Over the past couple of years, there have been a few live action movies made based off of old cartoons. Scooby Doo, Josie and the Pussycats, Rocky and Bullwinkle…there’s a few more, I’m sure, but they all have one thing in common…They all suck.
Well, two things, actually. The second being some interesting reinvention of characters and storylines (like Daphny knowing wire fu?). So, here’s your chance to take an old favorite cartoon from your childhood (or adulthood, in some cases), and tell how you’d like to see it done as a live action movie. Okay, here’s mine…
The scene starts off with a nice tranquil shot of a forest near twilight. A little boy in loose fitting, earthy clothes like something a medieval peasant would wear, is playing in the woods, sword fighting imaginary adversaries with a stick. Suddenly, he hears a noise, and turning to a nearby bush, sees a little blue person come out into a small clearing. The boy’s fascinated, as the little blue fella makes cute little noises, summersaults, rolls around, and does other cutesy things. The little boy picks him up in the palm of his hand, and laughs as the little blue guy dances around. Hearing more noises, the little boy turns to see another little blue man on a nearby treebranch. Then another one appears to his left. Three more come out from the bushes. The little boy’s all giggles and excitement, until he notices that he’s now surrounded by about two hundred of the little things. Suddenly, the joy of finding interesting little playmates turns to terrified concern as he hears a low growl coming from his hand. He turns slowly, and looks at the little man standing on in his hand, who no longer looks cute and cuddly, but rather menacing with glowing red eyes. The camera cuts to a close up, as the little monster screams, reveals rows of razor sharp teeth, and lunges at the camera. The screen goes black, and in red, the letters are torn onto the screen:
SMURFS
You come to find out that this movie is not set in the past, but in a post-Apocolyptic 2147. At some point, years ago, scientists developed a bilogical weapon of devastating effect. Small little creatures that sweep threw cities, devouring anything that moves like a plague of locusts (only, they don’t fly, but still, very deadly). Although it was really the bombs and missles that made the world what it is today, these little bastards still ravage the countryside, traveling at night in swarms, destroying entire towns overnight. And nothing can stop them.
Or can it? During the war, virtually all records of the SMURFS and their developement was lost, save a few tidbits here and there. What is known, is that the current flock is the second experiment, and that knowledge may be mankind’s last hope. In the new capital, Chief Councilman, Chancellor Gargamel, has gathered together a team to seak out and find the original SMURF experiment, PAPPA SMURF, in order to study his biology in hopes of finding a way to destroy the evil infestation. The team is headed by Yojan, a young scientist with a super intellect, who is supported by his best friend, Pee-Wee, a seven foot hulk of a man who travels around with a giant mallet. They are accompanied by the shifty red headed Azriel, who uses his scyth with deadly precision, and other fighters with strange yet simple weapons. They travel into the heart of the wasteland to the location where it is believed the SMURF experiment began in hopes of finding the answer to help save their species. But can they do it in time?
This movie could be a lot of fun, because there’s so much you can do with a swarm of violent, aggressive little blue maneaters. A wonderful scene where a small carpet of them attacks a man, runs up his legs, forcing him to the ground. They swarm over him, and after about ten seconds, scatter off to reveal nothing but a messy skeleton. I envision a scene where a closet door is open, and a wall of the little bastards just collapses on the unsuspecting victim. They’re small (about three apples high), dark blue, wear black leather pants and hats (because everyone wears black leather in movies now), have beedy, glowing read eyes, and razor sharp teeth. They’re ruled by their queen, SMURFET, who is a huge, monstrous beast that births hundreds of SMURFS at a time by laying large eggs. Well, they look like eggs…big, blue balls covered in lumps. Only, the lumps are really just small SMURFS balled up. After a while, they all just fall off, fully grown and ready to eat.
It could have great gore scenes with PEE-WEE smashing swarms with his massive hammer, and AZRIEL cutting the little critters in half in huge waves. And the best part? Sean Connery as PAPPA SMURF. I’m telling you, it will be GREAT!!!
Anyone else got any ideas?
