I want to start by saying hello to everyone here. I’ve stumbled upon this message board as I was reading a thread about relationship problems in terms of having a partner you don’t consider equally intelligent or intelligent enough for your mental satisfaction.
As I was reading this thread where this guy was complaining about his wife and people having shared opinions , some being supportive on his divorce and others saying he doesn’t deserve his wife made me want to share my experience with you to get a sincere feedback, if possible.
To start, I’ll give some biographic information about myself: I’m an almost 22 year old guy in an undeveloped european country. When I was born, both my parents were in college years and when I was ten years old they divorced. In my family, everyone saw education a very important thing that means almost everything.
So, as you expected, I studied thoroughly until the point where my adolescence life became distructive. My mother tried to be a father and a mother at the same time; she did her best and always had faith in me.
I, then, failed her and start going out with the wrong people, start taking in recreational drugs as cocaine and mdma. I even had to repeat one year in highschool for the abscences I had.
After disappointing the entire family, and having a complete lack of trust from them I changed myself entirely. I got rid of all the bad influences in my life, started learning again. I was living an real make-over project: Changed my hairstyle, my clothes ( getting more serious ) , I scored in the top 1000 students with highest finishing highschool scores ( something like S.A.T.s in USA ).
I got myself in a state of mind where all I would look forward to is becoming a better person : having a better life, better girlfriend, better friends, better everything.
Having doing so, I’ve become more pretentious. I have went in casual relationships with a lot of women and never having the will to stay more than 1-2 months with each. Or so it was, until 2014 when I’ve met my actual girlfriend.
She is a very attractive woman, a part-time model. What made me so interested, I think ( because I am an very analytical person ) was the fact that she was so hurt and just finished an 3year relationship with her ex. She was so heart-broken that I’ve set a goal in my mind that I will make her terribly fall in love with me.
In just one month I’ve met all her family, moved in with her, did a lot of romantic gestures that could be considered part-grand gestures and I nagged about her behavior. She is an ill-tempered person, being very susceptible to aggressive impulses because of her emotive self. She had a lot of fights in her family and psychologically it’s easy to observe she has an daddy issue going on.
Nevertheless she has a list of qualities as well ( as any of us have ) being a very thoughtfull, caring girl , her first priority being getting happily married and having a kid
I started wondering if I am not a kind of person who isn’t satisfied with his situation in any given point of his life because:
At first I was complaining she doesn’t love me as much as she should or as she loved the other guy ( when I was treating her in a way that guy never treated her - the guy had a foul language, was aggresive and distructive to her - He was an 23 old guy and she was 16 y old when they hooked up. [ absurd to me , when I think about it ] .
Then 3 months in our relationship she saw him and chose me instead of him. I caught her meeting with her and I told her I don’t accept feeling other than the first choice on her agenda. She cried and begged for me to give her another chance because she didn’t do anything and I did.
She was then the most loving person I could think of.
Time passed and with time moving forward , the way I saw her changed. I started noticing a lot of things that I truly don’t like and was considering it will pass as they were a result of the wrong relationship she had in the past.
I started thinking she is not smart enough for me to be with her. She was asking stupid questions she knew the answer to like "Friday is written with an “i” and a “y” ? and became a nuisance because of this.
I started thinking how could I have a serious relationship that will eventually turn into a marriage with a person who cannot think about herself and doing something with her life. She doesn’t have motivation or interest in any field to do something , not something big, at least something. All she dreams of is becoming a Victoria Secret Angel .
As I read the lines above it might seem I am living with some very stupid girl, but she’s smart in some sort of ways but completely lacks interest in life and knowledge.
I am 22 years old , in my last year of college studying political sciences and law. I’ve worked since I was 16: I was a bartender, I was and am a graphic designer and currently am an food safety consultant , being also the marketing director of the family firm. She blames me that I started undergoing a lot of projects and don’t give her enough attention. I really feel exhausted and don’t like talking to her so much because I feel like I won’t get understood on an deeper level.
I am no doughebag or a–hole like the other people from the other thread told the married guy. I am trying to figure out what should I do about the situation at hand because:
a) She is an very loyal and devoted partner who wants to be a loving mother , a good wife ( something rare these days )
b)A crucial attribute of hers is that she is very attractive and beautiful.
C) I wonder if I’m not also a hard person to love because of my pretentious self.
I surely am knowing the answers to all my possible questions, but I feel like many good things may come from having interactions with people and talking about an issue. Maybe some of you will bring up questions that will get me good answers that will change my perspective.