An aquaintance of mine said this recently while eating dinner with myself and a friend. (Note that he would BE a friend, except that he says things like this.) He’s having problems with women i.e. none seem to be interested in him. This is, I am afraid, causing him to take a distinctly misogynistic view of women, which also has spawned the following gems:
“My boss is a woman and she criticizes me all the time. Bitch, you can’t criticize me unless you’re having sex with me.”
“I’m not going to jerk off. I should have a girl to do that for me.” (Which means he may have gone without relief for a loooong time and so be putting out a bad “vibe”.)
He’s also annoyed because women don’t seem to react to him in a favorable manner. I’ve told him that women can (This is just a theory of mine) sense how you are reacting to them and will respond appropriately. If you have this type of feeling towards them, they’ll know. I’ve tried to help him face the stupidity of these comments, but I just don’t have the experience with this particular mindset. I’ve even explained to him that women are hard for any guy to understand, but he seems to see it as a failing on behalf of all women.
Any advice on dealing with this? I’d hate to feel uncomfortable or avoid someone who is a fairly nice guy, this aside.
Upon reflection, I can’t help but think that your friend’s statements are somehow prophetic. I suspect that he may actually find a woman idiotic enough to sleep with him. Once. Let’s all hope they use a condom.
I’ve been in a similar situation, except the frie…acquiantance was a woman who said “all men suck.” I just pouted back and said “all my friends suck.” She got the idea.
If that quasi-humorous approach doesn’t work, just tell him what you noted above: namely that saying silly shit like that is basically a self-fulfilling prophecy and that, by claiming all women are idiots, none will ever deal with him, thus making him think they are bigger idiots, when in reality, they’re being incredibly smart by not hanging out with someone who would assume they were idiots. Weird how that works
If he’s got that kind of attitude, though, it’s going to come through in some form. And he probably wouldn’t realize it, either. I get fed up with guys who talk about women this way- I’d probably just tell him that if he thinks and talks this way about women, it’s no wonder they don’t like him.
The “sex” comment was on the heels of a rant about how women “trick” men by reminding them about things they’ve forgotten. I was going to add that he’s a comic book geek, but that’s really not germane, since another geek I know is quite lucky with the ladies.
Last night I pointed out to him that I’d just gotten out of a 5 year relationship wherein the woman in question broke up with me a few days before Christmas and after I gave her presents(which she kept), yet I was not bitter. I also said “It’s not milk, it’s not going to spoil if you don’t use it.” He admitted that he was afraid of being alone. My response was “So you’re angry at women for not being interested in you? Have you given them a reason to be?”
He obviously does not like nor respect women. It’s only natural that they will then neither like nor respect him. And while he might be willing to tolerate someone he dislikes and disdains just to get sex, most women are not willing to do so.
Unless and until he regards women as fellow human beings worthy of respect and (where appropriate) friendship, rather than bitches and sex objects, his situation will not improve.
Perhaps you can share with him some comments and insights from this thread in the hopes he will look at this from a different perspective. If he is unwilling or unable to do so, I think you’re stuck with either tolerating him or avoiding him.
I are you interested in helping this guy, or in making his company more tolerable?
If the latter, I suggest you say something along the lines of, “Look, I like women. I’m friends with many women. It pisses me off when you make misogynistic comments or idiotic generalizations about women, and I’m not going to stand for it. I’ve tried to explain why your attitude is wrong, offensive, and damaging your relationship with women, but you don’t seem to get it, so I’m giving up. But you have to knock off the misogynistic comments when you’re around me.” Say this firmly, in a non-joking manner. If he protests that he was joking, or that everything he’s said is true, or anything else, just cut him off and say, “NO. I am sick of hearing this crap from you. I don’t want to hear it any more. End of discussion.” Then change the subject.
If you want to rehabilitate him, good luck. Like you, I simply can’t understand that mindset, and I wouldn’t have the first clue how to break him of it. I can tell you that I wouldn’t be able to set the misogyny aside and consider him a nice guy, sorry. I have had, to my knowledge, two different misogynistic aquaintances, and once I found out about their attitudes about women, I stopped having any voluntary contact with them. But, then, I’m a woman, so it’s different.
I used to think guys like this were “jerks.” But the older I get, and with the times a’changing the way they have, this type of guy gives off a “scary” vibe now. I am physically uncomfortable around someone like that.
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