relationship advice

I guess i feel ashamed asking this, but i don’t know where else to go.

Anyway, i am introverted. I think i am more an introvert than i am shy. How exactly am i supposed to meet people if i don’t want to talk to them? I don’t even talk to my family that much, why would i want to talk to a strange woman?

American culture has created this cult mythology that romance is the solution to all of mankinds ills, and that someone of the opposite sex can be your ‘rock’, i don’t see it that way. I don’t want to build my life around someone else, or feel incomplete without them. But due to neural wiring i desire women, but not on their terms (always hanging out with them, talking for hours on end all the time). I just want someone to talk to and hang out with every now and again.

I’ve thought of exclusively approaching introverted women as they would understand where i am coming from on this issue, but i figure they will be even more disinterested than run of the mill women.

I’m introverted. However, I find when I really like someone or enjoy their company, I want them around almost all the time. So, I suppose someone like me (although introverted) would be the opposite of what you’re looking for!

What about social butterflies? They won’t demand all your time. They won’t be clingy. They’ll be cool hanging out here and there because they have a fair-sized group of friends and therefore other things to do.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there, bud. Us introverted women demand much more than the run of the mill women out there. We actually expect you to ::gasp!:: enjoy our intellect and our quirky personality. We enjoy the journey of the relationship, not just the companionship. It’s been my experience that introverted women take far more maintenance than most. Besides, I don’t think you’d be too comfortable with someone who is quietly analyzing your every move and reading some great, mysterious deep meaning to it.

As for your own introversion, I’m sure there are areas in which you feel comfortable socially, things that you enjoy or are good at? I would start with that. Find some local clubs or organizations with similar interests. Online is a great place to start, because you can overcome a bit of your introversion.

I’ve found that introverts aren’t necessarily seen the way we think we are. I always thought that others didn’t approach me because they thought I was shy. It was somewhat of a shock to realize that others perceived me not as shy but as aloof. It doesn’t take much to let someone know you’re interested, but it does take a lot to muster up the conviction to take that first step.

i think i just find most interaction disinteresting & uncomfortable. I can be very introverted in a scenario where i am comfortable with peopel (i know them) and we are talking about something i find important. But having both happen at the same time is rare. I do not enjoy interacting with strangers and/or interacting about things i don’t find relevant.

that above post should say:
I can be very extroverted in a scenario where i am comfortable with people (i know them) and we are talking about something i find important.

I guess its offensive to people, but i don’t find small talk (which is 80% of communication) boring & disinteresting. I don’t like having to talk because people are uncomfortable with silence or to share every tidbit about life. I enjoy talking about more important stuff with people i feel comfortable with.

These people exist. Both genders. Probably on the SDMB.

Re: finding relevance: Sometimes people who have little interest in many aspects of life (reading, travel, news, art, theater, movies, sports, etc.) are the most boring. I think there is a difference between introversion and boredom. I tend to get bored easily. I have no advice. Just observation. Sounds like you should throw yourself into a situation of like minds; get together with people that like what interests you, whatever that is. Hmm. Perhaps this is advice? :dubious:

For a long time, I thought I was shy or introverted. As I grew a little bit, and became more aware of who I was and all that, I realized that I’m really smart, but I don’t express myself well. Please don’t think I’m being arrogant here, this is the first time I’ve ever brought this up in a conversation, and I don’t necessarily think it’s a good thing. Because I’m smart and think analytically, I find most conversation boring, but since I can’t express what I’m thinking very coherantly, I’m not comfortable with people who do interest me (I guess I’m intimidated that they will think I’m boring?) Because of this, I’ve only really had two good friends. I believe that people do think I’m a bit snobbish, but that’s not how I feel. I would like to be friendly, but some people want to be your best friend right away, and so I don’t give off the friendly vibes until I REALLY know someone. I engage in small talk because it’s what’s expected. I bring this up here, especially my thoughts about my own behavior, because it sounds like what you’re going through. It’s not much for advice, and I don’t know what to tell you, since I completely understand the wish for someone to talk to and hang out with now and again (not all the time). Those two friends I mentioned? They both live out of state. Not saying that if they needed me I wouldn’t hop on a plane to be there for them, they’re VERY good friends of several years.