She did, but I can’t even remember, it was so far from the Anna-MEE-ka that I was using that it seems like a different language- which it IS!
I am about as white as you can get- midwestern/southern Irish/English/German/Slop-bucket-Dutch been out of Ameerika once in my life at age five, unless you count Puerto Rico.
I speak a minor mixed polyglot of romance and slavic languages with no/very little proficency, and she speaks English with a Brit accent and Hindi, Kanneda, Malayalam, and Tamil (I think) with a bit of Punjabi and Urdu thrown in the mix, and reads Sanskrit, but I don’t know how she is pronouncing it…
And I am WAAAAY too reserved, normally, and when I am not, I am overbearing and too loud…
I’m glad that I hit the mark. I was worried that I came across too harsh, but I think this is the first time I’ve ever read a “help my relationship!” thread where the OP actually listens and tries to incorporate the responses rather than either ignoring the advice or rejecting it all out of hand. I think it’s great that you’re willing to make some changes to keep this relationship, and I wish you both the best.
Please tell her namaste. I am North Indian, Punjabi to be precise, and have a completely American accent, but I can still speak Hindi with a very good accent. I speak Punjabi and Urdu, too, although I really just mix up Hindi & Urdu. I also read & write Hindi.
And it’s an-AA-mika. It means “anonymous”. Thought it was good for a message board. I can piece through Sanskrit, but I certainly don’t understand it.
My SO is Chinese by ethnicity, but thoroughly American, and has only ever been out of the country to Canada.
I have seen you come across as harsh to others, sometimes, but again, I need to be hit over the head with a stick, sometimes- so it was perfect here- but she couldn’t formulate it that way.
I appreciate it, and I am not trying to make her wrong- which most of these thread types are, as I have seen them.
I want her to see my side as right as well… which is nearly the same, but not- I believe that all of her points are valid. It is the expression of them that I find trying, and am working towards accepting…
Oh, I thought of one more thing while I was out to lunch. If her dad was overbearing and rough, was he also short on love and affection? Like it or not, us girls tend to define our relationships through the relationship we had with the very first male in our lives. we absolutely can get past it but it takes time and for some people there’s always a little bit lingering. So she is looking for you to fill the needs in her life - in her case, it is affection and lots and lots of love.
You trying to fix it is always hopeful! Good luck to you both.
Often you will find bickering is nothing more than a bad habit people get into. Some people show love at the top of their lungs.
If you’re in therapy with 60 days you should have marked improvment and lasting improvement. By 90 days if therapy isn’t doing you good, you need to find a new therapist or seriously look into the fact you need to call it quits.
No one likes to call it quits, 'cause it feels like you’re a failure. And that’s true but so what? People fail all the time, that’s what they do. But a smart person doesn’t go around hitting themselves against a wall, simply to avoid a label.
Depending on the OP age, financial situations and whether there are kids involved you need to realistically sit down and look at your options.
You need to make a timeliine and use a “if this, then” plan
If you are reaching points where you just aren’t going to be able to learn to live with a situatuion, you’re not doing yourself or anyone else favours by putting off the inevitable.
The thing to remember is it takes TWO to make a good relationship. But it only takes ONE to make a bad relationship.
No, no, no: you don’t want to use sticks. Sticks hurt. I’ve got something here that lets the offended party let out steam, does not produce bruises and is often known to produce giggles. Well, it doesn’t produce bruises unless the parties involved manage to fall off the sofa, so be careful with that coffee table… hands gurujulp’s girlfriend a pillow
My husband and I are both introverts - our fights are EXTREMELY quiet.