Okay, sorry. Having now recovered more or less fully from the culmination of my weekend (I outed myself at a religious gathering), I would like to say that a great time was had by all.
CelticCowboy got very wet, and we all got to see his duckie.
jkusters & thomasm were only half-dressed. 
I was afraid my bosoms were going to either fall out of my bodice or end up cherry red (and not in a GOOD way).
Edwardina looked smashing, as always.
Duke never showed up. Bastard.
I arrived at something resembling 10:30 in the morning, after a two-hour drive from Thousand Oaks, which wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be. However, as I opened my trunk and began to get fully dressed (if you think I’m driving ANYWHERE in my bodice you’re M A D), I came to the sudden realization that I’d made an error in choosing my outfit for the day.
Usually, I arrive in a group of people, so the fact that my bodice laces up the back isn’t an issue. However…belt in place complete with knife, cat-o-nine-tails and tail I made my way in through the gates.
I hustled my way through the front of Faire, trying to remember where on earth the Maypole is nowadays. On my way there, I bumped into the grande commedia(ns) who were standing in the middle of the road. Having established that both Johnnio and Edwardina were around, I hustled my buns the rest of the way to the maypole.
After finding it with much less effort than I expected, I looked for a strapping young man to help me lace up my bodice as I smeared sunscreen all over my fair skin. (I’m more than 50% celtic in heritage. We don’t do sun, TYVM.) In fact, I put sunscreen in places that would never normally see the sun, but hey! It’s Faire.
Unfortunately, no strapping male presented himself, so I garnered the assistance of a motherly type instead. Who proceeded to lace me in more than tightly enough. Dear Lord.
As I was rapidly losing the ability to breathe, I saw John and Thomas making their way to the sticky bun stand. Since I couldn’t remember either of their names (hey! you try remembering anything while all the air’s being slowly squeezed out of you) I hollered something incoherent and vaguely doperlike, which they either didn’t hear or completely ignored. I’m not sure which.
Once laced, I popped in to a shop, bought a throwaway camera, and caught the guys as they were walking away from the bun shop.
We hung around at the maypole for a while, then made our way off to do some shopping (this is, after all, Faire’s whole purpose for existing, right? Spending money to spend money?)
Eventually shows were watched, including the “poxy somethingorothers.” This is the show that J&T will swear I was shouting “Penis” during. It’s simply not so, I tell you! 
I’m a sweet and innocent thing - penis has never come near my mouth.
After that we wandered over to Whipstitch Way, where we found Johnnio (CelticCowboy) and Edwardina. Also, we met Little Antonio (who is a cheesehead if ever there was one). I collapsed onto a haybale and J&T wandered off - I think to catch another show.
And then, The Bath.
Which I’ll let someone else discuss, as I’ve typed enough.
I went in through the front and hustled my buns to the