have one of both and I don’t find them that different to raise, so the book seemed to scream to me “hey, that isn’t an adoption problem - that’s my bio daughter!”
“Launching a Baby’s Adoption” - a good book for preperation.
If you are adopting internationally, I’d recommend books about the birth county - and cookbooks. Two years and you’ll be an expert and whipping up the traditional cuisine.
My husband is adopted and we just made a trip to his hometown of Pittsburgh and met his birth mother while we were there for a wedding. Here’s the thread explaining what happened when she found him this April. (He got a letter from her on his birthday).
After she contacted him he called the children’s home where he was cared for while waiting to be adopted to verify that she was who she said she was. They recommended this book . He bought it and read it before meeting with her and it helped to ease his anxiety a lot. I also read a few pertinent chapters and his adoptive mother has it now. It’s very well written and it helps to put things in perspective if you’re ever in this situation.
Dr. Spock is also good for babies and young children in general. As Dangerosa points out (hi, Dangerosa!) not all your issues are going to be adoption-related.
Good luck and God bless all three of you. Lots of Dopers with lots of adoption experiences - don’t hesitate to ask.
Shodan, adoptive father X 2
Thank you all for all of your recommendations and site links. Elenia28 thank you for the kind words, they made my wife’s day. We are going to start with Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew and Raising Adopted Children. After that we will check out some of your other recommendations.
before you delve too deeply into Dr. Spock (or mister spock) you might also consider Dr Sears books. And TouchPoints by Brazelton for more general child-rearing things.
That said, I liked “I’m Chocolate, you’re Vanilla” for inter-racial adoption.
ANother thanks for adoption … a number of my family is, and I’m glad there are people who do.