My room-mate and his fiance are breaking up over a religious dispute. He doesn’t want to break up and, well, he seems to think that she doesn’t either. Anyway, he is a deist/skeptic and she is Catholic. We are all 19 I believe. Let’s try to keep this on the matter at hand and not worry about the issue of being engaged that young. She usually lets him sway her doctrines, like they have had sex numerous times, but apparently sometime over Xmas break she drew the line. I thought things like this usually happened over the kids, not between the two. Now, in my 2 years of lurking here :eek: , I have read a post on this before. If some-one could either find this post, or give some advice. I would be greatly in your debt.
So the dispute is about sex and her religious beliefs? They both have every right to believe how they believe but my question is did they discuss all this before getting involved in the first place?
Obviously, she has some guilt for letting him sway her. They need to talk some things out, IMHO.
I am Catholic and would not date/marry someone who does not have similar beliefs as I do, not that they have to be ctaholic, but at least Christian. The reason is that a person’s religous beliefs are very personal and to have someone chalenge your faith on a daily basis is very unsettling. If your friend was raised as Catholic then she has to be thinking things like marrying a non-catholic is goes against one of the Holy Scaraments and if he is skeptical about God then it is even a bigger divide between them. Religion is not something you do now and then but it is an intregal part of your life. I may be way off base here but if your friend does belive in the Catholic faith then she should consider finding someone who shares that that faith or else she needs to abandon her beliefs and stay with this guy which IMHO would be a mistake.
You haven’t given us a heck of a lot to go on. What’s the disagreement? Did he make demands that she would not give in to? Does she want him to get baptized? Is she pregnant, and he wants her to get an abortion? Heck, at this point there is nothing to help with.
Details, man, details!
At this point all anyone can say is they should sit down and talk it out, very carefully, and very slowly. But you really haven’t given the Teeming Millions much to pontificate about.
If they’re not fighting about what religion to raise the kids in (which is something they need to sort out, IMO as a therapist) then it must be about not being willing to respect the rights of the other to burn in hell or self-flagilate as the other so desires. Either that, or the desire to change the other.
In any case, it’s about not being able to accept the other for who they are, rather, about a desire to change them and the frustration that ensues. They should be able to sit down and negotiate agreements about how to respect each other and treat each other with regard to this issue, although it sounds like they can’t without getting their feelings too hurt to continue.
This is likely exacerbated by their immaturity and lack of experience in relationships (sorry, I hate calling a 19 year old immature, but let’s face it, most are relatively so -you’ll understand this better when you’re older).
so, what I’m saying is that they’re too young to be getting married.
If she is that serious about being a Catholic, she has no business dating him in the first place. Why date someone you can’t marry? And I can’t see why a deist/skeptic would want to date a devout Catholic, either.
I’m not a believer in “missionary dating” – dating someone of a different faith and then trying to convert them.
They should break up and both find people who are compatible spiritually. It doesn’t sound as though these two are a good match.
It’s because we all hate you. We’ve all noticed you lurking for the past two years, and we all wish you’d stop it and go away. We’re already discussing your first post, and we will soon have a list of criticisms for your edification.
OK, not really. That’s all lies. LIES!! Lies I made up.
Anyway, regarding the romantic dilemma in question, it’s probably for the best. If she doesn’t feel she can be with someone who doesn’t share her beliefs now, before they’re married, then it’s a good bet the issue will get worse once they’re married a few years. Some people need a certain amount in common with the person they spend their life with to be happy. She sounds like one of them.
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