ERGHHHH… if anybody threatened with physical damage to myself or my things, that’s one relationship that stops right there.
How much space is too much space depends on the person. My mother was quite pissed at my bro recently (the one who lives with her while his house is being built, he should be out of there before autumn); sometimes he’ll come home from work, she’ll ask “how did it go”, he’ll say “tell you in a while”, go into his room, kill a few russkies (in a WWII simulator) and come back out once he feels human enough to have a conversation. Letting him have that “steam time” is fine with me, since I need it occasionally too - her own steam gets blown on other people instead of sublimated onto binary russians, so she didn’t get it. Now that I explained it’s his way to avoid growling at her, she’s ok with it.
So, when Mom is angry, she needs someone around (so she can yell, not necessarily at them but sometimes we need to remind her that “I’m right here”) and Bro needs space.
Be you. There’s someone out there who likes your approach just fine, the problem is finding each other.
To the women who are responding to this thread saying "I like when guys do x, but I hate when guys do y, I know you mean well, but you’d probably help the OP a lot more by encouraging him to get a sense of himself. I can see him sitting at his computer with a notepad… “Let’s see… threatening to rip out hard drive bad! Throwing arm in front of woman at sudden stop good (maybe?)” That way lies madness.
Dude, first of all you want to disregard what the women tell you. You are falling into the *wimpo universale * mode. They will tell you they want sensitive, then dump you for a world-class jerk, with a too big neck, a shaved head and an earring through his nose, that beats her, and for whom she would kill you. What is this "I don’t want to be too insensitive…: junk!!! This is saaaaaad. Forget insensitive/sensitive. It is a deal breaker. What you need to do is to do what you want to do. Don’t be cruel, and don’t abuse her, but, if you cave in to what you think that others will not find sensitive enough, you’ll end up a monk whose ex-girlfriend borrows money from to bail out her abusive boyfriend. And doesn’t repay. And will laugh about you with bf, and will then forget about you until he goes to jail again.
The gf telling you about other boyfriend is giving you a tacit ultimatum or a tacit request for same kind of treatment. I can’t determine which it is, of course. Neither bodes well for you in your current state. Ultimatum means that her playing on computer means more to her than you. Request means that you, in your current fatuous state, will not live up to it.
“I would expect to be told where to go…!!!” Why don’t you just tell yourself where to go and save HRH the energy? And before you do go, be sure and pay for the internet bill for the next 36 months. Listen, the guy threatened to pull a piece of plastic and steel out of a piece of plastic and steel. Instead of telling her “good for him…” you’re buying into the concept that it is a ‘violation.’ no doubt similar to some type of rape, and already have a finger of guilt pointed at yourself, with the indictment (“It would be infringement…”} and sentence (“I would expect to be told…”.)
I agree with the overall consensus of the thread, which seems to boil down to:
“Figure out what you want, and why, and communicate this clearly to your S.O.”
It doesn’t mean that your S.O. will do what you want, nor that you will do what your S.O. wants, but that’s the starting place. It’s the communication that is important, not trying to disguise the communication so that it’s more palatable to your S.O. Just come out and say it. If you end up having a fight, fine, but at least you are figuring it out together. The wimpiest thing to do is just say “yes, dear” and get all passive-aggressive.
As said in many other posts, everyone’s boundaries are a bit different, and the closer you match with your partner the better. However, you don’t begin a relationship with this all encoded in your DNA. Real relationships involve some degree of growth and change, and it is through pushing your and your partners boundaries from time to time that you figure out what works for you and what doesn’t.
It’s the wimps who are afraid to even try. The assholes just refuse to.
As for some guys’ assertions that women go for the biggest jerks, I always find this stereotype baffling. If a woman left you for a jerk who treats her badly, does it ever occur to you what an asshole you must have been for him to look good by comparison?
I take sensitive as an emotional, expeiential, “through the portals sensuosness”. It is discernment and Love. Empathy is synonymous.
Of course dynamicism could suffer for your consideration. Most women want dynamicism over sensitivity. If you relate and passionāte, you suffer the cloying soul. A malignancy on relation.
Fuck that, keep your hands on the wheel and bring the car to a controlled stop. If her seatbelt fails, the only thing your arm is going to do is get injured, and she’s still going to hit her head on the dashboard or worse. I’m sure someone can give you the physics calculations, but basically you’d have to be Superman for the arm block to work.