Regional e-mail brag jokes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I live in Iowa…so occasionally freinds will send me “Iowa-specific” jokes. I never really get to see what other parts of the country (or world) share in the same way of regional joking or bragging?

So how about it? What say you Texas or Georgia?..What do you joke about in Ohio or Kentucky? What do you brag about in Minnesota (snicker) ?

I’ll start off…I like #6

Attention Visitors

Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin: This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

  1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you’ll do all week at the gym. How’d you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

  2. It’s called a ‘gravel road.’ No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

  3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

  4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get your butt kicked…by our women.

  5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for…bait.

  6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

  7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

  8. The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks…and a dang sight more fun to watch.

  9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

  10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

  11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We’re real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

  12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.

  13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks–because they want to. So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.

  14. Yeah, we eat catfish–carp, too–and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.

  15. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstate 80 goes two ways-35 goes the other two. Pick one.

  16. The “Opener” refers to the first day of pheasant season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.

  17. So every person in every pick-up waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?

  18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

  19. No, we can’t shoot the doves. They’re song birds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that one.

  20. Yeah, we love Iowa’s down-home ways so enjoy your visit and then go home.

2

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

3

Ok, I’ll bite.

Originally from Northwest Indiana…so here is a classic:

You know you are from Indiana if:

1.You’ve never met any celebrities.
2.Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
3.“Vacation” means driving through Brown County or going to King’s Island.
4.You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
5.You measure distance in minutes.
6.Down south to you means Kentucky.
7.You know several people who have hit a deer.
8.Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.
9.Your school classes were canceled because of the heat.
10.You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
11.You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
12. You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better”.
13. You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.
14. Stores don’t have bags they have sacks.
15. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
16. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it-No matter what time of the year.
17. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition example: “Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with”.
18. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
19. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
20. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-o salad with marshmallows.
21. You carry jumper cables in your car.
22. You know what “cow tipping” or “possum kicking” is
23. You only own three spices: salt,pepper,and ketchup.
24. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
25. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
26. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
27. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
28. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but require six pages for sports.
29. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
30. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
31. You find -20 degrees F “a little chilly”.
32. You know if another Hoosier is from the southern, middle, or northern Indiana as soon as they open their mouth.
33. You know that Angel Mound was not made by Angels.
34. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Indiana friends.

4

This one’s pretty old, but …

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael, look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,” God continued, pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God. “That’s Minnesota, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets, and
rolling hills. The people from Minnesota are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the idiots I’m putting next to them in Iowa and Wisconsin.”

And beagledave? Because I liked your OP so much I’m not going to start in on the Iowa jokes :smiley:

5

Of course what’s really sad is that I got the same thing (well except for some of the town specific items) about Iowa last year…not that Iowa is like Indiana or anything…

6

Thanks…this thread would have turned ugly real quick then…I suspect we both have plenty of ammo stored up :smiley: