So I had to deal with my first break up about a month ago. We dated for a year, had a rough patch, my girlfriend did some things that I wasn’t happy with (I’m sure I did some she didn’t like too), and we broke up. She started seeing somebody else but it’s an open relationship. We saw each other twice in the past week and she was very handsy. She said that she still has feelings for me and that she’s disappointed with what she has now and that she was usually pretty happy with me.
I still have feelings for her, but I don’t trust her enough to try to reconcile anything. Is there some sort of standard way to get over somebody? I feel that with her being around a lot that I’ll still think of her and hurt my ability to move on. Just telling her to leave me alone strikes me an a jerky thing to do.
If she’s still in a relationship, respect that, and make it clear that you won’t fool around with her while she’s in one.
As far as getting back with her, it really depends on what she did, how big an issue it is for you, and wether or not it’s possible to have a healthy relationship in the future.
It’s very hard to be objective as far as relationships go. Your friends will give you input, probably with a bias in your favor. Same goes for your parents. Pretend you have a friend in the exact same situation, but with a different girl. What would you tell him?
If you still don’t trust her enough to try to reconcile anything, make sure she knows that there is no possibility for an intimate relationship between you anymore. If she wants to be just friends, either tell her it’s ok, or tell her it might happen later but not now, whichever suits your needs.
I think I’m much more anal about honesty than my friends so I’d give them much different advice than would be good for me, I think. I think my parents would give me advice that would lean towards me trying to get her back, at least my mom would. She cried when I told her that we broke up because she liked the girl, not because I might be heartbroken. Yours is pretty much the advice I’ve been getting, so thanks, hopefully something’ll work out.
So, is this a “there’s no way we’re getting back together” “I need a polite way to end it” type thread? It sounds like it to me, but you never really know.
If moving on is your objective, surround your self with new people. Bars are popular because of this, but they’re not always the answer. Classes, clubs and groups are favorites of those that dislike bars.
My reply was only the first, of possibly many. Someone will come along with something that speaks to your frame of mind in particular. Also, if a single event caused the break-up, knowing what that was greatly helps in diagnosing a problem. If that event is too private, just say nothing. We all respect privacy [sub]to a degree[/sub] ;).
Well, I’m kind of a never say never guy so I’m not going to say that there’s no chance we get back together. She was a large part of why this past year was probably the best in my life. Basically though, yes.
I’m not too outgoing and sure that’s going to make hanging out with new people harder. I’ll just have to make an effort I guess.
We were having a period of around a month where we weren’t getting along too well. For us that meant probably 3 or 4 arguments a week. She has a friend that she had a crush on and that made repeated attempts to seduce her. She always declined and convinced me that she had it under control. Somewhere along the way she decided that she could continue to tell me that there was nothing to worry about as far as they went when actually they were flirting. The friend is the person she’s currently seeing.
As a semi-tangent, how big of a deal is it to flirt with somebody else when you’re in a relationship? She said everybody does it, but everbody else I talked to said it was a no no.
People who have flirtatious personalities tend to flirt with everyone that they meet. Whether or not they are in a relationship at the time, they may find themselves flirting while interacting with others. If it is just a giggle and a hair flip then it is probably not that big of a deal. When there is an excess of physical contact involved and deep staring, then that is a no no.
With regards to the OP the best I can offer you is my best wishes. I am only 21 and I do not think I will ever figure out how to completely get over any of my ex-girlfriends. In some cases you will get to a point where you feel that the two of you are better off not involved in an exclusive emotional relationship. When you figure out what to do for the other situations drop me a line because I have some baggage to take care of.