Well I hope you know I trust you dopers with everything…now that I’ve entered my first real relationship (I’m 27 years old) I’d like some advice. I feel like a jerk asking but I’m trying hard to make the best decisions for my life, and I find talking about it on here always helps me. So yes If I seem like a jerk in this post let me know, but all I want is honest advice so I and my girlfriend can be happy however our relationship turns out.
Here’s the long winded story. I met this girl while working this summer. She came on to me and it was eventually revealed she had a boyfriend. She hemmed and hawed and was unsure for about 1 1/2 months. During this time we were seeing each other…we would kiss or cuddle with each other, but I imposed strict limitations (she wasn’t allowed to meet my family or my friends until she broke up with her boyfriend)
Eventually she did. It was a long time in the coming, even before she met me so I don’t feel awful about how we have begun. She barely spoke to her old boyfriend before and life was pretty mundane for her.
Now we have known each other for 4 months. We are official and things have until recently have been going very well. It has been a long distance relationship for us, we live about 2 1/2 hours away from each other. But we have texted and talked almost every night.
Lately, as now our relationship is “normal” (As in we are officially together) more questions have come into my mind as to whether this will be a very long term relationship.
Let me go through the positives:
She is a bright girl. We both like to read and she likes music like me. She practices every day and enjoys kids (I’m a teacher) Lots of common interests
She is kind and warm hearted: She bought flowers for my parents. What a sweetheart
She is pretty (yes shallow but it does make somethings nicer )
She isn’t a crazy party animal / socialite but she is sociable.
She likes exercise (though she can only do so much due to health problems)
Here are somethings I worry might be a problem one day.
Her job. She is a library technician, which according to my knowledge, is a fairly straight ahead job. I would like to see her have a career in her chosen field. She’s essentially doing secretary work, and I think with her brains she could be doing something more. She is 22 but is opposed to going back for more schooling. I worry about money. I think it is important, and I make quite a bit more than her. I don’t know how to deal with it.
Her philosophy of life is relaxation…which I think is pretty cool, but again I think sometimes it prevents her from being ambitious and trying to achieve exciting things.
I worry she dotes on me a bit too much. Sometimes she says she just lies around thinking of me…this only seems to happen on the weekends though. She has a fairly busy week and has lots of good friends.
She is so laid back I wonder sometimes if we will have enough to talk about as time goes on. I’m not sure we speak the same intellectual language (I want to talk abut the news, social issues, books, etc. It doesn’t seem we get that far usually)
I don’t know how well she will gel with my current friends, she has quite a different background. And on that note we haven’t hung out much in public situations due to the long distance thing. I don’t know how well we interact in public situations.
Ok…now as I read this I think some of the above reasons are silly, but I think for me the relaxation, ambition, and intellectual conversation are the biggest concerns.
So have at me dopers, I think I might be going crazy, but really I want to make the best decision for both me and my girlfriend. I find I have no time to sort my thoughts and figure things out! Life is so freaking busy! What are your thoughts?