Relationship advice needed re: college (long-ish)

Background: A year ago, I met a guy named Micah, with whom I had one excellent date, but for various reasons we weren’t able to see each other for a year afterwards.

He emailed me the Wednesday before last Thanksgiving, and we ended up going out again later that week. We’ve been seeing each other frequently since then, and are talking on the phone every night. Things have been moving somewhat quickly, and we’re getting pretty attached to each other.

Here is where the problem appears. We’re both high school seniors. I fell in love with a little private university in Oklahoma City and did early decision; I’ve already signed the papers and am obligated to go there. Micah, however, is only applying to four colleges: Washington University (St. Louis), the University of Chicago, Emory (Atlanta) and Drury (Springfield, MO). None of these places are less than six hours away from OKC. My first thought was that I should probably just end the romantic part of the relationship, and ask him if we can stay in touch and go out once in awhile as just friends.

But I just don’t frigging want to. I like him a LOT, and always have, even when we weren’t seeing each other. It seems silly to throw away six more months of dating (if all goes well) because it won’t work out on the end, but, on the other hand, I don’t want to get more attached and then have him move one direction while I head in another.

The particular colleges he chose also complicate things. They’re all very expensive (except Drury, which isn’t as much - about 15-18k yearly overall), and they’re all selective. He has good ACT scores and great essays, but I’m not sure if they’re enough to get everything paid for. His parents aren’t going to help out financially at all, so he’s on his own. Consequently, he’ll most likely end up at Drury, which is the closest one at six hours.

Now, I have a pretty big tolerance for driving. I live, work, and go to school in three different towns which are spread out across about 40 miles, and on the weekends I usually drive another 45 minutes to go out. Currently he’s two hours away from me, so I’m accustomed to that too. I know that, if we decided to make a go of it, we could meet somewhere in the middle (Tulsa?) and drive three hours each, but it would be a colossal pain in the ass for both of us.

So I’m stuck. I don’t have the slightest idea what to do. We’re supposed to go out this Friday, which I don’t want to do if this isn’t going anywhere. -But- if I ditch him, he’ll probably feel insulted and I’ll end up screwing myself over later.

Hopefully the Doper minds can come up with a solution. Thanks to all of you in advance.


Does it feel right? Go for it.

My opinion is that if you think he’s worth sticking with, than it’s worth giving it a try. Long distance relationships don’t always work, but that doesn’t mean you should just give up.

I can definitely feel your pain - my ‘flame’ lives some 400 miles from me, and driving is certainly not an option. Bussing 400 miles in this particular case is over $100. Yep, gotta figure out what to do there!

Good luck!

Don’t make any decision yet. You don’t want to break it off, you have what? Another 4-6 months before college. These things usually have a way of taking care of themselves. You may get to college and get so involved that you decide you don’t want to be commited to anyone. But by that time you’ll have enough activity in your life that the pain won’t be as much. Let the future take care of itself. Good luck.

Whoa girlie… you are getting WAY ahead of yourself.

Look at all the energy you are wasting on the “what ifs”.
enjoy the TODAYS in your life.
slow down and smell the flowers. Enjoy his company… enjoy the person he is… and just BE.

what did John say? “life is what happens while you’re making other plans”

Grelby - You have a point. I do think he’s worth quite a lot of effort, and even if the LDR doesn’t work out at least I won’t be kicking myself for not giving it a try.

ultress - You’re right. I have a tendency to panic about things, but they do always seem to work out more or less for the better. Relationships and the like seem magnified in High School when you’re floating along waiting for Senior year to end.

Mith - I’m not a girl, but I still like your advice. I shouldn’t let worries about the future taint my enjoyment of the present.

The date’s on for tomorrow night, and I’m just going to enjoy my time with a cute guy in the city. We’ll see what happens. Thanks to all of you for responding!

Boy, sailor, woman, mister, sir, lady, sunshine,

let us know how it goes!
best wishes

The best advice I can give you is to go ahead and enjoy yourself. What else do you have planned? Anyone else you date right now is going to be in the same boat, right?

Besides, every date doesn’t have to be some ‘Is he the ‘forever’ one? Is he my ‘true love’?’ thing. If you enjoy his company go ahead and enjoy his company.

An anecdote: The second half of my senior year in high school a new girl came into school, Linda. sigh We hit it off on the senior trip in March and hung out a lot together the rest of the year. We were both going to college the next fall (different ones) so when summer came around I sort of distanced myself even though she called me several times in June. We never even saw each other after graduation. Instead I just bummed around. My rationale was that nothing could come of it.

3 months without hanging out with someone I liked hanging out with just because I knew it ‘couldn’t last’. Dumbass me.

So enjoy your time, even if you know it can’t last. And then move on to school, watch your potential dating pool expand enormously (it will, I guarantee it) and see what comes of that.

FTR, I did meet the woman I’m married to second semester Freshman year. Life is full of strange twists and turns. And they can be enjoyable if you let them.

The advice so far is good. Don’t worry about the future yet; you’ve got time.

Besides, it’s easier than ever to remain in touch with people these days. You can IM to your heart’s content. It’s not the same as being there, but you can still keep the connection.

So enjoy your senior year together. Once you leave for college, stay in touch. If this is the real thing, it’ll work out. If not, it won’t. But don’t assume an outcome at this point.