I could really use some advice from this excellent community. So, I moved back to my hometown and found my ex. We kissed, talked like old times, etc. When we broke up both parties were happy with the decision. Fast forward to now and I’m finding I still like him, can’t stop thinking about him. When I see him, it’s like we never broke up and exactly like old times. I know he feels similarly and there is the problem.
The reasons we broke up were a mismatch in location which made the relationship
hard (he wasn’t the best long distance boyfriend and he felt like he couldn’t do distance anymore) and his lack of motivation/life goals relative to mine really made me unhappy. He seems to have improved in some of what I was unhappy with but I know those old habits are still there and he’s not a different person.
I’m supposed to be leaving again for a job quite a distance away. In fact, I asked him for advice about this before we had rekindled some of our old habits and he encouraged me to make the job decision best for me. I decided to go for it as it seemed like a good opportunity even if it wasn’t ideally located. Now, I keep thinking about how perfect would it be if we lived closer and could date again?
I have been thinking about this move in a more emotional way than when I decided and every day I am wondering if I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I am feeling a lot of fear and apprehension that’s made complicated by this romantic development. I’m wondering if I shouldn’t move due to such strong, unresolved feelings about going so far from my hometown and him. Help?
Didn’t you answer it for yourself when you said his old habits are still there and he’s not a different person? Your re-kindled romantic feelings will eventually pass and you will be left with his same old patterns and same old him you already left once. My experience in life tells me people rarely change. Be honest with yourself and do what’s best for you, long-term. There are other people out there, believe me. My two bits worth.
I agree with jimbuff314. There are a lot of red flags in your post that tell me this isn’t a perfect match, not even a great match, maybe not even a good match. Obviously there is an attraction there, but attraction alone is not the basis of a long-term relationship.
I suspect a lot of your emotions are about moving away from your hometown again, not just about this ex. Moving isn’t easy, but you’ve done it before and you can do it again. And if it doesn’t work out, move back, it’s not like you’re making an irreversible decision.
hmm, my advise is get on with your life. Personally for me a job/career would never bring as much satisfaction as a good relationship, but in your case I don’t envision this relationship turning into a long and fruitful one based upon your brief description. If you’re like me, when you get lonely you start to make bad decisions, so I would say it would be a good idea to focus on things that take your mind of this person, and try to meet new people when you move.
If you’d gone no-contact in the first place (which is the best breakup advice I’ve *ever *gotten), you would never have rekindled things in the first place. Go forth, get job, be happy.
I think a lot of it IS about moving away. It feels like it’s a forever decision which is so weird because, like you said, I have done it before. Agh emotions!
